Will an autism assessment affect DD's chances of getting into the school she wants?

[PhilomenaButterfly]

I've just applied for DD's secondary school place. She's got an appointment at CAMHS for an autism assessment in October.

My aunt, who found out from my other aunt, her sister, because 2nd aunt will have the DC for half term and I obviously need her back for the appointment, texted me yesterday saying that I need to be careful that the assessment doesn't affect her chances of getting into her 1st choice, an oversubscribed, high achieving school.

It's non-selective (she says "that's what they all say") and we don't have to disclose the assessment or the result (she says "they always find out").

I'm autistic myself, and don't know what else to say to her. I just texted "OK"in the end.

Is she right?

Sorry, that was a bit of an essay!

It won't affect her chances, what nonsense. The schools can't discriminate because of an additional need.

Thanks both! 😀 I don't know if she thought she could talk me out of the assessment or what. I care more about DD's welfare than which school she gets into. She's not really bothered, although we'd both prefer the first choice.

True!

Another one saying it will have no effect whatsoever, but yes, who'd want to send their child to somewhere they weren't welcomed anyway? Fingers crossed for your DD OP!

It shouldn't have any effect but your aunt has shown herself up as a dreadful snob.

She did that years ago PickAChew! 😂

I wouldn’t want my child going anywhere with a negative view of autism anyway.

Your aunt sounds very judgemental.

She is Fairylea.

Why do your whole extended family know about the assessment? I think your dd deserves some privacy, actually.
And no, it will have no impact on school admissions whatsoever.
But fgs keep your aunties out of it . The poor kid.

I put that in the OP. I told 1 aunt so that she'd bring DD home the day before the assessment because it's during half term, she obviously told her sister.

I couldn't keep the 1st aunt out of it, because she'd only have asked why I needed to have her back early.

Apart from anything else, it's stark staringly fucking obvious to everyone who knows DD that she's on the spectrum. The 1st aunt's just in denial. She comes out with "we're all on the spectrum." No, "we're" not.

Fair enough. I’d have gone for “we have plans” myself, but it’s your call.

She'd never have let it go at "We have plans." I'd have had a barrage of texts, then phonecalls, then threats to come down, which when you're autistic just makes you want to curl up into a ball.

I'm autistic too and I know how hard it is to not try and over explain. Im practicing that. You shouldn't have to justify why you want your child returned to you but equally there is no reason to keep your daughters assessment and diagnosis to yourself. Yes we all exist on the spectrum but if anyone starts in on that just keep saying. "Yes we all exhibit autistic traits but where a persons traits are severely affecting their life they need diagnosis and support." If they keep on tell them you aren't discussing it with them anymore and they should keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves thanks.

Mum it's not that, my aunt wouldn't leave it alone until I told her, she'd be on the doorstep. I don't really understand the constant "why, why, why". DH's family doesn't do that. If I hadn't told her, she would have kept asking, or just kept her there.

And DD would just have told her anyway. Quite rightly, she realises that:

1. she hasn't been diagnosed yet

2. being autistic isn't something to be ashamed of.

God, I didn’t mean to suggest it’s anything to be ashamed of!
Just that it’s personal, and she might like to be in control of who she shares with.
But your family dynamics are obviously a little unusual (it sounds like your aunt plays a mother’s role in your life?) so I’ll butt out.
I didn’t mean to be offensive.

I didn’t say weird, zzzz, stop analysing my posts please?
It’s unusual for an aunt to behave the way op has described, but I’ve acknowledged that it’s not my business.

You weren't offensive iama. 😀

She'd like to play a mother's role in my life, if my mother was a complete control freak and I was 6. I have a mother. I don't need 2. I told her because she asked.

The text conversation went like this:

Me: "DD needs to be here on the 26th."

Aunt: "Why?"

Me: "She has an appointment."

Aunt: "What appointment?"

Me (because I know how it'll go if I don't answer): "Autism assessment."