I haven't posted here in a while - got some really useful advice about my daughter, who I suspect is on the autistic spectrum (masks at school though, so no hope of a diagnosis), and am now back hoping for some advice about my son.
Developmentally, he had more 'red flags' - frequent meltdowns, restricted diet, problems with certain textures - but he's otherwise always been happy, outgoing, and charming. People love him - adults and children - and sometimes he seems to appreciate this, but other times he couldn't care less. He can play in his own little world for hours - all he ever wants to play with are his toy animals. They have to be realistic, and he has a pretty wide range of knowledge about them, but he plays with them as animals - he doesn't line them up or anything.
I knew school would be a problem. Most of the time he's happy to do what you ask him to, but if he has decided to do something else, then he won't do what he's told, and can get very upset. Once he's upset, he gets 'stuck'. It's like he can't hear you - you can try and explain why he can't do it, offer an alternative, say he can do it in five minutes, but he's stuck on that one idea. The other problem is that he gets into these hyperactive states where he is utterly impossible to deal with. He will climb all over you, ignore any commands, laugh in your face, or mimick you when you try to tell him off. And normally, he is the sweetest boy around - these moods are completely out of character. His preschool once told me that if he was the way he is when he was hyperactive all the time, then they would refuse to take him. And they utterly adored him normally! Anyway, so he started school. Within two days they were asking me if they could put him in the nurture room three times a week, because he needs to work on his cooperation. And now I have heard that he bit one child, and punched another in the mouth. His teachers had to put him in another classroom, because he wouldn't listen, and didn't seem to understand that what he was doing was wrong. Plus, when we picked him up, he had pooed himself, and tried to deal with it himself. He wasn't at all bothered about it, and didn't mention it to us.
Sorry, that was long! Am just not sure what to do. This isn't bad behaviour - he doesn't normally push boundaries, he just gets into these strange states occasionally. I think stress, or not understanding something can trigger it. But maybe this is part and parcel of being nearly five - maybe I am just thinking ASD because of his sister. Any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated!