Autistic toddler behaviour

[Hereshopingforimprovement]

My son is almost 3 and having huge behavioural issues at the moment. He is defiant and violent when he doesn't get his own way, as well as having huge tantrums which often become meltdowns. My partner is really struggling with his behaviour. He gets annoyed and raises his voice which just makes the whole situation worse. I have tried everything to improve my sons behaviour but I'm at a loss. His understanding and communication is very poor which makes it really difficult. Does anyone have any advice?

Hopeful bump as really struggling.

* H*is understanding and communication is very poor which makes it really difficult.
^^ this.
Behaviour is communication.

Communication/understanding difficulties can and do impact on behaviour.

You need to look at working on improving lines of communication between you to aid the improvement in behaviour.

Don't try and tackle everything at once.
I'd start by looking at a couple of behaviours at a time, and thinking about what could be causing/triggering them, and either remove or reduce the trigger.

I'd also focus on communication, are PECs or a visual schedule something that you've looked at?
Also pre-warning of changes. (Count down to the change, eg In 30mins we will be packing away, in 15mins.. 10.. 5..2..),

Maybe also look at controlled choices. (If understanding of speech isn't there you can always use pictures to choose between 2 things)

These can help dc to feel in control (even if they're actually not.)
For us choices are one of three things; negotiable, flexible nonnegotiable or nonnegotiable.

Eg,
tea is negotiable, at controlled choice of 2 things is given, chicken nuggets or fishfingers, peas or beans.

Nonnegotiable is what needs to happen now. No choice. I don't have many in this category, School, and holding a hand to cross the road.

Flexible nonnegotiable is something that needs to happen, but a choice over when/how is given. Which are you going to do 1st wash your face or brush your teeth. (Either way they still need to be done, but an element of choice is given).

Hi Hereshoping. I feel for you, 3 was Avery difficult stage for us. My DH struggled a lot in this period as we found it very difficult to work out what was ds being naughty and what was sensory/ASD related.

Do you use visuals? Images can often be more effective than words, my ds responded particularly well to colours (stop (red)/start (green)) and photos. Starting very simply with now/next cards can help reduce anxiety.

Have you looked into sensory issues? The out of sync child is a good place to start. At 3 I would say most of my ds's problems were caused by sensory issues. Try and get your DH to read up on it too and it might help him to understand why your ds is getting so frustrated and angry.

We also use Makaton with our ds and I can't recommend it enough. It helps to slow down your thinking and speech and gives your child something visual to focus on as well.

When you are talking to your ds try and use simple 1-2 word sentences. Give him time to process the information and repeat using the same instructions if necessary.

I would use ABC charts to work out what is triggering the behaviours and give you some insight into what is upsetting your ds.

A lot of these things, with hindsight, I wish I had started earlier!

We are doing speech and language therapy and the Hanen course. He isn't great with choice as he doesn't really understand it yet bit he has started picking nursery videos on the iPad in the last week so I am hoping this will actually help as he obviously points and presses to choose, he has never pointed before. We have visuals but he hasn't really taken to them. I am thinking i will make up some choice cards with actual photos of things and see if I can get him to choose from there.

Best thing you can do is enable him to communicate non verbally to ease frustration. Have you looked at pecs?

We have pecs but he doesn't have the understanding to use them yet.

Ah. That's a pain. Trying to remember back, I'm autistic myself and so are my kids. They're now 14, 13 and 10 and I'm racking my brains as to how we did it but the key to improving behaviour is to find ways to enable him to communicate when he can't. Will come back to this when I remember something.