I really need some help

[octavia]

my ds is 7 and has Hfa.His father & my sil have told him (7weeks ago) that he has it and initially he was fine about it,but the over the last few weeks my poor little boy has been in bits about it.He says he hates his life, its ruined he hates being different.He's been having problems at school again, apparently making loud noises then dening he's done anything and many other things .His teacher is only supportive when all is going well. Ds wants to be retested as he says he was a different person when he was 5 ( when he was diagnoised) He's really upset, what ever I say or do ,it isn't what he wants to hear. I've got no one to turn to on this, the physcologist who used to help us can't help us anymore as Ds has been taken off their list due to a different health authority, the social services have said we dont need their services as Ds isn't in need of their help.He's unable to hit a ball with a racquet or bat and refuses to practice despite complaining he is bored during p.e at school, he wont do anything that requires a bit of effort actually which I assume is a confidence thing.He's due to move school this september its going to be a nightmare.

Oh octavia. How utterly heart breaking for you and your little boy.

I think all you can do is love him and talk to him lots about it and answer his questions. Tell him he is a little boy like any other little boy that everyone has things they are really good at and things they need more help with- maybe he will need some help with sports and learning to keep funny noises inside his head when it's quiet time. Explain what a spectrum is and say that everyone is on it somewhere and they move along it at different times of their life. Tell him that we all grow and develop skills at different rates and there are lots and lots of people who have a diagnosis of HFA and they are happy and lovely and clever and charming and handsome just like him. Would meeting some other kids with AS or HFA help do you think?

Would the NAS have any advice I wonder? Or could you phone your old psychologist for advice?

why did your father adn sil tell him of his condition? is it someting you had discussed previously or have they just blurted it out?

if the latter i wuld be very angry with them. autism is very difficult and things like this must be dealth with delicatly.

the NAS has a lot of social stories and books that help explain Asd to children.
one of my faves is "there's a boy like me"

Thank you so much for replying, it was a bit of a babble, my fingers wouldn't stop typing!
Dh and sil are quite controling and decided it was time he knew.Typically, thinking of themselves rather than my little boy's feelings or mine for that matter.
He was such a happy little thing before this happened, I will certainly buy the book, he loves reading and Its something we enjoy together.Good idea about the phychologist, I did think that they wouldn't bother with us tbh, but at least I can try.I'm not sure about meeting other children with HFA,I will ask, although the answer will probably be "no" he's not very sociable at the best of times but we can work on that!He's very much loved and I hate to see him hurting like this. Is dyspraxia a form of autisim?

Hi Octavia

First of all you must accept that he knows now and there's no going back on that, regardless of how you feel about the way he found out. TBH I felt it was the best thing to tell my son about his dx (also 7 at the time) because that meant he'd grow up knowing why he was different instead of struggling with it. Have you read Martian In The Playground? That clinched it for me, as so many adults with AS felt in retrospect that they'd much rather have known than not, that it would have saved a lot of uncertainty and heartache during the time that they didn't know what was wrong with them.

Your son is going through a difficult stage of coming to terms with who he is, which might take years. Make him aware that he can talk to you at any time and ask questions. Explain that half the battle to managing his difficulties is knowing what they are and why they are there, and that there are ways of making things better.

As Mamazon says there are some great books out there to help children understand their dx. You might want to check out (if you haven't already) Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome, which has been very useful for us. You said that your son is dx with HFA so it would depend on how much he resembles AS - some are very similar but not all. Check out too the AS novels by Kathy Hoopman, in which the heroes always have AS and there's lots of reference to social stories, checklists etc. Really useful!

Give him a big hug and look after yourself.

Hi Octavia. Wow, can't believe your father and sil took it upon themselves to tell him like that. I'm totally stunned at their level of interference. You must be fuming with them.

All I can suggest, and it's not much is to work through this with him slowly. Show him that everyone is diffrent. Point out his strengths, build up his confidence, things like thta. Introduce him, through books or something, about other children, some worse off than him and show him how they cope. Join a support group, see if you can find other parents whose children have hfa, maybe a HV can help, or your GP, with this?