DS who is 9 is being assessed for ASD. The process is taking a long time (which I gather from reading these boards isn’t unusual) and isn’t helped by the fact that DS’s Dad, my ex, is not keen for assessment/diagnosis. We have had several appointments with several HCPs where he has said he doesn’t want his child to be labelled, and is ambivalent about him having an assessment. DS really struggles socially at school and I am really pushing for the assessment because I think that it’s the right thing to do for DS. If he has a diagnosis then we need to know so we can put support in place before he goes to secondary (and so we can decide on the most appropriate secondary as well).
Anyway, DS behaves quite differently with me than he does with his dad. I tend to get most (if not all) of the meltdowns, the self harming, the saying he wants to die. He can get very distressed, although thankfully at the moment it’s infrequent. His dad doesn’t see the majority of this type of behaviour/distress/aggression. Obviously this may be why he is not sure about the possibility for ASD diagnosis.
My question (long winded way of getting to the point!) is about the 3DI. It is looking likely that the community paeds are going to ask us to do the 3DI, and they seem to want stbxh and I to do it together.
Firstly, he is an emotionally abusive man and I try and avoid being in the same room as him as much as possible. For the sake of this I would tolerate him. But secondly we see SUCH different behaviour from DS, that I don’t know how that would affect how we answer the questions.
I don’t look for the worst behaviour, but I am realistic and I see it happen. Stbxh has been known to contradict me, and several HCP who have made their own independent observations, to say that DS isn’t always like that, or sometimes he shows empathy, or often he does XYZ, and it feels like he is trying to find evidence to refute a diagnosis.
I don’t want DS to be given a label that isn’t true, but also I don’t want him to not be diagnosed because his Dad answers questions based on what he sees, which isn’t the same as what I see.
Does that make any sense?!