Is repetitive behaviour/obsessions always ASD?

[TwirlywoosWereRobbed]

My DS is 3.4 and he has some repetitive behaviour. He flaps his hands when he's really excited and recently have been noticing him sort of pincering his fore and middle finger and thumb together, usually when he's describing something.

He also has repetitive behaviour with doors- though this has settled down a lot. When he was younger, when we took him places he would just shut and open doors and run through them, now he only opens and closes doors if he's feeling a bit anxious. He was also obsessed with 2 particular colours and numbers - this has also settled down but he still favours them. Again if he's feeling a bit anxious he tends to go for these things.

He's generally quite a busy child, always on the go. He can concentrate fine on most things, books etc. There were some concerns from our HV on his social development but he has come on quite well with this lately. There is lots of eye contact, joint attention, sharing experiences, imaginative play, no speech delay or any other delays. He's fully potty trained etc and sleeps well.

He's going to preschool in September so the picture will become clearer there. However, I know this behaviour is a major red flag. Could it be toddler obsessions or is it always autism? TIA.

Sorry, to add that he doesn't seem to have many sensory difficulties either but he doesn't like loud noises (motorbikes etc) but is fine with things like hoovers. He doesn't have meltdowns - just good old fashioned I want that ice cream tantrums.

zzzzz, he'd be the same person but not have the same life. Every single person I know with an autistic child has had to fight for absolutely everything to help them.

Also remember there is huge variety within autism. Autistic people are at least as different to each other as NT people are to each other. Your DS sounds a bit like my DD. She doesn't have many sensory sensitivities though she doesn't like motorbikes or those "airblade" hand dryers. She is also a bit behind socially but most people would probabbly just think she was "shy". Her stim is tensing her muscles when she's excited so it's also not very "in your face". No speech delay, lots of eye contact (with us - though I'm told it's "unusual" with assessors), lots of imagination (though again, this didn't come through so strongly in assessment: I think she needs to feel really comfortable to express herself). I also thought she didn't have meltdowns (not even a lot of ice-cream tantrums) but she just had her first one recently, after a school fire alarm.

I think literally all her behaviours could also just be "normal 3/4 year old stuff" - it's the combination/frequency/intensity that told experts that she was on the spectrum. I'm glad we know because it helps us parent her better, and helps her school understand her and teach her better.

I initially felt terrified and horrified about the possibility of her being autistic but do you know what? It's fine. She's just her lovely self. She may have some challenges (I think mainly due to the social stuff probably) but she also has a lot of gifts and I think if we help her to use her gifts and manage her challenges she is going to be OK. I now see a lot of autistic traits in myself and I was also just fine - though a bit of earlier self-knowledge and some help with social skills would definitely have helped me if somebody had spotted my traits.

Thanks LightTripper. The HV did raise it but we she doesn't think there is enough at the moment for a referral and that it would be rejected anyway- when we went through the form together too he wasn't really ticking enough boxes. Her advice was to see how he gets on at preschool for a month or two and then come back if needed and make a referral.

My gut does tell me he is autistic. Funny you should mention it but I have also been thinking I have a lot of autistic traits too! I am the one with sensory issues in our family, I've listened to the same audiobook every night to sleep for 4 years, and had a lot of social problems.

And it does terrify me, I know it's silly but it does. I cried my eyes out when the health visitor mentioned it. I felt completely stunned and horrified.

The health visitor says at the moment it is highly likely a referral for assessment would be turned down. She said although there are some red flags, they aren't really getting in the way of his life (they aren't) and that there are some other red flags which aren't there (at the moment). He hasn't been in nursery or anything before so our picture of his social communication etc has been at parks and playgrounds. He is completely fine with us and other adults, and largely fine with other kids. He was pushing kids for a while which is why we called her in the first place for help, she suggested some tactics, and they worked.

She thinks preschool will make the picture clearer and suggested giving it a month there before coming back.

He does have a lot of gifts too. He is so kind! Such a kind little fella. He's incredibly funny and sweet, so encouraging and helpful. He's always the one clapping people coming down the slide or trying to help someone out. He makes up cute little songs (including one about loving mummy, my current favourite!), he's clever and silly and wonderful.

