Struggling with child development centre and preschool

[Lorelaismum]

Hi everyone I’m new here so I just hope this is in the right place. Yesterday my daughter had her assessment of the child development centre. They basically told me that there was something there but I can’t be sure until she’s around three at the moment she is 2 1/2. Her preschool don’t believe there’s anything wrong, But she is displaying all the signs of aspergers in a young girl, my husband has diagnosed Asperger’s and so does my little brother, so I think the likelihood of her having it as well is pretty high. A member of staff from Pre School was at the meeting yesterday and when I spoke to them today they said they still don’t have any concerns as she watches all the children play, which is they say is completely normal for a child of her age. She hasn’t been going to Pre School for that long and several times they’ve called me in early to pick her up because they cannot handle her meltdowns yet they still refuse to believe there’s anything wrong. As we were not given a diagnosis yesterday they seem to take it as nothing is wrong and it’s all in my head. So now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I do want to take her out of Pre school, I don’t get funding abd we struggle with money, as I’m my husbands carer.
A woman from the NAS suggested that I claim DLA as my daughter meets the criteria, but then my heart sank when I saw that they contact the school, surely the Pre school will be there normal selves and nit agree that she needs the extra help, but if We get DLA she could go to Pre school more and it may benefit her.
People are making me think I’m going mad, and imagining it all for some reason, but family members agreed with me that they see the signs as well, so that at least is reassuring.
What can I do???

I would arrange a meeting with the SENCo and Key worker, and ask if their Area SENCo / Inclusion Officer (whatever they are called in your LA) can attend too. You might have to arrange this some time in advance as Area SENCos / Inclusion Officers are in short supply so have full diaries.
Ask them - formally, at this meeting - why you are being asked to collect her early if there are no issues. Ask them if they have done any ABCs, to find out if there is any pattern to her getting so upset they can't manage her. Talk to them about the particular behaviours she displays, or doesn't display, that are giving you concerns.
If she has sensory issues, ask them to complete a sensory checklist, whilst you are at the meeting. If she has language issues, take in a copy of any assessment (for example Talkingpoint have a great poster, showing what children are expected to be able to do within age bands), and ask them to look through it and see what she is doing, compared with expectations. Or give examples of social situation you know she struggles with etc.