Advice needed - I have a feeling something is not 'quite normal' with DS1 (7) - help please....

[abitworried]

I don't really know where to start with this one. We have DS1 (7.5) and DS2 (5).

DS1 has always seemed a 'challenging' and 'demanding' child - not naughty exactly, but exhausting, unrelenting and complex to understand in terms of moods swings etc.
We always assumed any issues we had with him were just normal parenting issues, but the older DS2 gets, and the more we see him developing in what seems a 'normal' way,the more 'different' DS1 seems.

What I need help and advice on is this:

• do people ever get dx for their children even if there isn't a serious issue e.g. at school etc - simply to try to understand and relate to them better?

I can't quite put my finger on what it is that worries me about DS1, but both DH and I frequently discuss the fact that something just doesn't seem 'quite right' - especially compared side by side with his peers.

Here are some of the things (good/ less good?) I'd observe about him. I'm hoping someone might give me some pointers about the type of issues/ condition etc he might have/ be on the spectrum for (even if mildly?)

+ve

• very bright/ academic across the board
• amazing memory
• highly 'scientific' brain - how things work etc
• computer game mad
• no issues particularly at school (I specifically asked his teacher) but a bit of a loner - few strong friendships
• can be babyish - silly voices etc (but that may just be because of DS2)

-ve
clumsy, unco-ordinated (is a bit in-toed, which doesn't help)

• never sits properly - likely to have his legs behind his head if on the sofa/ lies on the floor in what looks like weird contortions
• sometimes to seems to 'zone out' - is in a world of his own - almost as if he can't hear you. I suspect he has imaginary friends and 'projects himself' into fantasy stories etc
• prone to tantrums/ tears/ stropping off is he doesn't get his own way/can't do something
• fidgets incessantly - is always chewing the edge of his coat/ unpicking stitching/ examining things, tried to tie/ undo/ break etc any item within his grasp
• just seems unable to 'engage' with e.g watching sport/ team activities (but is good at drama and music)

We feel like we're finding it hard to relate to him these days, and that is worrying us. As I say though, we haven't had any reports of problems from school etc.

Does any of this sound cause for concern? What if anything, can I do?

I'll watch this thread with interest as I recognise many of those charactaristics in my DS2(6).

Hi,

I would start looking for answers because a "label" can be a signpost to getting him more help. If you as the parents think that something is not quite right then you are most likely correct than not. You know your son better than anyone else and you are your child's best - and only - advocates.

In your case my first port of call would be the GP with a view to getting him referred to a developmental paediatrician. I think he as well as yourselves need help and support.

Many schools are not good at either recognising or working with children who have dyspraxia so am not really surprised to see that no-one has raised this issue before now.

Have a look at the National Autistic Society's webpages as well re Aspergers.

Hi, he sounds very much like my DS (9). He has Aspergers, although we don't have an offical DX yet.

The difference with my DS is that he is now (and this has only started in the last 12 mths) having big problems at school. He has always been a loner, and had problems making appropriately relationships with his peers, however hi behaviour has not become a problem until recently.

It may be that your DS is on the spectrum, from what you have written he certinally seems to tick alot of the boxes.

Its really a matter for you to decide if you want to persue a dx. If problems do arise in the future (and Im not saying they will), then you will be in a much stronger position to deal with it if you have the dx.

You will almost certinally find your GP and school reluctant to take any action if DS's traits are not causing any problems.

Sarah

hi

I can't offer anything conclusive but the wriggling and movement thing might suggest dyspraxia. Is he a bit dreamy or, as we term it, 'yonderly' at times, eg, you might have to repeat the same thing like Have you cleaned your teeth, about three times, yet at other times is on the ball and misses nothing? My son (dyspraxia, aspie, various other s&l and processing stuff) is very like that. Also the fiddling really rang a bell. I would go see a paed or ed psych or possibly an OT. Possibly your GP might be your first port of call.

It is may be that you just have a very bright, slightly quirky fellow who will become less hard work as his speech and language and ability to deal with the world matures and catches up with his intellect.

All the best

Hello
I have two sons - second son is ASD ( pretty severe). With eldest we started spotting a few quirks that were just a little unconventional and persued it. He has sensory Integration problems which manifests itself in just a few ways. He likes to lie with weight upon him, hates certain textures to the poiunt where certain clothes can be unbearable for him. He can concentrate to the point of obbssession but at other times finds it hard to concentrate at all. etc etc
Theses issues are so mild that they do not count as anything at all really but I remain really happy that I persued them as 1) it has stopped me nagging him about things over which he has less control than even the average 13 year old and 2) it has allowed him to get some control. For example one of his problems was that certain textures in his mouth would make him gag. A good OT helped us - he used a mirror while he ate and made sure he cut small peices and has taught himself to overcome this reflex.
My ( longwinded )point is that if you persue a label it may be of little help but it MAY just give you shared understanding and some methods to cope.
FWIW I would guess some dyspraxia/aspie or sensory issues. I know a really good OT for dyspraxia and sensory issues in Surrey if it is any use

A lot of your description sounds like my ds1 (7yrs), including the bit about the way he sits. My ds1 likes to sit with the toes of his right foot tucked inside his left ear. He'd be great at yoga. Probably the only difference is that my ds1 doesn't do the fidgeting thing.

Ds1 was dx'ed with high-functioning autism. He also has a lot of the traits of dyspraxia (if not all) and the two do seem to overlap a lot.

He is generally very compliant in school so doesn't really have many problems while he's there. However, I have been told that this may change as he gets older and more is expected of him and/or when he goes to secondary school. As Atilla says, if you are already starting to worry about your ds1 then it might be a good idea to ask your GP for a referral, preferably to a Developmental Paed. If your ds1 does need extra help as he gets older it will help if the dx (if there is a problem) is already in place.