Well zzzzz I did get it wrong but in the other direction, I was convinced she was NT but she's not! I suspect that does happen too - but probably less common that people worry about something that isn't there.

I would second zzzzz's recommendation to ask for a referral now. It can be a long process and the earlier you are in the earlier you will know. If once he's at school you all feel there is really no issue you can always cancel the appointment when it does come up - but it would be a shame to hit a point where he's having problems and then potentially have to wait a year or more.

My DD still isn't really having many problems due to her autism, but as I mentioned above she recently had a proper meltdown after a fire alarm. I feel so grateful we (and school) know she is autistic so she didn't have to deal with people telling her to "pull herself together" or "not be silly" or similar on top of the stress of the meltdown. It also means we can all minimise stress on her in other ways (e.g. not having the hand-dryers on at school, giving her lots of notice about changes, talking through emotions to help her understand what she's feeling, etc.) meaning we hopefully hit a lot fewer problems than we would have done if we'd all been in the dark.

Obviously there's a lot you can do without a dx, but I do think having one is helpful to focus minds and perhaps at some point get some additional help/resources if he needs it.

It was actually OK. I learned a lot more about ASC in the intervening period, so by the time we knew for sure I was much less scared by it and it felt much more familiar (both in that we knew DD better as she got older and could see her strengths and challenges more clearly, and that we saw traits in both our families and ourselves so it stopped feeling like this "alien" condition).

Information from people like you on this board helped a lot in the year between being told they thought she probably was autistic and confirming that she was! Plus twitter and YouTube are invaluable from learning from autistic adults and parents of autistic children who've "been there done that".

Autism had never occurred to me until the HV mentioned it. I have nothing to compare him too as he's an only child. My DH disagrees with me and thinks I'm now fixating on things due to what the HV said and because of my anxiety. He is the SAHD so he would be the one to bring him to the GP.

The biggest driver of development (IMO) is happiness.

Yes, I so agree with this! If your child can feel comfortable, confident and successful then they will want to do more of that thing to get more of that good feeling: and the easiest way to feel that will be to focus on things they are good at or passionate about! DD is at the science museum today with her Dad as she loves anything to do with space, and they are having a high old time.

And actually we do push DD to do things a bit outside her comfort zone (e.g. to have a try at riding a bike, or offering some crisps to other kids at the picnic, or whatever). But we're very focused on pushing her to do things we are very confident she can do - so even if she has a wobble on the way there we know that 95% of the time she is going to get some positive validation at the end of it that she could really do that thing and it was worth having a go. Our nanny is brilliant at this, resulting in DD being able to climb the slide, zoom about on her scooter, ride a bike, bounce on the bouncy castle - all things she was very scared/worried about to begin with (I think her proprioception, like mine, is pretty rubbish).

Confidence is half the battle (in SN as in life...)

I agree and hope we're helping him be confident! He is quite a confident fella. He's very happy.

I tried talking to my DH about this tonight and he was pretty annoyed, saying i was acting like he was ill and want to label him. I didn't react well when the HV said it was a possibility - I wish I had held it together but I was shocked.

Maybe your DH just needs a bit of time to adjust? If you watch/read more about autism you might feel more positive about it, and then when he's ready you'll be there to help bring him along into that more positive mindset?

If you feel you may be autistic too it's possible that your DH may not see it partly because he sees the similarities between you and DS? I think my OH has found the idea that I might be autistic too quite comforting, because he knows I am a nice person who has had a mainly very happy life so he sees that possibility for DD too.

Sounds like you have a window over the summer to read and listen and get yourself more comfortable with the idea, and read about ASC parenting strategies etc. - and then talk to pre-school in the autumn just to ask them to keep an eye out, and if they agree there may be something different after a month or two, or if your DS has problems, you could broach it with your DH again at that point?

I also worried a lot about "labelling" DD early on. Now it just doesn't seem like a bad "label" and I worry about that a lot less (still a bit, because I worry others will judge her, but less, because I realise we all get judged for our differences all the time, with or without a label).

I meant to come back to this, sorry Light Tripper. And thank you for not hectoring me. Yes, I think that is what i will do. His dad needs to be on board, and his preschool are already aware and we also gave them the HV number to discuss with too.

