Dyspraxic/Dyslexic DD being asked to leave independent school after less than a half term!

[sparklingharbour]

Hello,
I'm asking for opinions and advice please.
Our DD (8) has diagnosed dyspraxia/dyslexia/anxiety and joined a MS independent school in September.
Before joining we were very upfront with the school about how her anxiety affects her (finds it difficult to join in activities sometimes and to talk to people) and disclosed all the reports we have. A lot. SALT, OT, Ed Psych and Clinical Psychologist. We asked them to be honest about whether they felt they could help.

Yes, they said and made an offer.

Now less than half a term in, they say they can't help her as she is refusing to engage in Maths for the last week, and won't talk to all adults, just those she feels comfortable with. They haven't told us to leave but say they're concerned they can't meet her needs. They say her anxiety is a factor.

They say

DD has been trying so hard, is comparatively very chatty there, joins in as much as she can. But yes obviously as we told them she suffers from anxiety.

It is going to affect her badly to have to leave. But obviously we wouldn't want her to stay where she's not wanted.

I don't know what to think though! I suppose I'm just looking for some kind words and solidarity as it is so distressing. And we are isolated IRL. It seems an appalling way to treat a child/family especially one so vulnerable.

And practical advice please. What about fees and deposit - we accepted their offer on the basis they felt they were aware of the anxiety and effects on behaviour but now you'd swear they weren't aware at all.

And what should we do now?

I do have it in writing from them before they made the offer that they were aware of the social anxiety and were going to provide one consistent learning assistant for the first while to settle her in, and to be "her face" for help at the school. They didn't provide that as the woman in question went off sick before term started, but they didn't bother to let us know this for a while...and then only in passing...and she's had a series of students and other assistants.

Honestly I would try and find somewhere better and more inclusive. This looks to me as if it would be a long struggle in this school

Look for a good local school, often independent schools aren't setup or that invested in helping children with learning difficulties. Either you need a specialist private school (which at this age would mean boarding as there aren't many in the UK probably to much with her anxiety) or a good local primary that is used to dealing with children who have these issues already. Go visit lots of schools and see what you can find.

I am so sorry to hear this but also not surprised. I have a dd with dyslexia who also attended independent schools, luckily their SEN dept was excellent. However, I did find especially during primary years but also in early secondary years, that a lot of teachers found it difficult to cope to the point that some lost their tempers with her frequently even though we and SEN dept explained again and again that it wasn't her fault she couldn't get it right etc. It took a toll on her self esteem and did affect her socially.

When looking at taking her somewhere, insist on speaking to the SEN department. As well as being knowledgeable, make sure you get a warm and compassionate sense off them. You need to believe they will be on your child's side as often they need to advocate for your child with class teachers. Good luck

Thanks so much everyone. We went around the State schools with spare places (very few) before sending her there and none seemed suitable (one SEN was suggesting her difficulties were our fault 🤤).
Blessthekids her self esteem went right down after starting school and definitely her teacher at her last school was frustrated and impatient.
There is one state school which seemed nice but tbey have 30% SEN/disadvantage and say they're really struggling to meet needs.
Would an ECHP make a difference if I got her one?

Will bump this to see if anyone has any ideas about ECHP,

Also ask SEN departments if they know of any private SEN tutors that you could utilise outside of school. A supportive network outside school is very helpful if things at school are not as good as they should be.

Thank you Blessthekids!

Yes a tutor would be good, maybe at the weekend as school doesn't finish until 4.

Whereabouts are you?

Have you thought of looking into specialist dyslexia schools?

We went through similar. Now going through EHCP process but it is really hard to find a school that caters for girls with anxiety / sensory issues / ADHD who struggle in a mainstream setting. The first independent school that we went to treated us in a similar way to your experiences. She is at the second one now - they are lovely, but as she progresses to secondary she needs the support of a more specialist setting . Good luck with everything