What do you do when your child has a violent meltdown?

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DS is 9. Currently waiting decision on whether he will be assessed for ASD. (Second time I’ve asked for it as they said no first time) He had previously been ruled inconclusive for ADHD but the consultant has since contacted me and said having read his notes she wants to assess him again.

DS has emotional and behavioural issues since what feels like forever. Violent meltdowns were a daily occurrence. He has been in play therapy for a year which has just ended and has been doing really well. I’ve been working with him at home and the meltdowns were gone. He hasn’t had one for a long time. Months. Definitely before Xmas. Then last week he had an accidental meeting with his dad who he hasn’t seen for a year. He was very happy to see dad but this has brought up a shitload of old feelings and he is now a big ball of anger. He had a mini meltdown last weekend and then this afternoon he went crazy. Swearing at me, name calling, throwing things at me, (mugs, shoes) punching the tv, kicking kitchen cupboards, throwing chairs on the floor, trying to lift the kitchen table. He has a history of bolting so I managed to get the door locked and keys out of it when I realised he was kicking off. When I tried to stop him throwing things he would run around the table and throw the chairs down as he went. When he threw the mug I got close enough to grab him and I just held on to his wrists. He fought and kicked, bit, headbutted, scratched and spat. This went on for about 45 minutes. I just kept saying when he is calm I will let go. Eventually he calmed down and as soon as I let go he started throwing things again. I couldn’t get hold of him again this time so I just ducked and avoided the shoes and gave him no reaction. Eventually he got bored and tidied up everything and apologised.

He has a social worker who is coming out on Monday. Supposedly to close our file but I dont think that will be happening now. I think he needs to have more play therapy at least. Will obviously be telling the SW all of this and hopefully getting some support.

But what do I do about the meltdowns? It looks like they’re back, he’s now bigger and stronger than he used to be. Do I try and stop him? Ignore him and just try and dodge the missiles? Leave the room so he has no target and hope the damage done is minimal?

Thank you waiting. Yes I think I made it worse by holding him. It made him angrier.

I make sure where he is is as safe as it can be and leave him to it. If I stay in the room I am the target and he is now the same size as me and I couldn't physically hold him or hold him off me for long.
I have also found that he is more wound up if I stay than if I leave. I know that his school occasionally put him in a hold if it is very severe because of the danger to staff and other pupils but I can easily leave him alone at home and also I don't have training in holding him.
I worry about a blow up when he is out of the house and avoid anywhere busy when I am on my own with him.

Safety first I agree. Yours and his and anyone else’s.

You’ve done so well with play therapist if the meltdowns are gone mostly, apart from recently.

I think there is some links to physical safety on the internet somewhere, worth reading.

I would not try and talk him down, I’d say I will talk to you when you are calm, then I would leave the room for my own safety. If they were not throwing stuff I might chuck a few cushions near and go to the other side of the room to wait. Being non confrontational. Let him gradually wind down as it’s uncontrollable for him mid flight and he will not be able to reason.

If I thought they were harming themselves or me and I could not stop them I’d call the police but obviously last resort.