I think my dd (8) may be autistic?

[purple8dragon]

i have thought this for years however a paediatrician told me if it isn't affecting anything (friends, school etc) then it isn't really an issue.
however its now feeling like i need some guidance so i went to the doctor and they have referred her to CAMHS . i will type out what i wrote in the notes i gave to the GP

main problem is meltdowns, these are affecting family life now on an almost daily basis, when something angers/upsets her(falling out with siblings, changes in routine, wrong textures etc) she starts to bang into things, tip furniture over etc. when she is asked to stop/ re directed etc she starts shouting, this almost always results in parents and / or siblings getting hurt. she will hit, kick, push, dig her nails into people, becomes destructive, breaks furniture, pulls off cupboard doors, tears up books and throws things.

*changes in routine, even small things like running out of milk for evening drink or having the wrong socks to wear cause the above violent outbursts.

*textures, always has had to have labels cut out, cannot wear denim, things that are tight, denim, anything she can feel the seams in. will wear tracksuits and baggy dresses, but much prefers to be in pyjamas when at home and will change into them at the earliest opportunity. struggle to buy her shoes as she can feel every bump

takes things very literally and doesn't usually 'get' sarcasm

will occasionally start to laugh maniacally at something only slightly funny and wont stop for a long time sometimes up to half an hour

doesnt seem to understand peoples feelings, eg, when she has a meltdown it scares her younger brothers, but when speaking to her afterwards she cant seem to understand why, even when she is given a couple of days she wont apologise, acts as though nothing has happened. she will say sorry when asked to but it feels like shes just doing what shes asked to do.

she doesn't appear to have any problems at school. she has a best friend and is very happy. very intelligent, top of her class in all subjects despite being a summer born child. when she isn't being disruptive she is the most lovely child, always saying how much she loves us, her life, shes just a gorgeous lovely girl, and this is most of the time.

we were hoping these would get less often as she got older but they are happening more often and are causing a lot of upset in the family now

she did have problems with not understanding personal space when younger, stroking people, telling everyone she loved them even if a friend she just met at the park but seems OK with this now

is quite repetitive, tells us thing she has said the same day or day before, feels like she is using what she knows is a good conversation starter rather than what comes naturally

not entirely sure what im asking, maybe just wanting to get it off my chest, does anyone have any thoughts> does this sound like anything youve experienced with your autistic children? i hope (dont think) its just my parenting as i have 3 other children, but maybe it is.
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ive heard its hard to get a diagnosis, are they going to just say shes a pre pubescent girl and is fine?

feel a little out of my depth now ive set the ball rolling

xxx

Hi. Sounds v familiar, yes.

I'm going to recommend The Explosive Child - apologies if you've already read it. It's really good on the meltdowns. I also like The Autism Discussion Page.

Also, a blog called Steph's Two Girls. It's about PDA in large part, but it's very good.

And Parenting Girls on the Autism Spectrum by Eileen Riley Hall.

I really liked Neurotribes. In fact, I loved it. But not a parenting book and maybe good to have in reserve as your first book post diagnosis because it is very inspiring when maybe you might feel a bit wobbly.

Sorry I've just chucked a reading list at you!

No that's great thank you. I honestly don't have Clue what I'm doing or if she's even autistic x

She was on one this evening, and the other kids (as kids do, especially not knowing there is potentially any difficulties) winding her up and making it worse. I talked to her and she went from angry to burst into tears. I stupidly read the situation wrong and thought I'd hug her and calm her, just keep hold of her and she would let go and relax into me. Totally backfired, she went mad, attacked me, toddler was screaming, I started crying, which made everything 10x worse, toddler was worried etc

I am really struggling with this

Your daughter certainly sounds like she has "autistic traits" this isn't a medical term exactly so use this if you need to get support in the mean time. Girls learn to mask these traits over time which could explain why she doesn't to things now that she did when she was younger. Whether or not she gets I diagnosis I would suggest managing the unwanted behaviour as though she has a diagnosis. Eg ask her if she would like a hug before giving one or ask for one yourself. Some of us cannot process physical contact so a hug is just too overwhelming. Be consistent in telling her that her behaviour is not acceptable however validate how she is feeling. If she can't connect to other peoples feelings chances are her own feelings are just as overwhelming. So you could say "I know you're angry right now and that is ok you're allowed to be angry but you cannot hit me it isn't acceptable."

Right, so do read the Explosive Child. It's not autism specific, but it's great for the whole thing around not setting kids up to explode. It's a really good way to come at the behaviour you describe.

Is she going back to school tomorrow, or did she go back today? Every vaguely sensitive child is acting out today, because it is all very scary! And lots of parents have the wobbles too. Yours won't be the only parental tears this week - we're only human.

Thanks everyone, yes she went back today. She had a brilliant first day back but I think the stress of getting back into it and into a new class on top of the anxiety she's had over the days leading up to it have just all come to a head x