meeting with school for 13 year old boy undiagnosed

[scissors7654]

I am preparing for a meeting with school and am looking for some advice in the type of support I should be requesting.

My son is undiagnosed but ticks all boxes on every questionnaire for ADD and many for ASD. He has IQ in top 1% but no friends. I know I need to get diagnosis asap. When we tried when he was younger (age 7) we were told he was just eccentric as so bright (they did the IQ but never did ASD tests and I think he was too young for ADHD at the time). Hence my not having tried again but I will do so now.

In the meantime what strategies can I suggest to school? They have agreed to support him and not suspend him for his latest incident. Currently he has detention every day at lunch AND after school but they are for incidents 5 or 6 weeks ago and as there are so many he has no idea of that any are for or even what subject so they are acting as no deterrent. He is on report but cannot manage to get the paper signed in each lesson or loses it so it keeps getting escalated and no hope of ever getting off it.

I thought of suggesting consistent warnings in lessons between staff, "immediate" consequences and praise when behaving appropriately. Social skills help if such a thing exists would be ideal to help him make friends. He has a mentor so perhaps discussion over specific incidents and why they occurred and how he could have reacted differently. He already sees a psychotherapist outside of school which he loves.

He believes he has ADHD (without knowing we had ever tried to have him diagnosed and says he wants to be medicated so he can think before he speaks doesn't keep saying the wrong thing and making people not like him - this was all his own idea. Unfortunately even if he were diagnosed he could not be medicated as it is prohibited on the other medication he is on for life long medical issues.

Thank you for any ideas.

In the meantime what strategies can I suggest to school?

They should be identifying areas he needs help with and supporting you to have an assessment.

What do they do with other kids who have the same behaviour patterns?
How do they help kids in his situation? What works?

Pastoral care should have social skills groups. No good if he's in detention when they are on though. I'd get them to scrap the detentions, it's not a deterrent for him, he no longer knows what they are for, detention every lunch and after school every day is not going to improve his behaviour.

Look on the Additude website.

Apply for an EHCP now, as well as assessment(s) both processes can take ages depending on where you live so you need to start as soon as possible.

See if there's anything on Ross Greene's website that will help you AND school, Lives in the Balance. Read his book The Explosive Child.

It's good you're prepared to help him, it's an arduous task sometimes, but very rewarding when the right help appears.

Thanks for this. Would you apply for EHCP? I had never considered this as he is all top sets and cant imagine school would support it even though they may support diagnosis. What would the criteria be for an EHCP?

EHCP lasts until they are 25, so could be useful if needed for say extra support in lessons, exam concessions, support at college, FE or Uni.
Read up on it and see if there's anything in it that will help him, now and in the future.

www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

www.justparents.co.uk/parenting/education/5-things-applying-ehcp.html