9 year old picky eater

[carr1e1977]

We have a lovely 9 year old daughter who is dyspraxic, and we are awaiting assessment for autism (we know she is autistic).
She has ALWAYS been a picky eater, with very limited diet. Every year I get called up to the school as they are concerned that she doesn't eat much or anything for lunch. Short of going to sit with her each day, I'm at a loss what to do?
At home she eats what we eat, but this is usually with a lot of bribery (I know, probably totally the wrong thing to do). So if she eats, 5 spoonfuls of x she can get some bread etc. When she does like something she will eat a huge amount of it which is great. But then she puts herself off it...
She will analyse all her food before eating, when asked she isn't sure what she is looking for, but she is clearly looking for something. She is very easily put off if something looks 'funny'.

I have been on websites looking at ideas for picky eaters/sensory issues however their suggestions just wouldn't work. for example one of the suggestions is to get a dip so the child can dip broccoli into their favourite dip. My child would run a mile if I tried to get her to eat broccoli and she doesn't like any dips! Another website suggested roasting peas. Really??!

So, I suppose I am looking for advice/help on what I can give her for lunch at school. At the moment she takes 4-5 cocktail sausages, some crackers, a brioche chocolate roll and maybe crisps. She will come back home with 2-3 sausages and some crackers. I'm totally aware the brioche and the crisps aren't good for her, but at this stage, am happy she eats anything tbh. For a while I was making her mini pizzas but she has gone off those saying they are dry by the time she has lunch.

HELP!?

Its the fact that everything will be cold by the time she has lunch that is the issue. She won't eat soup so can't make soup for her and put it in a flask. Any suggestions on how to keep the mini pizzas hot/warm?

She will eat:
sausages
ham (sometimes, though off this just now)
Any bread product, but not rolls at the moment, actually or sliced bread
crisps
croissants

Any help very much gratefully received. She is a very tall thin child, though GP isn't concerned by weight. I would love to see her with a bit of fat as she is always cold due to low body weight :-(

thanks all x

I think parents naturally worry about the amount and variety of what your child eats, but, I can remember as a child living off peanut butter and jam sandwiches, cereal, apples and cheese sandwiches. Occasionally roast dinners and fish fingers. As long as there are carbs, protein, fat and vitamins then you are doing ok. You can get multivitmins with calcium that are essentially sweets, and that is worth doing.

Can you try to set yourself a reasonable aim, in conjunction with DD, that is not too ambitious. At 9 she is old enough to understand that she needs a balanced diet to be healthy. Talk about it and let her choose one (or more) vegetable, one (or more) fruit, one (or more) dairy product that is tolerable, and aim to eat them once a day. Let her choose the when, where and how so she has as much control as possible. E.g. if she likes crips, would she try apple crisps or banana chips. Allow her to say no to things, on the understanding that she will choose one thing to say yes to.

It's absolutely fine to reward eating something new and unpalatable. We work on the princple that you have to learn to tolerate new foods, and eventually you can learn to like them. It's not at all scientifically true, but I have convinced my children that you have to try something 7 times and then you will like it. And if you still don't, then the item goes off the menu for ages with no comment or judgement.

We have had a lot of success with letting DS cook for himself (he's 9 and can do basics like toast and beans). He will make his own smoothies and I am allowed to put whey protein in them about half of the time. Will she try chocolate milk? We went from chocolate milk to cocoa with decreasing amounts of sugar until DS will drink milk with plain cocoa powder.

We also have a rule that you don't have to eat anything. Food goes on the table, you can serve yourself what you want from the available foods, and there is no pressure at meal times. All discussion happens away from meals, and is as non-confrontational as possible.

With school lunches, I would just accept that if she eats anything that's good. School can be so incredibly stressful that it's not a great place to add any additional challenges. Can the school find her somewhere calm and quiet to eat if she finds the lunch hall too loud/bright/smelly?

thank you thats all very useful advise and quite similar to something I have just been reading about division of responsibility which is interesting. You are right though, my diet when I was a kid was very limited (cauliflower and cheese and chips and not a lot else!). I think we are a lot more aware these days, plus I have the added stress of awaiting contact from school again about her not eating.

She likes hot chocolate, but she has an issue with some textures. Would the protein powder thicken up a milk shake?

thanks so much for taking the time to reply

Protien powder has a texture and taste. I don't care for it, but my DS is ok with it in smoothies.