How do you find help for Aspergers - struggling to cope

[Nineveh]

Does anyone know how to find help for Aspergers? DS (8) was diagnosed six months ago and we are struggling to cope. DH and I are constantly snapping at the kids and each other or one of us is in tears, we know we should stay calm when DS flares up but we really struggle when it comes out of nowhere. He doesn't sleep, so nor do we do we're constantly exhausted with little or no patience. And in the moments we get to ourselves when he is asleep, we berate ourselves over another day of bad parenting and discuss strategies we are inevitably too tired to put into practice the following day, or which get thrown back in our faces.
Sorry for the rant! I know we need help but don't know what type of professional we need. Clinical psychologist? Ed psych? OT? We don't want to go down the wrong path especially as we'll have to pay for it so any advice would be most welcome.

Nineveh that sounds really tough. Have you been to see your GP to discuss all the challenges you are facing?

Melatonin may help with the sleeping. In our area only a paediatrician can prescribe this but a GP could presumably refer you for an appointment since I’m guessing you’re not under anyone currently.

Does he have an EHCP to help with issues at school?

Be kind to yourselves. You’re not bad parents, you’re just trying to do your best in a difficult situation. I was recommended the book Autism: understanding and managing anger. It’s a NAS publication which you can get through them or Amazon. I’m only about 50 pages in but there’s lots of useful information in it about communication and what they call the ‘low arousal’ approach which is strategies to avoid meltdowns etc. It may be useful.

Thank you. I'll look up that book. I also have a book about social stories I'm trying to read when I get a chance.
He doesn't have an ehcp and we've been told has no chance of getting one as he's doing well academically.
We are seeing the GP next week to ask for help with constipation and sleeping so I will ask about melatonin.
I think if we could sort the sleep, everything else would improve as we would be better able to deal with it.
I just worry about everything all the time

Agreed, sleep is the main priority. If that improves it gives you the headway to improve other areas.

There are also comic strip conversations, see here

Info on different behaviour between school and home NAS: here

I hope your GP appointment goes well and that they are sympathetic.

Thank you for the links.

It's falling asleep and staying asleep that's the problem. Night terrors are sporadic but even when he doesn't get them, he wakes most nights and can't get back to sleep.

Two day school residential next week - I'm very nervous about how he will cope but also cannot wait for two nights of unbroken asleep (assuming his brothers behave, but they usually do!)

How does he get on in school apart from academically?

You might find The Explosive Child helpful. Also I'd recommend looking into support groups, both on FB and elsewhere.

He's recently started refusing to go to school but when he gets there he can manage. There's lots he enjoys but the worries all get buried and surface later in an explosive way.
I've got a lot of reading to do but really am looking for someone to help with interventions.
I'm happy to do it privately but don't know where to find them. Has anyone done any research on this and can point me in the right direction?
Thanks!

A sensory OT would probably be a good first step to give you and him some strategies. Mostly though it's about adjusting your lives, the envirnoent around him, and supporting him as he develops his own coping skills. The explosive child is a good start as are Dawn Huebners CBT workbooks.

I'd be cautious of melatonin with night terrors as it can cause very vivid dreams and nightmares, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying.