Youngest child showing signs of autism

[hb1986]

I am feeling a bit saddened. My oldest child aged 11 got a dx of ASD when she started school. We didnt expect it, but I didnt feel saddened by it. I think because her intelligence was uneffected and she could speak etc. With a lot of input, she is now in mainstream school etc.

However, my youngest now aged almost 2 has no signs of speaking, he hates cuddles etc, gives zero eye contact, has no interest in people or facial expressions, flaps his hands etc. He has now been referred to a paediatrician, and the appointment is in October and they are looking at autism again. I worked with autistic people for a long time, so I know the chances are, they will diagnose him.

This time I am very much struggling with the concept. But then I feel shitty for feeling this way because I also know its not the end of the world either. My brother grew up with severe autism, and is 23 years old. He can do very little for himself and needs 24/7 care. I know my son is only 2, but he is already a very challenging toddler, who is very big and strong. We are actually very lucky with my oldest, who is able to speak and has very little in the way of behavioural difficulties.

But I honestly thought this time would be different and we would have a lovely bond, but he has no interest in me or his father and pushes us away etc. He just seems like a very unhappy little boy.

Sorry for the rambling, as I don't have anyone I can really talk to about it!

Life really can throw us curve balls can't it? I was fairly (very) naive entering into parenthood, and just never imagined the difficulties it can bring. I have zero answers I'm afraid, but wanted to say something. If only to say that I'm sure you'll always find a listening ear here. Although I think it's also important to try and find someone you can talk to if you can. My friend gave me some great simple advice recently and encouraged me to focus on the good times and not dwell in the difficulties, and there is a period of grieving that has to happen - allow yourself to grieve what you thought and hoped would be, only then can you start to see the next steps and learn about who your boy is. Try to enjoy him for who he is, I know that can be tough and it can be so frustrating but you will be okay. You will.

I can't begin to imagine how you feel. It must be awful to feel pushed away, I think all you can do in this situation I adjust your expectations. It's the easiest way to improve things for you all you cannot fundamentally change him but trying to change how you feel about it might just make life easier. My dd likes to be on her own a lot we live next to each other rather than with each other most of the time, eg we sit at the table togeather but she almost always wears her headphones. Once I let myself off the hook life got a lot brighter.