I'm very sleep deprived so apologies if this is a ramble.
Ds2 is 6, he is a very clever and happy child. His reading and writing skills are above average and he seems to excel in pretty much everything he does. School have said that he is perfect and a great role model.
He is a very caring child, gets on well with other children. He eats well and will try new things. Follows instruction, has an amazing imagination, plays well, walked and talked early, has no coordination issues.
But...
He is prone to meltdowns, I can usually see them coming and lessen or prevent them now.
He has sensory problems with clothes, too tight/loose/hard/high/low/long/short/rough/smooth etc shoes, socks and trousers mainly.
He struggles to stay still, fidgeting, jiggling legs, spinning around.
When he talks he struggles to get the words out sometimes, again he isn't usually still so whilst trying to speak will be jiggling around or looking around, he does make eye contact though. When he was younger he used to take so long to get his words out (not elongated words but gaps or "ums" in between words) that people would constantly try and finish his sentences, which was very frustrating for him.
He struggles to control himself sometimes. He reacts fast and usually very intense, screaming/crying etc.
Sometimes when he has done something wrong, he genuinely doesn't seem to understand why he is in trouble. He looks blank then confused. I don't know if I'm explaining this one right.
He struggles to control his volume.
His 'normal look' has always been described as grumpy, ever since he was a baby, he just looks so serious all the time.
There are often times when it feels like hes not really there, not present, away with the fairies? But not in a daydreamy sense. It's like you can feel it? Maybe that sounds crazy, t those times if you talk to him you know he's not actually taking anything in.
May be unrelated but he struggles to wind down to sleep and since about 1yr old has had 'night wakings' where he wakes crying several times a night. Usually just crying but occasionally laughing, often acting things out like eating/walking/climbing/posting things. He can sometimes communicate but hes not actually awake even though his eyes are open and no.matter how bizarre or responsive his behaviour is, he never remembers it.
I have spoken to school a few times over the years and they've never had concerns although the teacher last year did admit to me that as he is one of if not the most intelligent child in the class, he is seated at the back of the group in group sessions and is often left to do work as they know he can so it is possible that they would miss things like this.
We did go through a particularly difficult patch with constant meltdowns and I almost went to the doctor's to say that we needed help but instead I worked with DS2 and worked on my "acting not reacting" parenting and preventing situations that I knew could lead to meltdowns and all has been going well.
DS2 has recently made a new best friend, this child and DS2 bonded straight away the friend is diagnosed, on the spectrum, and the similarities to DS2 are very clear.
My husband feels that we need to make a choice we either have to make allowances for DS2 because he is on the spectrum or something or we need to crack down on his behaviour. He struggles with DS2 behaviour sometimes.
I have made a doctor's appointment for a few weeks but I'm not even sure what to say? Whenever I have talked to people before I just say that he is different.
If you managed to get through all this then thank you for reading, I guess I'm just wondering what do I do now?