Just revisiting this thread. He's in preschool now, getting on really well and loving it. They haven't mentioned anything to us that they've had concerns on but first parents' evening is next week so we'll know more then I guess.

My own feelings haven't changed, especially when I read about "active but odd" type of autism. He has lots of social gifts but I do notice he is quite intrusive; he will sometimes walk up to someone and stick his teddy in their face as a way of getting them to play! He also mimics a lot. But he doesn't always do these things and often just seems very NT, saying hello, starting a conversation etc. But I notice other kids reactions to him are a bit taken aback.

There are things he does which I hadn't twigged as being repetitive behaviour but maybe are? For example, at the moment, he wants to learn how to spell everything (bloody Alphablocks). So in nearly all our conversations he's asking us how to spell relevant words. Eg we are out walking in the park, "Mummy, can you spell tree"? etc. He does this a LOT.

The hand movement thing has stopped and I also realised he was actually being that wee telescope thing from Teletubbies when he was doing it

My DH still doesn't think he has ASD at all and now thinks I want him to have ASD (tbh, if he does, I do want him to be diagnosed asap!) So it makes it very difficult to make an appointment without some other person saying they have concerns, as he thinks I am being anxious and paranoid.

I also did the MChat and he scored 1.

Sounds a tough situation. You may find that learning about parenting skills for autistic kids may be helpful anyway, and then just see how he gets on? E.g. we have done lots of talking about emotions (using things like the Molly Potter books), and we keep a diary on and off so DD can reflect on things that happened and different ways to handle them (we talk about one good thing and one bad thing from the day).

Is he having any problems other than social - e.g. getting upset about anything?

I know we were recommending earlier to get on waiting lists etc. but it's hard if your DH doesn't see it and pre-school don't have concerns.

He may also have autistic traits but not enough for a diagnosis. A lot of autistic traits (e.g. special interests, single-mindedness) can actually be very useful (e.g. in learning to read and write!) so I think it's as much about learning about autism so you can support your son in the best way as necessarily getting him a diagnosis if he doesn't need one, IYSWIM.

We've been talking about emotions quite a lot and he is getting better at recognising them and also verbalising them himself. He likes to tell us about his day too and for us to talk about ours; it's a little thing we do at bedtime. (However I don't think his teacher has been driving him on a bus to the farm quite as much as he says...)

We (well I) also did some social stories with him so we hear him pottering around the house sometimes introducing himself! It's very sweet. He can be quite intrusive mostly when he's excited. He adores his cousins and plays very well with them - he is mindful of them being younger so is more gentle with them.

Preschool haven't said anything yet but will know of their thoughts next week.

He doesn't seem upset about anything and isn't currently having problems. His behaviour has HUGELY improved in the past few months (responding to some firmer boundaries), it's been quite transformative. We hated taking him anywhere as he would be pushing kids, bolting, but he has settled down enormously. Everyone has commented on it. His eating is getting a bit better - I think preschool is helping with that. He has quite a restricted diet but hard to know how much of that is usually child fussiness - he does try new things which is good. Doesn't like "mooshy" food.

He does still react to sounds - putting his hands over his ears. I noticed yesterday he and I both share a similar annoyance - two lots of sound going on at the same time. He was watching CBeebies and a toy went off, he got very annoyed and put his hands over his ears and told me to switch the toy off. Similarly, I have to have the door shut between our sitting room and study because I cannot bear hearing my husband tap on the computer or listen to music when we have the TV on, I get quite annoyed and upset by it Same as you really, beginning to think I have autistic traits or am autistic too! Would certainly make a lot of my life make sense.

Yes, his singlemindedness has been very useful in lots of ways - he is miles ahead of many of his peers for reading and numbers.

I guess it's wait and see which I didn't really want for him, but at the moment there is nothing I can do unless my DH will agree to it and more concerns have been raised. It's just I worry about missing a trick and him getting older and really struggling, and it taking ages to get any support for him. Generally he's doing very well and really surprised us by how well he's coped with preschool. He absolutely loves it and is happy to go every day - he enjoys the routine of it every day I think. I can see why my DH has the attitude he does - he's doing so well so why am I looking for problems? whereas my perception is I'm not, I just want to make sure if he does need support he gets it.

Also, is it likely the preschool will say something next week? Does this often get sprung on you at a parents evening with no preamble?