DS12 struggling at school

[bobofthelobs]

I am not sure if this is the right topic to post in but could really do with some help. DS12 is in year 7 and everything seemed to be going well but he has become really emotional lately saying everything is too hard, busy and there are too many people and he can't cope with it.

Bit of background is that he was on the SEN register at primary where the SENCO and other staff referred him to CAMHS as suspected high functioning ASD. We were turned down twice for assessment as he didn't fit the criteria fully and his traits were put down to anxiety.

High school have repeatedly not returned my calls about my concerns and I don't know what to do to best help him. To be fair to school he is incredibly adept at masking at school and then crashes when he gets home.

His anxiety is through the roof and he just seems so lost. He told me if I tell School that he is struggling he will just tell them that he is fine as he doesn't want anyone to know that he is 'different' (his word not mine). He keeps breaking down saying that he never knows what to do with people and he can sometime really struggle with social situations. I have tried role playing with him to help with how to deal with situations. He staff at primary were great at explaining things in a way that he understood but obviously isn't happening now and he is getting pretty confused about what he should be doing in lessons and with homework too.

I am not sure what I need to be doing to best help him so any ideas are very welcome! It breaks my heart seeing him struggling when everything was going so well towards the end of year 6.

I feel like I have let him down by not realising he was struggling so much again but he is so good at pretending everything is fine.

Sorry for the long post!

I didn't want to leave your post unanswered, that sounds really tough for you and your DS. My DS is 11 and was diagnosed with atypical ASD a couple of years ago. His anxiety has only recently shot up and it's mainly to do with difference, not standing out from the crowd starts to become so important at that age.

Have you tried the SENCO at this school? They should be able to subtly put some support in place for your DS to help him in the day, but of course he can't be forced to accept help. I know it's hard to see him crash at home but at least you're giving him that space to let it all out.

Maybe someone else will have better advice, but I wouldn't let school off lightly, they need to see you and help you get to the bottom of the hard time he's having.

Thanks so much for replying! I will try school again and try and get hold of the SENCO again, hopefully there will be some subtle things they can put in place. I think just knowing he has support if he wants it might calm his anxiety a little.