Feeling Guilty again!!

5 replies

Dingle · 30/08/2004 00:19

DS is 5 today. Had a lovely day- family just gone home and have been left to my thoughts.
I'm remembering the joy that he gave us when he was born- I lay there, having not slept for 48 hours or so, just looking in amazement at our precious little boy.
Then I think of our DD first hours and how all the celebration and joy were snatched away from us in a way.
Why am I thinking like this now, had a wonderful day just finished and now I've gone and spoilt it by getting myself all upset.
Oh well, let's have another piece of birthday cake. Today is our day to spend together, just me, DH, DS and our little DD. I WILL make it a good one for all of us. We don't have many days spent for "Just US!"

OP posts:

mears · 30/08/2004 00:24

What happened with DD Dingle?

Jimjams · 30/08/2004 09:46

Oh Jesus I HATE birthdays! Very very very normal feelings. 5 (last year) was a bad one for me. I had lots of hopes pinned on "by the time he's 5 he'll be doing x, y and z" and of course he wasn't doing any of them!

Hope today is better- and happy birthday dd.

Original poster

Dingle · 30/08/2004 16:34

Mears,I had my suspicions as soon as I saw DD,but kept my feelings bottled up until, when she was about 5 hours old, my fears became reality, we were told DD has Down Syndrome. Obviously the shock, emotions were on overload, but I still feel that I was so wrong for not celebrating her birth in the way we celebrated DS.
I love them both to bits, for who they are- and like any kiddies, they are both hard work in their own right.
I suppose your right Jimjams, when ds reaches a milestone, in the back of my mind, I might be thinking, "I wonder what dd will be doing when she is 5?"..That makes me feel even worse because I'm not recognising what ds has achieved, only thinking about dd! Help I need to tear myself in two.

OP posts:

Eulalia · 30/08/2004 20:00

Your thoughts are quite normal and the fact that you acknowledge them shows you care. Hope that doesn't sound too trite. Birthdays always have mixed emotions. Happy bithday to your ds

Jimjams · 30/08/2004 20:26

Aagh misread- happy birthday DS!

DS2's birthdays are mixed as well tbh. He "gets" them iykwim, knows his age, loves presents (athough finally ds1 is getting there on that one!) and has a "proper" party. DS1's are now a toss up between what I think I should do, and what I think he might be able to cope with, never mind enjoy.

Ah well happy birthday your DS!

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