Give me your experience please!

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I have an 8yo with autism, pda, spd and severe anxiety.
Sometimes he’s like a toddler, othertimes like a teenager.
I feel like I need to change my parenting as he lies a lot and can be unpleasant to be around.
I feel that I treat him as older than he is but mentally he’s a lot younger than he is if that makes sense.
I’d really appreciate it if you could share your experience, how you parent, what rules your kids have etc
I feel completely lost right now

My son is grown up now but we had a lot of problems with him when he was a similar age. I now realise it was because he wasn't getting the right level of support at school. Basically he was keeping all his stress and anxiety in while at school, then all hell let loose when he got home. It was a complete nightmare at times.

Could this be what's happening here? Does your son have an EHCP?

He’s currently out of school, he does have an ehcp and I’m hopeful he will be in school soon, thank you for your reply x

I have a son with ASD, SPD, PDA profile and anxiety too. He is seven. I've found the only thing that works with him is trying to make everything hilariously fun (not easy to do when you're stressed/exhausted) and taking off as many demands as possible. Demands aren't just going to the shops/school or brushing teeth but could be really simple things like 'please move your legs so I can sit down'. When he is at the height of his anxiety, he cant really process any language. His sensory system will make his PDA worse because every uncontrolled sensory input (e.g. something not created by him) is a demand for his brain to process. If he tries to get into some sort of manipulation-match, especially with the lying, try not to let him engage you but rather find a more constructive way to give him control over the situation.

It might help not to think of it in ages because he doesn't need teenage, toddler or eight year old care. He needs a very individualised care depending on the mood he is in and the state of his mind. My son's development is so all over the place that we had to just completely abandon milestones and it was very freeing in a way. School and medical professionals try to place all these expectations tied to age but life really doesn't work like that, even less so with autistic children.