PDA

[owlalwaysloveyou]

Hi I'm hoping someone with experience of pathological demand avoidance could give me some ideas on good books for a young boy struggling with the anxiety and anger which comes with pda? He is my friends son and they are having such an awful time of it just now i hoped I could find a well recommended book and perhaps other practical tips on how to support them through the diagnosis and beyond? TIA

Im in no way trying to interfere. She is really struggling and is asking for help from professionals but getting nowhere. She doesn't have much in the way of family for support and with it being a less common diagnosis there isn't a great deal of practical info online compared to others. She's overwhelmed and I'm really concerned for them.

Ross Greene's 'The Explosive Child'
and
Dawn Huebner's 'What to do when your temper flares'
would be a good place to start.

Neither are diagnosis specific but both were very helpful for me and my son.

Another vote for Explosive Child here. Helped us too.

Explosive child good but first half for me, the rest is about negotiating and more suitable for children with good language.

PDA website has a couple of leaflets. It really does pay off massively to reduce the amount of demands the child has - and to be very indirect. It is not the way instinctively to help a child...
E.g. child is asked to put on his shoes.
A) ‘Please put on your shoes’ child refuses. Parent ‘come on, we are going out, we need to hurry’ child still refuses...
This way is too direct, is cajoling, and puts on more pressure.
B) Bring in two pairs of shoes. Ask which colour.
C) Try to put the shoes on yourself. They don’t fit! Silly Dad / Mum. Try to put them on child the wrong way. Silly Dad!
D) Don’t speak or ask at all. Bring shoes to child’s seat and leave them there. Open the door to go out. Child notices they don’t have shoes. Oh no! Ask the child what have I forgotten?!
All above work! Because they are not demands...

PDA is the extent to which you have to do this. Which might be a lot. Your friends are having a hard time because it is really tough. And because it requires a patient parenting that is also inventive and indirect, which is way, way different to normal parenting! They will see what works with other kids, and wonder why it doesn’t with theirs. Throw out the rule book, they need to respond very carefully with their child.