Victimised?!

[reallyhateschool]

So our son is pretty high functioning but struggles with some behaviour. Getting angry and managing it, lashing out, pushing children. The school are supportive in that they've adapted things for him, giving him 1-2-1 support. But ever since he's been there when he started this year I dread it.

He's had two big incidents and been excluded then reintegration meetings. Then in Oct the head called me with a safeguarding complaint as I had been seen with a large bruise on my back (fell down stairs with a hang over post wedding! - bloody worth it as had an ace time!!).

Now there has been another safeguarding complaint as my son has touched a girl's pants. Innocently enough playing as he's only 5 and she was stepping over him.

Does anyone ever feel victimised as their son has difficulties? I'm not sure whether we're unlucky but each week I dread him going to school and something happening, not being invited to a party in case he can't behave, a meeting with school where I feel blamed.

I thought school would be so much more of a fun journey. Do other SEN children face this. I feel like home schooling just so I can avoid the anxiety of whatever other parents are saying next.

I'd like to share more with my husband but he's nervous of integrating with the school given claims of I can only assume abuse. So he keeps it at arms length and gets worried when there are more incidents at school. I wonder whether we are doing something wrong parenting - but I don't think we are. Our other child has none of these issues.

Just replied to your other thread. I could have written this. Another parent asked the school to investigate if we were abusers because ds kept saying bum and Willy! He was 4! Thankfully school told us and it all moved on. Seriously thinking of moving to a desert island! I'm told it gets easier as your heart hardens on the long old journey. Recently I've been calling people out on it and generally saying 'He's got additional needs' and folk have backed off a bit. Shame I had to say it. Just realised that lots of people are very small of heart.

Yes. I totally, totally relate to this. I literally feel my son is blamed for his difficulties and the school uses them to punish him (and me) everything is negative, the whole experience is like serving a prison sentence. I count the days off. I'm a changed person and it effects my health, my child's Heath and because nobody in the real world (outside of mumsnet!) understands what it's like I feel isolated. I think I'm losing my sanity and the school does this to me and does it to DS as well. My heart is hard and I'm untrusting and cynical. It hasnt got easier at school but maybe it will when he leaves. Three years left of we survive that long!

I've found if just one person understands and listens you feel better. Weve started engaging with support groups too

Have you thought of looking at other schools OP? Some schools are definitely better than others as far as SEN is concerned.

We are moving schools just to escape the other parents!

We have a call a day near enough about behaviour. They do an awful lot to help him and I'm not sure what other schools would do better or differently. Plus what local authority school wants a child with undiagnosed additional behaviour needs?! Is it time to look for a more special school? Or home school *shudder.

I’m in the same situation with a year 5 girl. She has a diagnosis and an EHCP. Currently excluded for 2 days for a break time incident despite school knowing she can’t cope with it at the moment. DD’s self esteem is rock bottom and I’m a nervous wreck. I think school are trying to manage her out. This is is her second school, I moved both my DC due to problems at our local school. Current school knew what they were getting and bent over backwards to welcome us. It’s all bollocks and I don’t trust anyone now.

Hanging on to my job as I don’t want to home ed. I don’t see any alternative anymore.