Ds ASD socialisation and friendships

[Chasingmytail17]

My DS is 4.5yr and has ASD. He is coming along so well with his speech though is still obviously delayed. He enjoys company and loves being with adults he knows, however he shows no real interest in children. It's not just initiating play/conversation either, even when his cousins for example, speak directly to him he will just ignore them. It's not that he doesn't understand) though sometimes this may be the case) , it's more that he chooses not to pay attention. He is not motivated by them at all. We are running an ABA programme which has helped in so many other areas but we are really struggling to make gains in social interaction with other children. He starts school in Sept. Just wondering if anyone with older kids has any hopeful words about their children developing these skills or at least the motivation to be with other children later on...

Sounds very similar to DS a few years ago, now 7 - we had also had big leaps with ABA in other areas, but very little/zero motivation social wise.

This changed a lot between 5 - 6 yrs. He became a lot more socially motivated. I still get teary when I watch a video I took of the first time he took an interest in his little sister - the two of them were running around Next holding hands and squealing with giggles.

He is still less socially motivated than peers, but will talk to them and play some games. I wish we had had an ABA shadow at school when he started to become interested because I think lots of opportunities were missed because he didn't have the right help to succeed.

Thank you for this positive post amunt I have another Ds who is just 2 and adores his big brother and I can understand your tears as I long for DS1 to respond to and play with him. Your post gives me hope. Sadly DS ABA shadow is not going into school however he will have 1.1 and the Senco has ABA experience so I'm hoping this might help. We will continue with his ABA at home for a while but it is just so frustrating we aren't making the gains in this area atm. Maybe we do just need to hang on for another developmental surge.

Thank you zzzzz it's hard sometimes to believe it will ever come as it just seems so hard for him and to take so long. How old is your DC now?

My DD was completely disinterested in her peers at nursery and actually quite avoidant of them. She’s made incredible progress with this over the past couple of years, I can hardly believe it sometimes. She has friends at school and plays well with her little brother (and fights lots but I think that’s typical sibling stuff!).

So much progress is possible, especially with good support and School who are onboard/inclusive.

This is lovely to read. My DD is just turned 4 and was only just Dxd. Her biggest issue (that we see, at least!) is socialising with/listening to/engaging with with other children her age. She does do it a bit, but later and less than her peers and she definitely benefits from an adult "shadow" to give her some prompts towards taking part and playing with others. In the last couple of months she has definitely taken some steps forward, and is now more keen on socialising, though her "staying power" still isn't great and she'll want to wander off and do her own thing after a relatively short period.

I think the problem is that peers are just much more random and confusing and unpredictable (particularly at this age!) and if you have a child who likes order and predictability and being able to control things then it's much less motivating/attractive than playing with a grown up. We have found that DD can play quite well with slightly older children if it's something that she finds fun... maybe you could bribe his cousins to get him involved in something you know he will love (water play always seems a banker with DD?) - and then he gets a fairly safe environment (older kids) but still gets a chance to practice playing with somebody closer to a "peer" than an adult?

We're going to be talking to schools after half term and I'm not really sure what it's realistic to ask for in terms of support for this, but found the thread very interesting end encouraging.

Is there anything in particular that your DD's school did that you think was helpful @HaveYouSeenMyHat ?

I think it was their attitude more than anything light My DD has a diagnosis of ASD but no EHCP. She’s just finishing year 1. From the moment we met with them to plan her transition to school they were really proactive about what they could put in place to support her. For example she’s sensitive to certain noises so they switched off the hand driers in the reception toilets. Stuff like that which made a huge difference to her wellbeing.

They set up friendship groups in reception with the aim of the adult fading out their input so DD was playing with the peer rather than the adult. This was definitely beneficial.

Thank you Haveyou this is so encouraging to hear. I so hope DS has this experience when he starts school.

Thanks Haveyou, that sounds great! Hope we can find some support like that for DD.