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Original poster

Remind me never to go on holiday again

90 replies

Jimjams · 23/08/2004 10:12

And if I ever mention the word "ferry" ever then please take me outside and shoot me.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter (for now ). Might say more when all our bruises and scratches have gone down. Poor old ds2 looks like he's done several rounds with thorn bush. DH's shirt is blood stained. DS1 has even managed to bruise himself from hitting his chin so hard, and headbutting the car window.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 26/08/2004 17:49

notthecod - dh has had it. He'a always been supprotive of my problems with his mother- in a iind of non-interventionist way. But now it afects his children- he definitely says what he thinks....

OP posts:
coppertop · 26/08/2004 17:52

and

Very very on your behalf. The PIA's (couldn't resist that one, Aloha!) were so incredibly rude and thoughtless.

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 17:54

Jimjams, I was wondering (in VERY angry way - feel like taking a ferry to go and shout BAD GIRL in your MIL's face, quite honestly) if they are being head in the sand about disability too. I am so sorry.

Issymum, sorry, the woo's taken. Issydame? IssyFit?

hmb · 26/08/2004 18:02

I was thinking of shouting Daft Insensitive Stupid Cow myself

suedonim · 26/08/2004 19:15

I'm so sorry this went haywire, Jimjams. Your poor little boy, he must have been distraught, and poor you for having to put up with such ignorant folk. I think you must consider your duty done and put yourself and family first when it comes to PILs.

hoxtonchick · 26/08/2004 19:17

What awful in-laws jimjams. Hope everything calms down next week.

JanH · 26/08/2004 19:19

DS1's reaction to the Bad Boy business is the only ray of light in the whole sorry saga - I hope she got well pinched for it.

I'm very sorry the trip was so dire, jimjams - I hope DH will stick to his guns and never make you all do it again.

Davros · 26/08/2004 19:30

Hi Jimjams, I've been catching up on MN today (yes, you're all sick of seeing my name!)
Well, that experiement proved you right I suppose but so awful to have to go through it. Now you KNOW and have good evidence that its not a good idea. Bravo DH for speaking up and sticking up for his family.
It really shows that its NOT a good idea to do things on other people's terms unless its ABSOLUTELY unavoidable. You've certiainly done your duty and HOW. Hope you all recover and get back to enjoying being comfy and secure at home.
PLEASE DON'T let the witch come over to "help" you when number 3 arrives, I think it would be just awful. Mind you, will you need extra help? We had the au-pair last year for 6 months because of DD being born having thought it was a silly idea (suggested by a friend) but it was a life saver. Mind you, sooo happy to get the house back to ourselves when she went (on good terms, still babysits). What will you do about some help?

Davros · 26/08/2004 19:32

Hi Jimjams, I've been catching up on MN today (yes, you're all sick of seeing my name!)
Well, that experiement proved you right I suppose but so awful to have to go through it. Now you KNOW and have good evidence that its not a good idea. Bravo DH for speaking up and sticking up for his family.
It really shows that its NOT a good idea to do things on other people's terms unless its ABSOLUTELY unavoidable. You've certiainly done your duty and HOW. Hope you all recover and get back to enjoying being comfy and secure at home.
PLEASE DON'T let the witch come over to "help" you when number 3 arrives, I think it would be just awful. Mind you, will you need extra help? We had the au-pair last year for 6 months because of DD being born having thought it was a silly idea (suggested by a friend) but it was a life saver. Mind you, sooo happy to get the house back to ourselves when she went (on good terms, still babysits). What will you do about some help?
STOP PRESS!! Just heard that Jimjams got A* for her Japanese GCSE so good news and reason to celebrate, well done JJ!!

Fio2 · 26/08/2004 19:41

I am so sorry this has happened jimjams Sad as usual we are in the same boat with dh's relatives. My self -centered SIL told me to get a grip because 'one day my dd would leave home' yeah right! Angry she came last month, i am still fuming. We were given the news that week that our daughter may have a recessive condition that can cause stillbirth/premature death but her thick head doeant even realise it may affect her sons future

sorry had some wine!

roisin · 26/08/2004 20:08

Oh what a nightmare trip Jimjams I've been thinking of you today.

Please, please bookmark this thread and refer back to it in years to come when anyone starts talking about the possibility of going back again.

Jollymum · 26/08/2004 20:37

Jimjams, I feel sorry for you, you Ds and also your DH. My Dh can't stand his mother, she drives him mental and she's only 56. I once asked him if he would be sad when she wasn't here and I have spent years saying to him things like "but it's your mother, you shouldn't be rude etc etc". But she is soooo selfish, he has had to choose basically and I feel for you. If they were old parents I would maybe understand their impression that Ds was just naughty and needed a "slap" or whatever, as many people in Tesco's etc do. BUT they're young enough to not only understand but to help. You don't need their help with baby 3, I've probably asked before and you may not want to say, but can we?I/Mn's help? Let us know, don't simmer, just chill. If I can help I will. , for inlaws and Dh and for DS

WideWebWitch · 26/08/2004 21:06

Jimjams, I'm so sorry you had an awful time. Not the summer I had in mind for you (the borrow an Aussie thing we wondered about briefly), so sorry. Bet you're relieved to be home.

