Welcome to Holland

[sofasandcoffeetables]

Have just started reading - My Child's Different by Elaine Halligan when I found the reference to the short essay 'Welcome to Holland' which you may have already read/discovered.

But just in case I wanted to share it in case it helped someone else.

I came across this today too on another thread.
It really does sum up things perfectly regarding having a child with additional needs.
A beautiful piece

Erm...... it doesnt sum up things perfectly about having a child with special needs. To me it suggests that there are perfect and not so perfect children. And that I should just deal with having a not-so perfect child.

I dont particularly want to be made to feel ungrateful or unaccepting of a child with additional needs. Yes, he has additional needs but I am just as grateful for him as I am for my other child. If it wasnt for him I wouldnt know quite as much as I do about his current passion.

But if it helps others, Sharks, why not let them feel better for it?

Shark...maybe it depends on an individual and the grief they may experience when things don’t go down the path they’d thought it would?? I know for me I experienced grief. My daughter has a life threatening and potentially life limiting illness....this isn’t how I imagined life when I was pregnant with her. I had hopes, dreams and aspirations for my unborn child, as I had done for my previous two children. However, this time those dreams will never be realised.
I think it’s a personal thing how ‘welcome to Holland’ places itself. For me personally, it summed up my life. And it makes me think that despite my life being totally and utterly different to how I imagined it to be, she’s still my little girl and I must cherish each and every day

I've never loved it I have to say, but I'm glad if it resonates with some. This blog sums up my feelings better:

autismorsomethinglikeit.blogspot.com/2014/01/why-i-hate-welcome-to-holland.html

There is an old thread on different responses to it here also, which makes some good points (though I don't really like any of the alternatives either!):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1777133-Awesome-alternative-to-Welcome-to-Holland

Maybe it depends where you are? I'm definitely going through a kind of 'grieving' process at the moment. And rightly or wrongly I do compare with friends. Not dd as such, but their lives. She's 6 and ds is 9. Our friends with similar age kids are just coming into a stage that seems a lot easier. And I do envy them, when on days out with them. When I'm dealing with dd having a meltdown or refusing to move or just constantly needing me, while their kids are off playing together. I'm jealous of the holidays they plan, how easy days out seem to be. I wish I had evenings like them to spend with dh, go for a run, while I'm spending hours getting dd to sleep.

I'm working on it though. I love dd to bits and of course wouldn't wish her not here. I also wish it was easier for her too.

Intents- i totally get what you are saying!! I don’t compare dd but I do compare the ease that my friend with similar age children have. My world is a world
Of high tech medication daily. My friends complain if they occasionally have to dish out calpol. Maybe it’s a sense of jealousy. But I see it as a sense of grief. Of something I’ll never feel

My DS's SNs weren't apparent at birth (autism), so it was a gradual realisation, not a getting off a plane in the wrong country moment. Various of my friends from the baby days have gone through all sorts of challenges and some have severe challenges without SNs. My issue is that it feels as though the poem is saying I suddenly found myself in a totally different country to the one where my fellow non-SN parents ended up, that's just not true, many of the issues (and positives) we face are the same, there is masses of overlap in our lives still. So it misses the mark for me. I'm glad it brings comfort to some people though.

Mine wasn’t sudden either. It was a gradual decline in health and an incline in medical support needed. However there was a moment after feeling like I was drowning, that I suddenly realised that things would never be how I’d imagined. A sudden brick in the face moment of despair and realisation.

I do get moments like that. We will all be choosing sixth form for our DCs soon, theirs will all be going to the local college with barely a second thought while I will be trudging round over a far bigger radius, seeing SENCOs, slogging my way through the EHCP system again etc and I do find that upsetting. But there's still a lot of common ground, we will be considering some of the same colleges, albeit with totally different priorities and that common ground is important to me. I suppose I just feel that DS's SNs are only one part of my life, and that keeps me going, the thought of being in a totally different country so to speak upsets me. I'm not in a different country I just have different experiences.

I think this all depends on the different needs of our children to be honest. We are all facing different challenges dependant on what is the reason behind us finding ourselves here

I can see that for children with more severe SNs than mine it can be much more all-consuming, and that the Holland poem may sum it up exactly, it just doesn't for me.

My dd has ASD and was diagnosed this year. At the moment it feels like her autism is at least 90% of my life. It feels like it overshadows everything, it's always something I'm trying to work out.

But it was gradual, not sudden. Actually its like I started in the same place as friends, and took a different turn. And now I can see them, but not always experience things the same way.

I hope I get out of this, as I don't feel very positive about anything at the moment.

It does resonate on one level, and explains how it is to have a disabled child with all the challenges it throws up. What I don't like about it is it implies that you reach a point of acceptance and all is ok, but the reality is every now and again you find yourself right back at square one. When this happens time and again it's very wearing and challenging. It's all a bit saccharine to me

I hate it with a passion. If it was "Welcome to Bognor Regis when it's pissing down with rain and the buses are on strike but you're with the most cracking companions in the world but you really fecking wish it wasn't pissing it down with rain and the buses were running so you weren't lugging your bags and kids around up the hill in the pissing rain" it would hit more of a chord with me.

I also don't like anything that tells people how they "should" feel about things to be honest and I don't do sentimental.

Not keen on it myself I find it a bit twee there is another one called "Amsterdam Airport" which IMO is far more realistic unfortunately I can't do links

Amsterdam Airport

niederfamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/amsterdam-international.html

Thanks for posting that Blank., It relates more to my experience than welcome to Holland.

I don't like Holland. I don't like the beirut version.

For us, dealing with an extremely rare genetic disorder, it's more like a remote island with limited internet access. Desperately trying to connect, and find other remote islanders, and when you get a new hit online about the condition, reading and taking it all in, because any new info is welcome. Trying to decode a language that there isn't a guide book for. Slowly you are writing your own guide book, but no one wants to visit to learn about this beautiful remote island you are on, and you become isolated even more.

The Amsterdam Airport one 👏. I love it. The Holland one is okay, but there is so much pain & grief that goes with being a parent of a disabled child, that is completely hidden & needs to be talked about.

@misdee 💐