Reception auties 2018/19 - thread 2

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thanks to LightTripper for the thread title. This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of dc with autism in their reception year at school. Please join us if you can or, if you have dc due to start reception in 2019, feel free to drop by and ask us questions.

Thread 1

Toilet training still going well, completely dry today so far and he's gone 2 hours between a wee this morning too (which is unbelievable really considering February half term when I last tried to train and he couldn't go more than 20 minutes between a wee!)

Ds had a pooh accident in the bed shop yesterday which consisted of a 20 minute clean up and change in dreams staff toilet which they thankfully let me use (it was a really runny one, sorry tmi! & it made a huge amount of mess and he had football shorts on which it leaked out of so you can imagine) then once he was cleaned up he said he needed medicine, I asked why and he said poorly tummy and looked pale, so we got home & he was sat on the toilet for 15 minutes with a bit of diarrhoea & stomach cramps bless him.

But he is fine today and no more accidents and thankfully no more diarrhoea.

How long was it until you were comfortably able to say your dc was toilet trained? How long did they have regular accidents for?

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

danni it took ds two months to start asking to poo in the potty (we started with the potty and toilet at age 3.7) so definitely not before then. We carried a potty around with us for months too and had a number of al fresco wees and occasional poos. It sounds like he’s doing really well though the incident in the bed shop sounds stressful. You will laugh about it in the future. Most likely.

dimples I’m in awe of you taking out 3 ASC children by yourself. Sounds like the trip had lots of highs though smile

Light I hope your holiday is going well.

Ds has been a bit tricky the last few days after a very good streak. Mostly I think it’s tiredness. He’s only slept about 8.5 hours the last few nights on top of his previous poor sleep and it’s catching up with him. Lots of whinging, not listening and asking for toys...

I’ve been reading the ‘how do I unruin the 4yo?’ thread

I’m also reading Raising human beings. Hoping that will be more helpful.

Hi all, just heard about this thread from one of the lovely Mumsnet mums so thought I'd check in. My girl is going to be 4 in June and has had an early years SEN assessment in place for a year. She's just been referred for formal diagnosis of ASD. DH was also diagnosed a couple of years ago with HFA. DD currently goes to a Steiner kindergarten, mainly to ensure small class size and focus on SED rather than academic. She can read level 1 Oxford tree, can write if words are spelt to her and has a great memory so, academically, I'm not pushing on as she is picking things up for herself. Socially, she's about 8-16 months apparently. When she's at home she's a different girl. Chatty, happy to potter in her own world. Outside she tends to barely speak and really struggles interacting with other children. Even in a class of 8 she hides from the other children when overwhelmed with noise/busyness. I'm just starting out with specific activities to encourage better communication but it's small steps. I can get away with starting mainstream next September (2020), so she's got another 18 months of gaining confidence in social settings/peer activities. Fingers crossed! Hope to be in more contact with you all over the course of the coming months... It sounds like you're all doing wonderfully and so supportive of each other 😀

Open - I think I'm more crazy than anything. I have them all plus my older nephew who also has SEN this Thursday -I'm thinking that we might stay at home ...Hope that your boy gets more sleep too. DS had 8 hours sleep last night after a very busy day which included a swimming party at the end of it. We set a new Dimples family record - 20 times down the water slide! This morning he screamed the garden centre down - worried that he won't sleep well tonight as he has had a nap.

Danni well done to you and DS. Toilet training has taken a long time here and is still ongoing. We started August 2017 and it took til Easter 2018 for DS to be consistently dry at home and nursery. When he started school in September he started having accidents again (at home as well) within a month he was dry outside of school but he is still having accidents at school - 2/3 a week. It's one of my top priorities to discuss at EHCP review in a couple of weeks' time

Light hope that your hols are going well. At the end of our day out we went to an ice cream parlour and I ordered a very decadent sundae!

dimples ds napped in the car yesterday. I gave him melatonin in the evening and it still took him an hour to go to sleep. He still wakes at 5.

Welcome FurryCat1978. Is she having any therapy? As you say, you have a while to work on her social skills before school. Have you applied for a deferral?

More defiant behaviour this afternoon, it’s that which I find the hardest to cope with I think. I had to go upstairs for 15 minutes in the end & left dh to it

Dimples that is a super impressive day trip!! I can't even imagine taking just ds our at the moment.

Open sorry about the behaviour, it sounds very stressful. I started reading the how to unruin a 4 yo and didn't get very far! Not heard of the other book. I'm considering buying a book on Lego therapy as ds is massively into Lego at the moment but there are loads to choose from.

Welcome furrycat!

Danni ds was reliably dry and clean quite quickly but he still goes through phases where he will forget to go to the loo and pee on the floor. Thankfully not in one of those at the moment. We still have trouble with going to the loo on different locations.

We're having quite an up and down time. Ds has been amazing when I've taken him to the park, still holding gates open etc. Finding that we need to use the doorway swing a lot throughout the day to keep him calm (best purchase ever!).

