11 year old ds may be autistic

[Kaylasmum49]

My 11 year old ds has been suffering from anxiety for the last 2/3 years, particularly concerning school. He wants to spend all his time with me and most school mornings are a struggle with him sometimes having a complete meltdown. I have spoken to the school and we are trying different ways to make school easier for him.

Yesterday he had an appointment with a specialist in autism. I spoke to her first and explained about his issues, she spoke to him after and she told me that there are a few signs of autism and it definitely warrants further looking into. She also said that the signs he is showing are more found in girls with autism and that he has a femininity about him. I've always known that he's more of a gentle boy, not loud and boisterous like some other boys but never thought of him as feminine in any way, he likes most boy things.

I'm a little upset by the outcome of the appointment.

Any thoughts or advice?

I have a DS who has just been diagnosed with ASD at 9. He also presents in a more typical “female” way, and his masking was good enough for him to not score above the diagnostic threshold in ADOS.

It sounds like your meeting could have been handled better, but now you can read up on how the typical female presentation of autism differs from the male. That might help you understand your DS better.

Thanks for your reply,

How did you decide to have your ds checked for autism? I was a bit taken aback when she mentioned that my ds had a femininity about him. I think its going to take a considerably long time to go through the process for him to be diagnosed. I've always just thought he was sensitive and a mummy's boy.

I think what she probably meant was that your DS's autism has gone under the radar for a while - which is often what happens to autistic girls. They tend to 'mask' and blend in more than autistic boys.
So I think that's probably what she meant, rather than your DS seeming feminine in any way - she just didn't explain it very well at all (pretty insensitive!)

Hi there everyone,

OP has asked for this to be moved to SN Children, so we'll be moving it there.

Marshmallow, she actually did say he had a femininity about him. At first she just said that the signs of autism that she picked up are more seen in girls, but I asked her what could that mean and then she said about the femininity. I was concerned about this because I have a 32 year-old son who is gay and while I have no issue with that whatsoever my son has struggled massively to accept his sexuality and his life has been extremely difficult because of this. Obviously if my 11 year old turns out to be gay he would have my full support but I don't want him to go through the turmoil his brother has endured.

I agree with Marshmallow09er , I think because your son isn't boisterous like you mentioned, some indicators of being on the autistic spectrum may have gone unnoticed. However, it's good that you can now move forward and help get some extra support for your son :) and I hope everything goes well!