Child with ASD scared of being alone

[Nice2bnice]

I am looking for some tips on helping my 7 year old son become less anxious as it is getting worse not better. He has never been able to cope with being either upstairs or downstairs in his own but now he will not even be left in a room. If he goes to the toilet we either have to go with him or stand outside of the open door.

Can he verbalise what is scaring him? Is he the same in school?

I wonder if games like hide and seek would help? Hiding in the same room at first and then slightly out of the room?

He just claims he is scared but will cannot tell me what he is scared of. Whenever we have gone anywhere busy he gets anxious and wants to be picked up but he is getting too big for this now. It is worse since his last school locked him in the toilets and outside in the playground on his own. However that was months ago and his new school know how scared he gets and would never do this. Could definitely try hide and seek. Even in the same room would be a great start. Thank you.

his last school locked him in the toilets and outside in the playground on his own.

This is going to cause really long lasting anxiety on top of the 'normal' ASD anxieties so it's very understandable to have affected him.
I can think of a quick solution which might help in be alone in his bedroom or down stairs for a while, a baby monitor in the room.

That's a great idea to try. Thank you. We played hide and seek. I dressed him as Where's Wally. He found it really funny. He his in the room whilst I looked away. I asked him how he coped at school when he needed the toilet and he said he used the urinals and left the door open. However, he also said he tried to hold it all day. I am going to have to mention this! He has a bad dream last night and took hours to resettle him then the thunder started so today has been even worse than usual. He said thunder scared me as it is like 1000 cymbals crashing in my ears. :(

Good luck.
Does he have ear defenders?

Sadly, he will not wear ear defenders :(

How about Noise counseling headphones?

If he's scared of being alone, the isolating effect of ear defenders will make things worse...noise-cancelling headphones are also likely to make him feel less sure of who is around (and where). His anxiety seems to be sky high, any other sensitivities are going to be magnified by that.

OP, is there anything he finds particularly calming or soothing? Maybe if you can syphon off some of the peripheral stress for him, he'll be better able to process some of the rest (with help, I'm not in any way suggesting there's a quick fix).

If he's scared of being alone, the isolating effect of ear defenders will make things worse...noise-cancelling headphones are also likely to make him feel less sure of who is around (and where).
I would think the noise of the thunder would take priority over who is in the room. He can visual see who is with him, he can't resonably anticipate when thunder will happen.

This sounds like separation anxiety exacerbated by events that occurred at his previous school. Poor kid.

There is some info from NHS here which talks about treatment options.

This site here gives some good pointers on how to make a plan to help.

Thank you all. I left my career, home schooled for a month to settle him and found him another school. I was very open about what happened at his previous school with his new school and they have been fantastic. However, he was utterly broken. At one point he would not drink as he did not want to have to go to the toilet. We are checking the weather forecast before bed and this is helping a little. I will look at the websites. Thank you so much.

I would think the noise of the thunder would take priority over who is in the room. He can visual see who is with him, he can't resonably anticipate when thunder will happen.

I wish it were so easy. OP's ds clearly has anxiety issues, ear defenders and to a lower level noise cancelling headphones cause significant disorientation. Learning to manage that disorientation and the reduction in ambient feedback - especially if your hearing is very acute - isn't an easy or pleasant process. I found it very stressful and for a long time the anxiety spike when I had to use them was really hard to manage...and I don't have issues with anxiety or any co-morbids that would impact my base anxiety level. If OP's ds struggles/refuses these items at the best of times, the wrong time to try and get him to accept them is when his anxiety is already overflowing.

But the anxiety is added to by the noise, which can be reduced by the headphones.
BUT
We are going to be here going around in circles as we seem to both be basing this off our own experiences of being autistic.
Everyone is different after all and neither of us are the OPs child.

CaptainKirkssparetupee

You're right, we're going round in circles.

(I'm not autistic though, I have hyperacusis so my hearing is painfully acute - literally).

I wish I could convey tone in text, I hope you don't think I was getting at you with the not being autistic bit.

Not at all, It takes a lot to get to me, I understand the issue with tone though, it's very hard to get it right, I try to keep everything somewhat light hearted but it is very easy to misinterpret with only text.