I was pretty amazed yesterday as his 1:1 gave us a phase 2 phonics sound sheet thing from Twinkl as part of ds's homework. I didn't prompt him, he just saw it on the table and read the whole thing perfectly!! He is constantly surprising me but he's a devious little monkey though because he never lets on that he knows things!

liv which books are you looking at for Lego therapy? Funnily enough our SALT has just emailed to say she thinks ds would benefit and she’s thinking of starting a session. I’ve asked for more info as I don’t know very much about it.

In truth I think I’m making too much of the behaviour. Probably because we’ve had a few great weeks. Today he’s been much better though it was pretty cold and windy at the seaside which he doesn’t like!

Well done to your ds for his phonics. We managed to go through some flash cards this morning though he refuses to look at the phonics books I bought

Not sure really, I just typed Lego therapy into Amazon and there are lots! I guess I'll just have to have a better look at the reviews and see which one is least dry sounding!

The SENCO at ds's school used to run a Lego club so maybe I should ask her when school starts back up.

We haven't managed to leave the house today. Ds just wants to watch his tv show. Part of me feels like a bad parent and part of me is enjoying the complete lack of stress after a few meltdown days. Not sure how I'm going to get him to come to pick up dd in a bit.

Definitely don’t feel bad about a down day! Good luck picking up dd.

Not such a great day out today - my sister, Mum and I got in to Chester Zoo for free as DS and my sister's twins all get DLA. About an hour in, I said to them, there's a reason we got in for free. One funny bit was when I pretended to be crying/having a meltdown and my boy said 'you did a good job' and then the kids couldn't stop giggling. There were some really lovely moments but DS bolting off is a big problem at the moment. We're now in a hotel room after a successful swim and dinner - he is sleeping peacefully next to me and look like an angel.

DS's school is re-starting lego therapy next term but I don't know if DS would be allowed to participate - I think that he may just through the bricks around.

I'm pleased to see toilet training was a longer process for some of your dc.

I think this is the route ds is taking too

We are on day 11 today.

I have to take ds every hour myself and put him on the toilet or he just wees his pants a bit, he initiated once or twice last week but nothing since. He had 1 day were he went 2 hours in between a wee but it seems I've noticed a pattern - his pants will be dry for an hour then a small damp patch appears if I leave it any longer than say 1 hour / 1 hour 15 mins.

He seems to have a small wet patch each time I take him to the toilet, it's as though he knows he needs a wee and he's letting a few drops out then stopping himself and I think waiting until I put him on the toilet to finish it off.

When he has a drink that's the problem! the wet patches appear not long after so I change his pants then another patch appears and so on.

I must say though (he wears a pull up for bed which I put on right before he gets into bed) & it's been dry 2 of the mornings, this morning it was dry and I put him straight onto the toilet and he did a really big wee.

Basically what I'm trying to say is if I didn't have to give ds a drink I think he would be trained by now

Poo is better. That's in the toilet most times... unless he's being defiant when he needs one then it's deliberately anywhere but the toilet!

It's not all plain sailing, but I think we may be on the right track? LOL

I swear if school tell me to send him in a nappy if he's having accidents I'll remove him from the school the same day.

I'd mentioned toilet training him around Xmas time and that I would send him after half term with plenty of pants etc and his 1-1 looked at me gone out! It's as if they didn't want the hard work & she said she would have to have a chat with the pupil support officer. (I seem to remember me being the parent and making the final decision?)

I got the feeling they weren't happy with it.... anyway as it stood Xmas was a disaster training him so I sent him back in nappies anyway.

They can sod off!

What would they say to a parent of a 5yr old NT child having accidents. I can bet my life on it not being send them in a nappy.

They only have him 2.5 hours a morning and 1.5 hours an afternoon, so my answer will be

DEAL WITH IT.

I haven't told school I'm training him over Easter so they aren't expecting a bag of spare undies next week

Thing is.. if school don't want the hassle of having to change his pants when he has a funded 1 to 1 what am I supposed to do?

I've waited until the longest half term they have (barring the summer 6 weeks) and got stuck in.

I'm not switching back to nappies now and waiting for the summer 6 weeks off because it's going to take longer than 6 weeks by the looks of it.....

His paediatrician said she wouldn't be surprised if it took a year at his last appointment and it was certainly no quick fix with asd children.

So do I keep him off school for a year until his done and dusted. Thought not!

I don't feel very supported as you can probably guess.

Just got the feeling at Xmas when I mentioned it that they weren't over the moon at the prospect.

I'm sure they wouldn't mind changing pants and clothes occasionally, but if it's frequently, it may get a bit for them and they will say he's not ready etc etc. I might be wrong here and they will be supportive but after the Xmas chat I get the feeling it's another hassle for them.

Just not being talked into nappies, the nursery did it to me last year.

The nursery manager said to me last Easter that ds would need to be initiating on his own and staying dry for longer periods etc but what annoyed me was he had a bloody 1-1 there too so I didn't see what the issue was since his 1-1 was supposedly there just for him and would have had the dedicated time to help out..,but obviously not.

