School Meeting - possible ADHD

[OhIfIMust]

Hello. The school have invited us in for a meeting with the SEN and the class teacher to discuss our daughter’s behaviour. She is a bubbly questioning 6 year old but in our opinion doesn’t fit all the criteria for ADHD - she can concentrate on tasks happily and although a bit of a fidget can sit still in class. She is only having issues in transition times between learning sessions when she gets told off for talking and sometimes for not waiting her turn. She was born prematurely (29 weeks) and is on iron for anemia (possibly as a result of the early birth) but apart from that has no health issues. She has already been isolated in the classroom by sitting on a table alone during lessons. We have suggested things like positive behaviour reinforcement instead of detentions, and giving extra work, classroom jobs or colouring to keep her busy while she’s in these transition times but the teacher hasn’t acted on these suggestions so far (she enjoys detentions and doesn’t see them as a punishment). If anyone has any tips on what we should say or ask in the meeting please let me know. We obviously want what’s best for our daughter and are happy to work with the School to improve her behaviour but she is already saying she’s sad about the sitting alone and we don’t want her to feel she is being singled out as “bad” for her behaviour. Thanks for reading!

Sorry, I'm confused.
What are 'transition times between learning sessions' ?
How often does she sit away from other children ?
Can you explain what you mean by detentions ? I mean, I know what a detention is for a 14 yr old, but 6 yr olds don't get that sort of detention so I'm not sure what you mean by that?

Who mentioned ADHD?

The school did - the teachers have suggested we fill out a questionnaire to assess whether she may have it.

So transition times are when they aren’t actually learning - so moving around class from table to mat time. Waiting while children swap from a reading activity to a maths activity. She sits away from other children during all desk based activity not group activity when they sit on the mat - so at least half the day. Detentions are when they go sit in another classroom with other children who have been misbehaving and miss 10 minutes of break or lunchtime. She says she likes to see other classrooms as they aren’t usually allowed in the other year’s classrooms.

I'd ask them how they think detentions or making her sit on her own (thereby highlighting to the others she is different) are going to cure her ADHD, if that is what she has got?

Sitting her on a table on her own, certainly won't address ADD/ADHD because the noises in the classroom of people writing, moving their chairs, etc are enough to distract someone with concentration problems!

Movement breaks help with concentration, so making her miss 10 minutes of break or lunchtime is particularly counter-productive!

The trouble with punishments is that they don't model the desired behaviour, and make people fearful anyway - hardly conducive to real improvements to behaviour. You are right, positive reinforcement is far more effective; but children with ADHD may know what is the expected behaviour, but that does not mean they can curb their impulsivity and conform to it; anymore than we'd expect a cat to walk away from a mouse - prey behaviour, like movement triggers hunting!

Afaik, CAMHS would not diagnose ADD/ADHD in a 6 year old, because its too early to distinguish it from what is normal behaviour for some young children. I'd be looking as you say, for positive reinforcement by the school for a 6 year old.

Constant praise and rewards are needed, certainly not detentions etc. How awful. Sounds like they're stuck in the 1950s. Definitely print off as much evidence as you can about the negative impact of punishment on self esteem, behaviour etc

Thank you so much for replying - this is so useful. I will definitely be pushing the positive behaviour reinforcement with her teachers. Fingers crossed!

What is she like at home?

@carpetglasssofa She has some issues listening when she is tired and is fairly active and doesn’t enjoy sitting still with nothing to do or waiting (like in a doctor’s waiting room), though I wouldn’t say hyperactive (my brother was so I know what that’s like first hand)... she sleeps well and can concentrate on things like reading, drawing and colouring for ages and also on making things with Lego or craft. We do have a fairly routine-driven home life - she can sit and chat at the table for mealtimes no problem, and plays with her little brother without them falling out or fighting. She can play board games where you take turns. She loves watching films at the cinema and will be still throughout and concentrate. I think that’s why we are struggling with what the school says as it’s pretty different to home.

Yeah, if it was ADHD the issues would be broadly consistent across different situations. It would be unusual for a child with ADHD to have parents who hadn't noticed, iyswim. And as pp said, ADHD is diagnosed very rarely before age 7 in this country.

Tbh, nothing that you have mentioned in this thread sounds like a big deal. I don't know if there is more to it that the teachers will let you know about.

Wrt your dd's premature birth, it may be possible that an ed psych assessment may be helpful, in so far as it would identify your dd's strengths and weaknesses in educational terms and highlight strategies she may find helpful. If the school are offering that, I would grab it with open arms.

I hope the school are helpful at the meeting.

I agree with all the replies here.
Whilst I am aware we are hearing your perspective only, and not the schools, or not seeing her ourselves, I genuinely can't see what the school are thinking.

As CarpetGlass suggests, one of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD is that it is present at all times, in all places.

She sits away from other children during all desk based activity

Wow! I am shocked at this. I cannot see any justification for this at all. Yes, potentially if a child with sensory issues prefers it (there are children with sensory differences, often those on the autistic spectrum who prefer to be isolated due to getting sensory overload). Or potentially as a 'one off' for a child who has ignored warnings and is being particularly distracting during a task others need to concentrate on, but I cannot see how any teacher can seriously isolate a child for half of every day (Speaking as a teacher here). Particularly one who is so young. I would really be questioning that.

Thanks for answering my first questions - I understand transition times in the way you have described them, but thought they must be referring to someone else, as the time when moving from the mat to the table or the table to the line or tidy up time, or what ever, is the time when dc are allowed to talk , chat, move about. that is why I thought it might be a term used in a different way in this school.

I agree with everything SaltPans has written.

@BackforGood - as far as we can tell the reason for isolation during study time is she loves a good chat. Thank you so much for replying - I will definitely be questioning the sitting alone - well, the whole approach really. Hopefully we can get some positive reinforcements on the go for good behaviour.

Look at ADD. Adhd girls can present very differently to boys.