Should DS (with ASD) be made to be more sociable?

[Allfednonedead]

Should I be trying to make my DS be more sociable at school playtimes, or is it ok to support his choice to play on his own a lot of the time?

The teachers seem to think he ought to play with his peers more, but I don't see why. He is pretty sociable generally, but school is tiring for him and I think having one break time a day without socialising is reasonable.

There have been times when he felt left out, and that's different. Then I supported him to figure out how to manage friendships and the social landscape. But if he's happy, why should he be disturbed?

To not dripfeed - I would not have survived school if I had been forced to play when I needed to be on my own. Particularly through secondary school and also in my working life, lunch time and other breaks are essential for me to keep my head in order.

Yes, it's possible that I have some autistic traits too, so I'm concerned I don't have the perspective on it that others might.

I think you have it spot on.

The fact that you think you may have some autistic traits yourself guves you great insight btw. That is an advantage over the NT 'experts' who haven't lived the experience themselves.

I'm an autistic (Aspie) mum myself and hear lots of unhelpful suggestions.

Making a child socialise (or do anything else they are uncomfortable with) is not a good idea IMHO.

Gently encouraging them out of their comfort zone, yes - but there is a very very fine line.

I agree it's a very fine line. My view with DD is that there are already a lot of social demands on her all day and so if she needs a bit of alone time to recharge that's totally fine by me. In DD's case she does it by being very slow eating lunch, so she gets some alone time in the lunch hall while the other kids are out playing.

When I was at primary school I used to do my own projects on insects and plants in the school field or read my weather book to try to do weather forecasts, or make little imaginary houses in tree roots by myself at lunchtimes. I still have a very happy social life and friends now, even though I would have been seen as a loner then. I think some kids just need that time in their own world to recharge.

A bit of encouragement out of comfort zone by all means. But not at the cost of daily "recharge" time that is needed just to function healthily and happily, or they won't have the energy to go out of their comfort zone where it might actually help them/give them some joy.

No BUT the problem is he could end up alone all the time at school as the other kids get used to not including him making him more isolated.

I think you are spot on with your handling of it. Break time, should be exactly that, a break from whatever your son needs a break from.

The school day is filled with forced interaction.