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I think i have been in De-Nile about my ds (LONG)

11 replies

Jennylee · 27/05/2007 20:06

Last year we moved schools had horrible prolbems there with the school and ds and i home ed him now, taught him to read and write, we are getting his glue ear sorted. now he is 8 and jsut about my height. Now the problem is I was thinking of going back to uni in september so was going to try ds back to school and have an appointment with new school now we are settled for tomorrow - just to talk.
Well we have thought these were isolated incidents but now we realise he has always done this but was small so it did not ring any alarm bells, and he did this at the school in front of old head teacher and kids - He goes absoultely mad, loses his temper and hits out at me or his Dad if we are nearby, or if he feel threatened or bullied ,even over samll slights sometimes at other kids we put it down to being bullied but he is not bullied here. so picture this- a woman of just under 5 foot struggling with a boy of arond the same hieght who is trying to kick adn pucnh her and does manage too. it happened again, just ten mins at the park and a 12 yr old kid stamped on the ground above his head when he was lying on the woodchips, then ds tries t chase him, despite me saying to come home several times adn I try to take him home and get punched and kicked by ds, had to text dh to come and hlep, with a man watching the whole thing the local watching adn the kids chanting retard at ds and kiddie battererr at me. So the whole point of it is , how the hell does a kids like this go back to school ? comes after last week when he was fighting with other kids adn an adult intervened adn came to tell us he kicked adn punched her. this was the first day he was allowed out from being grounded. looks like I was wrong about not thinking he needs help. Cant be bothered changing my name either

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Jennylee · 27/05/2007 20:12

at all other times he is lovely and affectionate, sweet and friendly, and we don't hit him ourselves we are not a couple who hit, and are in fact non confrontational people, what can I say to the head, he is lovely but is violent if anyone slights him adn goes in to uncontrollable rages ever so often, can write if I am there directing him, but needs help with everything but reading, is easily distractabel but someties can't hear very well. am thinkin gof cancelling the appointment as some of the kids at the aprk would be in class adn can now see what fun they can have winding him up. there was never any diagnosis adn was fine adn 'normal' in P1 and P2 untill we moved house apart from needed help as writing was and still is very hard and with the glue ear stuff. Feel like I am destined to be locked up with him at home for the rest of my life, with small beating from him every so often.

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Jennylee · 27/05/2007 20:14

home edders anyone think of how to get help for his anger without the state coming into our lives or is that inevitable, would sending him to school be cop out for us or be the way to get him help, we though homed edding would remove this problem but it hasn't

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RoseQuartz · 27/05/2007 20:25

Hi, I'm sorry you are gong through such a hard time with your ds at the moment. It must be so awful for you.
Though not quite to the extreme you seem to have to endure in your daily life, we have eperience of and also know others in a simmilar situation.
Please don't be offended by this, I'm only trying to help, but us, Mothers tend to take offence when it comes to our little uns! I do anyway!!
I would definitely get him back into school immediately, and explain to his teacher/headteacher, tell them everything, and you will feel so much better just for getting it off your chest.
Also, they will know exactly what sort of help to provide your ds, and one way or another this will have to be sorted out, so the sooner the better for all your sakes.
Maybe you'd prefer to phone your local education department to see what they have to say, and ask what help they have available as there must be lots of parents with lots of kids in the same situation as yourselves.
Also Barnados run groups in various areas, they are called something like 'sure start' ? aimed at kids aged around 9/10 or so, as far as I know.
Maybe you can find information on their website, or maybe your family doctor could help you with this.
Good luck whatever you decide to do, hope it goes well for you, and before long you will look back at this as just a vague memory. Take care.

Jennylee · 27/05/2007 20:28

thank you rose quartz, I need to post as of course home edders always advise against school, but he used to be okay at school in P1 and P2 so I am not against schools, I really need to go back to uni or work eventually, I never thought of this a sbeing forever and it has got the the stage where even a supervised trip to the park ended in horror. thanks for psoting jsut one reply makes me feel better

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RoseQuartz · 27/05/2007 20:47

Hi Jenny,
How many children do you have, is it just ds, or does he have siblings?
The reason I'm asking is because I've just had a look in 'supernanny' book by Jo Frost, and there's a link on her website that you can appear on her show if you have 2 or more kids.
www.b4ugo-ga-ga.co.uk
www.e-parents.org
www.familiesonline.co.uk
www.fnn.org.uk (group programmes for families with kids aged 2-12 yrs. TEL: 01865791711
www.parentlineplus.org.uk TEL: 08088002222

