DD(12) wondering if she's on the Autistic Spectrum

[Servalan]

I apologise if this post is a bit nonsensical. My brain's a bit spinny and I'm not quite sure what I'm asking...

I have wondered for a few years if my daughter may possibly be on the autistic spectrum. The thing is, her presentation isn't 'typical' - I read the NHS description for example and it doesn't describe her. She does have some issues with social skills, I spent years watching other kids roll their eyes behind her back, she doesn't seem to have a volume control on her voice (though she is very expressive), she takes offence easily (but that could be adolescence). There are other things too. She is also creative, caring and sensitive. For example, I have watched her talking to a friend that was having a meltdown with such patience and empathy and really helping her and she made me feel ridiculously proud.

The SENCO at her primary school also felt that DD also presented some indicatators of ASD.

I am divorced from DD's father. I have worked very hard to establish a decent co-parenting relationship with him. He is someone that thinks he is right about everything and as a person is quite distrustful and angry. In hindsight and from things others say to me about him, I think he displays some very strong indicators of being on the spectrum himself. He has always been vehemently against any kind of intervention as far as our daughter is concerned. He doesn't want her "labelled" or "pathologized". Recently, my daughter's school got a bit of funding to give support to children that seemed to need a bit of boosting of self esteem. This was offered to DD, but not communicated well to us - and according to DD her dad on her telling him about it. spent an entire evening ranting at her about how she didn't need this intervention and making her feel uncomfortable (he described it to me as him explaining to her all the things she should be proud of).

She has had some support during her time in primary school for some anxiety issues. Allowing and encouraging this and convincing her father that we were not "labelling" and "pathologizing" her was always a very difficult tightrope to walk. I will confess that I find her dad intimidating, but I am more concerned that he will hold forth to DD about his views on this or be hostile to me in front of her - both of which would really upset her.

DD has now approached me to say that she thinks she has a special need like one of her friends (who has a diagnosis for ASD and ADHD). She is looking for some answers.

At the same time, at her school she has a good close-knit group of friends and she has come on in leaps and bounds in terms of confidence.

I have asked her secondary school about this and asked for guidance and support at getting her dad on board - and they have said that I'd need to take her to the GP for diagnosis.

Before doing this and risking antagonising her father, I'm wondering whether there are any good films about the experience of some girls with ASD that I could show DD to see what she identifies with and to help her clarify why she's asking these questions about herself and facilitate useful discussion between me and her that I can feedback to her dad/a GP? I have wondered about showing DD the Chris Packham documentary, but I think she is very different to him, so I don't know whether that would be helpful.

Sorry, this post is really unwieldy - I am struggling to express myself or to know what the best thing to do is

Any wisdom gratefully received

,

Look at YouTube for films

See this current thread on the main boards www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3384361-Has-getting-an-ASD-diagnosis-been-good-or-bad-for-you-your-child?msgid=81529908
and have a look through the SN boards to see what happens to kids especially girls who are undiagnosed.

If she has autism, she has it and will always have it, a diagnosis will not "give" it to her.
Presentation of ASD in girls and women is very different, check out the work of Lorna Wing and Judith Gould.

Hello there,
I understand where you are coming from. My DD is nearly 8. We have always had difficulties with her and missed all the ASD signs because she always was happy, smiley and almost normal at times. We had no idea of her feelings about herself, about how she felt different and sheer effort it took for her to try so hard to appear normal in front of other people. This has impacted really negatively on her self esteem and image. It took me a long time to get DH to understand that there was a serious problem. Until one day I broke down and told him all things she had said. There are some things that no 7 year old should have to feel or say. Perhaps if your DD was honest about her feelings to her father but have more impact. Now that initial tests are confirming that it’s likely ASD he’s deeply ashamed.
There are some great youtubers out there that explain what it’s like for girls on the spectrum.

Best of luck
Maj

Try looking for Invisible i, Purple Ella (particularly her "Autism in Company" videos), Sew Many Books and Rosie King on YouTube. Also possibly Sarah Hendrickx and Agony Autie. I'd watch them all first yourself and see which might resonate with your DD. She might also identify with some of the autistic young men who post videos (e.g. Connor Ward, Aspergers from the Inside, Indie Andy).

Sew Many Books also has a blog (Little Hux Tales) where she has a page of books by autistic authors or about autistic characters. I know State of Grace by Rachael Lucas (who is autistic, as is her daughter: there is a nice video interview between them here: is about an autistic teenage girl so might be a good read for her if she wants to learn more about it without yet going down the route of diagnosis.

Thank you so much for replying. This is really useful. I'll get onto You Tube and get watching. It makes it accessible for DD too who much prefers watching You Tube to most things! (In fact I think she uses characteristics of folks she sees on You Tube for 'masking' purposes)

I'll do the reading too. I really appreciate you all taking the time