DS (7) HFASD is showing signs of self harming.

[JazzyJ]

DS is having a hard time with something at home or school, I think it is an after school carer who is becomming power hungry. He is having more melt downs more often and is following them up with apologies and declarations of self loathing. hes banging his head on the door/wall scratching himself with his nails and pulling his face about; whilst saying he is an idiot and he should kill himself and we would be happier if he was homeless and on the street. I'm trying to give him calm and gentle support by hugging and rocking him to get over the initial horror of it all but I just don't know how to follow through or get to the crux of his frustration. Any ideas?

What is the problem with the after school carer? If you think that is the cause then that is what you need to tackle. It sounds horrendous. Poor you.

I just heard this evening that for the last couple of weeks , this woman has been getting the kids at the after school club to join 'activities' such as 'telling the time' and 'healthy eating', which sounds lovely but is, i think, actually being handled in a very boot camp kind of way. DS says he's not happy there anyway, which is horrible in itsself. But over the past couple of weeks he has been very disruptive in class, calling his teacher names, running away, pulling displays of walls... Always calming after a while and apologising but then going into this full on self flagilating rant. I can deal with the after school problem by talking to the manager and the school etc, and if the worse comes to the worst i can put in a complaint or leave work early , or take him out of after school club somehow. But I am totally out of my depth dealing with his self loathig, It does pass but it is becomming more and more frequent. I am having visions of him falling into depression when his adolesent hormones kick in. I just don't know how to help him stay positive about himself. we give him encouragement. He's a brillient artist and a very bright boy. It's like he doesn't know how to move on from feeling sorry for doing something.

Is there an alternative to the after school club? Or could you get the way it is handled changed? I honestly think that if that is the reason for the behaviour, then I'd focus on that asap. If the behaviour continues once you have changed what appears to be the cause, then think again. IN the meantime, it does sounds horrendous. Keep talking to him. I don't suppose you've identified any immediate triggers to the melt downs?

I would look at alternatives to the after school club. Does this woman who runs it has any understanding at all?.

What's your son like when he comes out of school?. Is he happy/frustrated/angry at these times?.

With regards to school does your son have a Statement?. If there isn't one I would seriously look as a parent into applying for such a document to the LEA yourself (don't let school do it!).

He does have a statement thank goodness, and I have adressed it with the manager this afternoon, shes going to talk to this woman and I made it very clear that I did not want her having any influence over DS at all. I've also arranged a meeting with them both to see for myself whats going on. I spoke to his class teacher and senco too. and I have been promised the autism in mainstream school liason person will be contacted, i've contacted them myself and had no joy but hopefully the school and the fact that he does have the statement will get their attention. Had to leave work early anyway to get all this sorted so he got off asc today anyhow! still worried that stress brings out this behaviour though. hopefully the liason person will have some knowledge of this before it becomes a habit! thanks for support