Can anyone work out what was going on here?!?

[headache898]

Sorry long thread!!!But this morning everything with DS (ASD aged 5) went fine, he woke up in good spirits, we had a nice chilled breakfast, lots of cuddles. I had promised him a lovely activity the night before which he reminded me about today. I said Ok, let's do it after you get dressed and washed etc. All fine. We sat down to the activity which was to make transformers from cardboard. He started to get a little fretful because my other two DCs were slow in getting to the activity table but I sat with him and showed him how to glue (he's done this activity before). He started ranting about the stuff not staying stuck but I reminded him he needed to wait for it to dry and we can start making another robot. He started crying and screaming and being erratic. The others came to the table and settled in happily but at this point, he was screaming and throwing the materials around. I tried to placate him by making other things with the cardboard,like an axe which he normally loves (using sellotape so no need to dry) but he was too far gone. So we've now had a massive meltdown,I've tried clearing the stuff away but he's grabbing it and shredding everything and then started throwing toys at me and trying to hit me. Towards the end he was screaming for his iPad which I introduced about 2-3 weeks ago but only in timed chunks as a reward. In the past he had full access to his tablet but he just went crazy, meltdowns when the battery ran out, meltdowns because he wanted to imitate his older brother in playing the same games. but because he's motor skills aren't great and he's v impulsive he just couldn't keep up. So spent enormous amounts of time screaming at me and throwing the tablet around. So I phased the tablet out and it was v successful. I didn't want to give him the iPad just now because I try to keep it as a positive activity, rather than a panicked placating remedy. Why do you think he kicked off? I'm just baffled. This is a typical day by the way, if it's not arts and craft it'd be the iPad that would have triggered him off. He has significant speech delay and kind of selective understanding. But also v bright but super impulsive. Oh and very demand avoidant. PDA seems to fit him well apart from the speech -I read that PDA kids tend to be advanced in their speech.
He's now calm (but grumpy) and watching TV!

Why do you think he kicked off? I'm just baffled

Guessing it's a time where he thought the activity should go how he'd expected, then found it wasn't working like that and his anxiety skyrocketed, he couldn't cope because reality did not match his expectations.

The other kids didn't sit down when he thought they should have done, his glue didn't dry instantly so he couldn't do the next stage when he thought he should, he didn't want to make another robot he wanted the original one and couldn't wait because again it was not within his expectations.
Simply put, a whole host of small expectations not being met = cannot cope because the whole world isn't doing what he thinks it should = meltdown.

Try and work on him being a bit more flexible in his expectations. It's very hard and can take a long time but you'll eventually reach a point of We want to do A, but if x happens then we'll do C instead and he'll be okay with it.

Can you do some Social Stories about expectations? This sort of thing, loads online but adjust them so it's really relevant to him.

Don't forget that a lot of kids with SN are emotionally much "younger" than their chronological age too, so if your son is 5, his ability to reason and to cope with changes is more like that of a 3 year old.

Tomorrow we want to go to the Park. This will instantly produce a scenario in his mind about how the whole thing will happen and play out.
Discuss timings and see if you can introduce flexibility little by little.
What can we do if it rains?
What can we do if brother/sister is ill and we can't go?
What can we do if it's late and we're hungry so we need food first.
Get to the Park.
What can we do if someone else is on the swings?
What can we do if we want to play with a ball but there's a dog running around?

You get the idea

Thank you! I ought to realise that sometimes even the tiniest disappointments can set him off. I find that his understanding is sporadic, one minute he understands, the next he is oblivious. He is very bright but it feels he is trapped by his limited communication.
I can handle anxiety meltdowns if he's non violent but it's the actual violence that really wears me down. He's a really good shot. I had a big cushion and was deflecting all the missiles yet he still managed to smash a bloody big transformer on my head!!
Thank you again for breaking it down for me. I tend to get so worked up and can't take a step back.

I will look into making some social stories for him.

Believe me, it's a million times easier to advise on a well-written post like yours with step-by-step details than it ever is to be in the middle of a situation like that, wondering what's going on and having to defend yourself as well. You just go into autopilot mode to deal with it as best you can then you have to wait until it's over before you can even try to think 'Wait, what happened?'
Been there, not with violence but with the meltdowns. If it's any consolation, it does get easier

Dd (7, ASD) gets like that also! can be impatient, frustrated and if it doesn’t go as planned, particularly with arts and crafts, she explodes! 😬

Huge hugs, it can be like walking on eggshells sometimes can’t it!