There's no point waiting until he's 'ready' ds isn't ready for anything! He needs to be manually taught forced or you'll quite literally wait forever!

danni well done for sticking with it! This made me chuckle: Basically what I'm trying to say is if I didn't have to give ds a drink I think he would be trained by now

I think you’re right, if he has a 1:1 they should be more willing and able to support you in this. Especially since he’s not in all day. Hopefully he’ll turn a corner. We definitely found it a bit of a bumpy road but it was worth it. Even now ds often needs heavy promoting to go for a wee. He has rarely had a full accident but we do get wet patches some days. Other times he takes himself with no problem.

dimples the zoo sounds a bit stressful but I’m glad there were nice moments too. It’s not easy is it?

We had a day out at an adventure type place today and ds did pretty well but he did have a big tantrum about half way through. Once we worked out what had caused it it was fairly easily sorted out. I may have called him a brat at one point . We did have to go on some of the same things a lot, as is often his way.

In general he’s been up and down this week and getting more tired. We had a difficult bedtime last night all because he slept in the car from 11:30-12. He finally went to sleep at 9:50 and then woke up about 4:45. I don’t know how he does it. He napped again this morning so he’ll be having melatonin tonight in an effort to get him to sleep earlier. Last night we gave it in desperation at 9.

We think he maybe a bit over stimulated from this week. We’ll keep it low key tomorrow and then we’re driving home on Friday. Thankfully we have a long weekend before school starts again.

Oh Danni that is stressful with school. I've been very lucky with nursery and school that they both just expect him to take longer to learn things and as he has 1:1 support at school there is someone to change him. At nursery I had to take in 5 changes of clothes a day at one point - he was fine at home but took a long, long time to transfer this learning to nursery. They were amazing, never once suggested that he went back into nappies and reassured me that we would get there one day.....

Welcome furrycat. My DS has a June birthday and I delayed his school start - he did come on a lot socially in that extra year (obviously still a lot of challenges).

Hope that your low key day tomorrow helps things Open.

Open this is what I've played for 3 nights and it's got ds to sleep within 30 minutes all 3 nights.

The new melatonin

although I haven't tried it during his middle of the night shenanigans, I'm pleased his asleep before 9/10pm meaning I can have a cuppa in peace and be an adult for an hour and you know actually talk to my dh for once 😂

I've tried playing 'bedtime music' for years even when he was newborn and it's never helped. He doesn't like it usually, but he calms down in bed with this on and lays still which is u heard of! can't be a co incidence that he's gone to sleep much easier 3 nights with this on with me sat on the floor beside him

it's so lovely to listen too, makes me all teary actually.

Probably because ds doesn't have a clue what Disney is & it reminds me he won't have a normal childhood & it also reminds me when I was little at my grans house watching Disney, the little mermaid song makes me proper choke up I'm not ashamed to admit

Dimples is your ds 6 this June? Glad to know 5 changes of clothes a day is normal to start with then

Yes hello to furrycat, I'm sorry, I start talking and don't know when to stop.

Hope everyone is ok

I've just made a cuppa & I have quite a few Easter eggs on top of the wardrobe...... ds wont be none the wiser if I pinch one

I've just read a thread on here about eating your children's chocolate.

That's standard in this house!

danni I end up eating most of ds’s eggs. The only chocolate he’ll eat is giant chocolate buttons.

The piano music was lovely, not sure what ds would make of it at bedtime though.

Asleep at 8:30 after about 40 mins of messing around. A relief though I’m always anticipating a crap night.

Yes, Danni he's 6 in June. Not that you would know it to look at him - he's the smallest child in Reception (he is being monitored for growth hormone deficiency).

Think that there will be quite a lot of surprised parents when I send out the 6th birthday party invitations!

DS was rather wobbly earlier this evening so I've let him sleep in my bed which I'm really regretting now

Hi all (and welcome FurryCat!)

Toilet training sounds good Danni! It doesn't sound like school should have to change him that much really, as long as they take him at the start and end of each session and in the middle of the longer one? Definitely took us at least a year to get there but I guess as she was younger pre-school just took accidents in their stride. Especially if it's just wees (we had more poo problems).

Holiday going well though sadly we're going to have to head home early as kids have got Chicken Pox (well, DD definitely has, DS possibly). Touch wood it doesn't seem too bad so far but we are only three days in. Anyway, it means we are postponing grandparent visit which is sad, and I'm slightly freaking out how to entertain them at home without being able to do museums, playground, cafes, etc. So far we've relied a lot on kite, balls, picnics etc where we don't have to interact too much... Feeling very grateful it didn't hit earlier when it was still so freezing!

Anyway, day at the beach tomorrow which DD is very excited about, then long drive home on Friday.

Hope everyone else has a lovely Easter weekend!!

Oh dear Light, fingers crossed neither suffer too badly. Enjoy the beach.

dimples I hope you got some sleep.

A decent night here, up at 5:20. I’m aware how ridiculous that sounds!

We’ll do the beach again today before heading back tomorrow. It will be better without the cold wind we had previously.