Getting 4 year old assessed?

[honeyharris]

I'm looking for some advice on my 4 year old regarding whether his behaviour might indicate an underlying problem, and how I would go about getting assessed. At home and when he is out with me he is very defiant, gets angry quickly and will hit and throw if he is in a rage. He is very shy going into social situations such as children's parties or any activities like football and will remove himself and sit at the side, or run away and bite me if I try to get him back in. His behaviour at nursery is apparently exemplary and his speech is very advanced, cognitively I would guess he is about average e.g. can recognise numbers and count, recognise some letters etc. I'm really struggling to know whether it's his personality, my parenting or if there's another problem. We have ADHD and Aspergers in my family and I was highly anxious during pregnancy. Any feedback would be welcome, not sure what to do next!

Hi there! I think the usual route recommended is either through nursery or GP - and given behaviour at nursery seems good GP might be more fruitful.

I would take a list of the kind of concerns you have set out here under various headings - e.g.:

• Sensory (when he is out and about, do you think his behaviour could be driven by sensory overwhelm - loud noises etc.?) Does he seem to have any strong sensory needs (e.g. likes jumping, deep pressure) or aversions (e.g. noise, light)?
• Behaviour issues: can you identify any triggers? How long does it take him to recover?
• Social: does he do well at turn taking? Does he like playing with other children? Does he always want to play games on his own terms or will he accept other's ideas?
• Communication: can he express his feelings to you? Can he explain why he is getting angry/frustrated? Can he ask for help when he needs it? What kind of parenting approaches seem to work better/worse?
• How does he respond to changes in plan or routine?

You might want to print off some materials about different behaviours at school and at home, and consider whether they could apply to your DS (e.g. www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/school-home.aspx)