Need a bit of handhold over child’s behaviour

[LifeInPlastic]

My son has diagnosed ASD, with PDA. Suspected ADHD, SPD, Dyspraxia. Waiting for assessments for those.
His behaviour when he started school was off the charts awful. His school picked up on the likely ASD very quickly and we were lucky to get a fairly quick diagnosis. He has 121 in school and other interventions. His behaviour at home and school improved immensely,
Now, a year or so on, we’ve had two awful weeks. Violent, aggressive, defiant behaviour. The usual strategies aren’t working. I’m at my wits end, physically and emotionally drained by it, and today ended up shouting at my dad because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I feel awful, and have apologised.
I feel like we’re back to square one and nothing will improve. I dread him coming home from school every day. I cannot cope with him. My DH has a long commute, leaves before DS gets up and is usually back after DS is in bed.
We’ve had help from external agencies before. Chocolate and teapot spring to mind. Earlybird course was more helpful, but the strategies we picked up there no longer seem to work.
I feel very lost.

Sorry things are so difficult for you right now.

Has anything changed for him, has something happened/is something happening at school which he is masking then letting go at home?

Anything in here you've not tried already?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3381128-Sensory-Behaviour

I'm sorry, I know the feeling . Transitioning back to school is so overwhelming. Happens every year with my kids who are now older. Is he exhibiting the same behaviour at school?

He’s been ok at school. He has a tailored curriculum and shorter lessons. There have been a couple of minor flare ups there, but nothing like we’re getting at home.

Could it be that as the day goes on, he has a harder time coping? My ds2 's most challenging time of day was towards the end of the school until dinner time. Once he ate he calmed down.

It’s the weekends that have been particularly bad. Evenings seem to be better this week, although mornings are still difficult.

Is it because, after he's got the overload of school out of the way, weekends are more unstructured and he doesn't know what's happening?

Have you tried a now, next and later chart or visuals so he knows what's going to happen in his day in the near future?

Thank you. Blank. We’ve done all of that, we have a whole arsenal of strategies but none are working with him at the moment. We do try to have some structure at the weekends and have a wallplanner for now and next.

I personally would cut back to the absolute minimum of demands at weekends, and start from there.
I would also try talking to him whilst doing art together (or lego or cooking or gardening, whatever he will engage with), and trying to see if there are things bothering him.
Has his TA changed? What about his teacher? Is he holding things in at school and it comes out at home? How are bedtimes (worries often surface then)?
Make an appointment with the teacher, and discuss in depth how he is coping don't just accept the "everything is fine", but try to get specifics.

How was he over the summer?
If he needs routine then get one for the weekend, together with a visual time table.

But yes its hard.