These are the websites I've found at the back of Jo Frost's Supernanny Book, the b4u go-go one is her site, maybe you can find what you need there, or you can try one of the others.
Hope you don't think I'm interfering too much, good luck, take care, hope it soon works itself out. xx

Jennylee · 27/05/2007 21:03

thanks rose quartz I only have one lol , but i will check out these websites you have posted , thanks very much

Also we will talk to the school tomorrow and see what they say

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RoseQuartz · 27/05/2007 21:21

Hi there,
I was just wondering how you go about home-educating your son? Do you have lesson plans etc. from the LEA or whoever else is involved in his education at home?
I was just wondering as it may soon be the same situation here too, as school is almost certain to close due to falling pupil numbers and there are no other decent schools nearby.Also, how difficult is it to get them to learn, my eldest ds & dd have special needs,or so we've been told, to be honest I don't know whether its the kids or the school that has 'special needs' problem as the majority of the kids there have been referred for this reason for help!
Must admit, their reading etc. is totally hopeless, do you know how to solve their reading dilemma and get themm to read properly, don't know whats the matter as both dh and I read all the time in front of them, so it's not like they have never seen a book, newspaper or other things with words on, oddly enough they can spot the big yellow M for Mcdonalds a mile off!!
Anyway, most importantly, good luck with contacting the school tomorrow, hey, isn't it closed tomorrow for half term? schools around here are? They are closed for the week! Maybe different areas have different weeks off for half term?
All the best x

Jennylee · 28/05/2007 13:33

Rose quartz the school meeting went really well, the head teacher seems nice adn really listened to me about his needs and hs writing problems and things and he is going to have a few one and a half hours and see how he goes. (home edders don't hate me, I am just trying to see what works for my ds)

With the reading I started out at basic books and had to undo a lot of damage from being pressured at his old school, so really it was just making it seem unpressured and at frist letting him read the 3 letter and easy words as I read to him and then letting him read a bit more adn more, this was nto easy he hated having to spell out words phonetically to get them and thought that emant he was stupid and when he got tired of it I would stop, there was no secret to it it is jsut being patient and I kept saying we have no pressure it is jsut you and me so any mistakes are okay and help you learn. I know waht you mean about the speacial need thing as sometimes it just means that all children are diffrent and the ones who do not behave as the average and keep up are classed as special needs nowadays, but then sometimes it is needed and not enough help is forthcoming. i think home edding really helped give my ds the space to learn at his own pace without a class full of others to compare himself negatively to adn no punishments for finding things hard, if the enws school can help him progress, that is good and he willl go. but the other school stopped all progress in its tracks and we are still catcing up, so it is a difficult one.

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Jennylee · 28/05/2007 13:36

there are no lesson plans unless I make them you can teach them what you want and do not have to follow any curriculum, although I did get workbooks from age 3-4 and we are now on 5-6 just to help me organise my helping him and because we knew he would go back to school one day(hopefully if it works out) I think the English organisation is called Education Otherwise and they are online and the Scottish one is Schoolhouse and they are online as the law varies slightly for each country

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Julienoshoes · 29/05/2007 21:45

For up to date information about home education in the UK have a look at;

www.education-otherwise.org/ The website of the largest HE organisation.

www.schoolhouse.org.uk/ is a brilliant website for families who home educate in Scotland, as the law is slighlty different.

home-education.org.uk/ -Brilliant (imho) independent website.

www.he-special.org.uk/index.php For families who home educate children with special educational needs.

Jennylee have you tried asking advise on the support list there?

www.muddlepuddle.co.uk/ A website especially for parents who home educate children young children.

The above websites all have links to relevant home education internet support groups, where you can get valuable support and information about home education in the UK from the real experts, the people who do it, home educators themselves.

home-ed.info/ is the other independent website that I would recommend.

Together all of these websites will lead you to everything you need to know about home education in the UK. All sorts of resources and information can be obtained for little cost from the internet.

Then there is
www.infed.org/biblio/home-education.htm -an article that compares ?formal? and ?informal? home education styles written by a Dr Alan Thomas.

Jennylee · 29/05/2007 23:16

thanks julienshoes, you are the link master!

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