Help with incredibly destructive son- I'm reaching screaming pitch.

[Heaviestdirtyestsoul]

Ds is 5 nearly 6. He has adhd, autism, epilepsy, global developmental delay and is mentally around 18-24 months. He is strong, he is taller than his nearly 7 yo brother (tallest in his year) and is built like a tank- runs through you rather than round you. He was developing neuro typically untill 2.5 years old and had a prolonged febrile seizure due to an ear infection. It lasted 52 minutes and at one point he stopped breathing. All this he has been diagnosed with is since then. MRI scans show scar tissue and an inactive cystic leision. Nobody we have seen is able to tell us why this has happened, his paediatric specialist thinks it's something genetic that was going to happen anyway due to a few other little things she has noted. ( odd shaped fingernails, flat feet, reflux, large head) his day to day behaviour is incredibly hard to deal with. I feel tired just thinking about how the rest of the day will go- he hangs off handles untill they break, he is sat holding the drawer front in his hands as he has just pulled it off, he has pulled a television off the wall, he peels off wallpaper and sometimes eats it, he lays on the floor and kicks at things untill they break, he climbs on furnature and has my heart in my mouth running to get to him before he falls as his balance is poor, he is determined to do his best to destroy anything he picks to destroy that day no matter how many times you take him away from it, try to distract him, explain that its naughty, warn him of consequences if he carries on trying or follow through with consequences. He is absolutely relentless and totally unaware of any repercussions of his behaviour. Nothing sinks in, not warnings of something being hot, not even after burning himself, or sharp, even after cutting himself.
If you leave the door unlocked he will run outside and try every car door to get in and beep the horn- or if he fancies it- run into the neighbours houses or to the park at the end of the street. He strips himself naked a lot too- so sometimes his running off is done in the nude- i am so stressed with it all.
I have two other children at home- one with a broken leg requiring an external fixator frame and a 16 year old that needs me too. I feel I am stretched to the absolute limit at the moment and between younger and middle child i feel like I am failing as all i seem to do is stress out or shout at the moment. Nearly 7 year old brother is being very demanding also as he sees his brothers behaviour and despite his brother being repeatedly stopped from doing things- he thinks he can do them too.

Sorry this is an incredibly long post, and hasnt covered half of what I wanted to say but please, are there any tips on dealing with this? Is there anything I should be asking his paediatric specialist as to what we can do? Am i missing something? My home is a ruined tip, I'm a ruined tip and quite frankly the kids have gone ferral.

I'm probably stating the obvious, but you need to get help from your Local Authority. Are you in touch with Social Services already? You should be able to get emergency respite help, at least to cover the time while you have a DC with a broken leg on top of everything else.

In the short term, is there a place that you can go to contain your DS? E.g. is there a room in the house where he can destroy things withouth actually damaging anything important? Can you fill a room with large cardboard boxes, egg cartons etc? Anything that can be shredded without actual risk? Are there any local soft-play places you can go to that have SN sessions?

You are having an exceptionally hard time at the moment and there isn't a magic way for you to cope with all this on your own. Can family, partner, friends, anyone step in to help you today?

Thank you for replying, what an excellant idea! He loves destroying and scribbling on boxes- and yes- my empty dining room would be ideal as a safe desruction room! We will ask about support via ss when i see specialist next week, and partner is at work most of day but pitches in and does what he can when he can.
Thank you- no other family able to help nearby.

I grew up in a house with 3 of 4 siblings with ASD. We also had a manky old double mattress on the floor in our “play” room, so we could fight without maiming each other. And we were all quite destructive. And we survived, and as adults all have jobs and independent lives.

I can’t imagine how tough it was for my mum though.

Oh bless you- and your mum! Thank you for helping, that's very reassuring 😀

That sounds exceptionally hard, I would seek urgent support from social services. Have you spoken to the school - they should be able to support you in finding additional support. You may also find a referral to cyps might help.

cayp.2gether.nhs.uk/parents-and-carers

I find occupational therapists who specialise in sensory integration can also be very helpful. I also find that the work on ‘schemas’ is really useful. You look at the unwanted behaviour and see if you can replace it by something more acceptable.

Thank you, will have a look, is a referral something to ask about at appointment next week?

I am not sure but I would imagine the specialist could refer you. As a school we can refer children who we feel need that additional support.

You need to contact the Children's Team within Social Services and ask for an urgent care assessment under section 17 Children Act 1989. Emphasise that there is a safeguarding issue concerning your other children arising from this. There's no need to wait till you've seen the specialist.