5 year old just started school, having problems

[Islalou]

Hi everyone.
I feel like I'm at the start of a journey with my youngest and need to take advise so I do everything right and don't affect him too much in future years.
He's been at nursery, who brought up very few issues, and I'd witness him playing well 121. He's a funny little guy and makes us laugh very much. He has been able to count over 1 hundred for ages, knows planets, sizes, alphabet etc.
He's been with a paediatrician for a while, he took ages to learn to talk and walk and he's still awkward with both - speech is very infantile and he walks like a toddler still, putting his hands out like he's balancing.
Starting school though has been so much more difficult than I ever thought it would be.
He spent a lot of time crying in the classroom, and last night was distraught that he was playing on his own. School say that they've been in the playground with him, and he just simply doesn't understand what the others are playing.
We've spoke with school and they've got Senco looking at him now, so that's good.
They're as surprised as me that it's this level of settling in issues - he's like a different child at the moment, upset, anxious always asking what the next thing to happen will be. School said lunch times are very difficult for him because it's so busy and noisy and he ends up hiding away till it's over.
I'm pretty happy witg school up to now, even to the point that within a week they had war defenders on him in assembly (the noise was upsetting him very much - I hope this is the right thing to do)
He has problems pooing, and although at the times I stumble over the right level of cosmocol he's regular on the toilet, he's usually made some level of mess in his pants) which school seem to deal with ok) but of course this means that not only are his difficulties visible to the other kids, he always has an aroma of poo, no matter how hard we all try.
I must admit that I dread what they're going to say when I pick him up. It can go from having to clean up a massive mess to the fact he's been upset so many times or has fallen over (happens so much, his femurs are a little twisted)
What do I do now tho? Wait for the school assessments? Rely on them making sure he doesn't start on a road to difficult behaviours?
Is there any other agencies that I should deal with?
Pediatrics and gp have been aware of his physical issues for some time, but I seem to have been given cosmocol and told to wait for school to dig into this all.

I feel a little heartbroken for him, and I don't want a clever boy to be badly affected socially

If you're on FB - look for the groups Encopresis Support UK and the somewhat nauseatingly named (but useful) Movicol Mummies. They were brilliant helping us figure out what to do with the Laxido prescription we were handed and left to get on with (same sort of stuff as Cosmocol). Also the Eric helpline but that can be a nightmare to get through. I found logging any accidents or successful movements and the dose of laxatives we were on was invaluable in getting us to where we could time toilet sits and get a result at home... meaning less accidents in school. School nursing should also have continence support available - but I'll be honest, we were referred and self-referred three times before they didn't lose our forms and came out - by which point we'd got the poo onto the level they'd want us to have it onto by ourselves. Keeping a record of the dose and the results really helped get us to the point we'd nailed it - and also means we can notice when there's a day that the anticipated result doesn't happen and up things slightly to get it all moving again (it all goes to literal and metaphorical shit in the holidays though)

Poor guy sounds a lot like DD2 with the poo issues, the coordination and the poor speech and the natural comedian streak - school were fantastic with the poo last year, they'd check her and change any skidded pants to make sure there were no issues (I do do things like pick darker coloured ridiculously patterned knickers in case they're changing for PE or anything).

Last year things ran relatively OK in the end... this year the teacher is a fucking nightmare and I've fired off so many emails to the SENCO that even she (she's a lovely woman) is starting to get pissed off with both me and this bloody class teacher ignoring what's in place (made even more awkward by the fact pissed-off SENCO is teaching my other child). Had the issue with school assuming DD2 wasn't very intelligent because her immature speech put people off... the class teacher last year will happily admit she called that particular one very wrongly to start with - same thing is happening again this year.

I've done the pick up dread - never knowing if you're going to be given a carrier bag (or 4 on one particularly nightmare day) of joy or how many knee grazes and head bumps they'll be (the TAs I joked about bulk photocopying bump letters with DD2's details pre-written in now know exactly why I was making those jokes!)

Do school do a visual timetable? I know our school are very very strict on going through the day first thing on the morning to say what's going to happen and populating the timetable in front of the kids - DD2 copes with most stuff (she's got some sensory quirks) but likes to know exactly what's coming up (so she can complain bitterly if it doesn't meet with her scheduled expectations!).

We've had input from SALT (was fuck all use - because she now can articulate all sounds they don't give a shit about the other massive problems with her speech - we've ended up having to go privately there) and OT as well as paediatrics etc.

The social stuff... can't help you there - after a year of it being hard going and never really tackled I've had to get really really cross to try to get school to get a handle on it this year - ours isn't helped by one utter total bitch of a mother on the playground who will turn her back and move her child away if DD2 says hello and has egged her kid on to basically bully mine. Sooner or later one of the other parents who are so horrified this is happening is likely to deck the woman in question.

upset, anxious always asking what the next thing to happen will be

Structure his day, ask school to use a now next then visual for him. www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/t-s-100-now-next-then-visual-aid
Use one at home as well. He hasn't picked up the routine, he doesn't know what's going on, that's causing him a lot of anxiety.

Lots of kids don't understand the order and routine of simple things to do with day to day living unless they are explained. Never assume he knows something like brush teeth is followed by bed and story, always let him know 'Now we're brushing your teeth, next will be getting into bed, then we'll read a story.

I second the now/next visuals as they can take a lot of anxiety away.

Also have you seen an OT? It sounds like he might have some sensory issues. If you read 'the out of sync child' it has checklists so you can work out if/what kind of issues your child has.

It sounds like a very stressful for time for you both.

Thank you! So much of this makes sense to me.
I can imagine you're wanting to kill that other mum. Some mums in those playgrounds are horrible. I usually stick with the dads or the other quiet mums!
I've got half a brain on next year. She seems OK, and in fact my other two went through the same teachers. But those two cruised through, and I almost felt like sending a warning to the school before I brought this little guy in.
Mainly, I think school are doing OK (except for play and dinner when it all seems to go into the hands of dinner ladies - who are great but they don't have the prior knowledge of the classroom staff)
I'm annoyed about nursery not bringing a thing up with school, and I'm annoyed at the GP for chucking me cosmocol and telling me to basically make him shit buckets. He was doing so well with that till he clenched up in panic because of school, so I went through the process of SLIGHTLY increasing the dose, which seems to take a week to work then a week to slow down.. Then I'm into the same cycle again.

Thanks for this though, it's cheered me up a little (not that ur little girl is having difficulty, but the way it's written)

Your little boy sounds quite a lot like my DS1. He really struggled with school for the first couple of years.

I remember taking him to the toilets after the school day had finished, holding tiny baby DS2 with one arm and putting on a puppet show with the other in an attempt to get him to just sit on a toilet at school.

DS1's anxiety was helped by one TA who was the kindest, loveliest lady. Every morning DS1 would go straight to her and she would help him hang up his bag and coat, and then go through the school day on the visual time table with him. He was also given a mini time table to keep in his pocket.

I also found that a lot more help was available once DS went into year 1.

DS1 is now a huge and fabulous year 5. He is still quirky and very anxious, but school has got better and easier with each passing year.

I hope things get better for your little boy very soon. He sounds fab.

More sensory info written by OTs.

www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?v=201507131117

Thanks for replying everyone!
I'll certainly take on board what everyone has said.
The main thing I get from your replies is not to feel guilty or embarrassed about it.