Chandra · 26/08/2004 21:28

Sorry, I believe there must be an Issywoo in Mumsnet so I got the names mixed, never thought it was ofensive, obviously English is not my first language and have no way to see how did I offended you Issymum. (And please don't embarrass me by explaining - I'm off to have a look at the dictionary)

Chandra · 26/08/2004 21:29

Clink! now I understand! just read it loud to DH and we both are laughing, I'm sorry!!!

onlyjoking9329 · 26/08/2004 21:39

sorry it wasn't a holiday as such jimjams, sounds like stress and more stress i am sure you will not need reminding to stay away next time they offer.

dinosaur · 26/08/2004 21:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

heartinthecountry · 26/08/2004 21:53

Oh Jimjams - that sounds so awful . I'm sorry. Has DS1 managed to feel more relaxed now he is at home?
There is no excuse for your PIL's behaviour, esp MIL. Whatever her views are, however uncomfortable she might feel about disability, if she loved her son she would make the effort to understand for his sake and that of her grandson. Absolutely unacceptable to behave in such a way, especially when you had explained the appropriate reaction to her. I usually try and give people the benefit of the doubt but it sounds like in her case she is simply a selfish, stubborn old witch (sorry).

tamum · 26/08/2004 22:21

Sorry to go off-topic for a minute jimjams, but I just read your post Fio- do email me if you want to

jmb1964 · 27/08/2004 00:35

Oh God Jimjams, what a nightmare. If you and dh can be strong and together on this you need not see the ILs again FOR A VERY LONG TIME. Can't think what else is going to work, although it could feel a bit like a bereavement for your poor disappointed husband. Must be hard for him to see his own flesh and blood behaving so abominably.
Hope you're able to get back to some kind of normality soon - not long til school starts?

eidsvold · 27/08/2004 01:12

Oh Jimjams - what a MIL.... i think part of it is burying head in the sand but to scream in your little one's face is just not on. I second Davros' idea of an au pair.... friend suggested it to me. Your dh was brilliant - must have taken a lot for him to say that to his family too.

just sooo sorry

survivour · 27/08/2004 02:27

With you all the way with this one JJ. She sounds like my MIL, when my third son was born 6 weeks early, with 4 defects of the heart, his intestines outside his belly, a facial stroke, deformed 4 th toes both feet, she had the nerve to ask me, did the doctors not tell you he would be born "sick", errr, YES, but I decided to keep my baby, whatever happened, he is now 2, has had full heart repair, they put back his intestines, he can't talk yet, but he is the apple of my eye. I have been told to expect learning difficulties, autism, adhd, and the like...... we will cross each bridge as and when we need too... Keep up the good work, your in-laws do not deserve you..... You make me feel like I can face the world..... Let me dust of my pedastal for you..... Big hugs to you and yours....

krocket · 27/08/2004 07:36

just read davros's post re: jimjams getting an A in her japanese - is there no end to what this woman can do?! well done jj how on earth do you manage to learn a new language with everything else going on?! much admiration

Original poster
Jimjams · 27/08/2004 09:33

Oh God Fio- are you OK? Is that a definite carrying the condition or a maybe?

TBH DS1 did quite well when we were actually there. He ate (sometimes goes on hunger strike when we go away), he slept- only woke up one night, didn't flush anything down the loo, didn't chuck too much down the stairs and didn't pinch too much (except during the journeys- when it was mainly through distress). The journey was definitely the worst bit- the stay was fairly normal behaviour from the IL's - its just reached a bit of a head for dh I think- he's had enough.

As for when ds3 is born- I think it'll be OK. DS1 will be in school. ds2 is in nursery 3 mornings a week and he's really easy to have around anyway. My Mum helps out a lot- she comes in most days after work to help wth tea/bathtime- the main problem will be the bit when I can't drive and have to do the school run- but we'll sort something out. I doubt I'll be off driving for too long anyway.

Anyway my Mum has just read Lorna Wing's the autistic spectrum and said she found it very helpful. I haven't looked at it for years, but thought I might lend our copy to PIL. I've flicked through and found myself annotating every page. It is useful- and for example explains why us telling FIL to get a move on and stop reading the paper when we've said (and ds1 has heard) we're going out is not us "panicking".

BTW everyone in the Japanese class got A*'s so I think it must have been an easy paper

OP posts:
Twinkie · 27/08/2004 09:43

How awful Jimjams and what terribly selfish In Laws you have - TBH when you were saying about your problems getting everything organised I so wanted to say - oh stay at home or go somewhere nearer and away from rude people and most of all PUT YOURSELF AND DS FIRST!!!!

Please from now on start doing that - your ILs have to be the ones to take the lead now and behave appropriately, they have to understand just how difficult things can be and how much you have on your plate - be selfish when it comes to your family is the crux of it really - you have far more to take into consideration than most and you PILs have to be made to see that - even if it does mean a Mumsnetter march over to their place!!