I learned about masking the day's sensory processing by trial and error after a brilliant NHS OT report which highlighted difficulties and did give some interventions within the Jean Ayers book. Primary School did not take on board any recommendations, they were worse than useless.
How is he on leaving school every day? Do you have a car commute or a walk? Can you use that time for him to process the day's overload?
Primary was a 10 minute car trip, prep was 30 mins and secondary was an hour. All kids are different but in our experience, there was a set amount of time needed to be still and process the school day before all was back in balance. That time depended on how much stress had been bottled up all day.
Other mothers picked their kids up full of chat, two way conversations and questions, how's your day been, what did you have for lunch, have you been good etc.etc.
I just smiled and said hello which wasn't always reciprocated and we went to the car and did the journey in silence until enough processing time had elapsed for them to be able to hold an often limited conversation. Sometimes it was meltdown on first sight, other times it was meltdown on getting into the car. It all depended on what had happened that day, but often they could not explain and the anxiety cranked back up if I asked any questions.
Home is geared to their sensory needs, soft clothes, soft throws and blankets, soft toys, gentle lighting etc. which all helps with winding-down, processing the day's events at school and generally getting ready for the evening meal.
I had to stop the round the table family evening meal where everyone talks about their day because that caused a lot of problems, regurgitating things they couldn't really articulate, which led to more questions in a futile effort to try and help. All I was doing was making things worse and adding to the stress and anxiety instead of alleviating it.
Gradually and with trial and error, I managed to find what worked to provide my child, now adult, with an environment at home they find supportive and safe.
Read as much as you can about sensory processing, be observant, see how your child responds to different things. Work on creating a home environment where they can be themselves with as little added stress as possible. Provide what your child needs for them to feel happy and secure at home. You don't need to spend a fortune on specialised sensory gadgets, most of those can be adapted from household things or easily available things with a little imagination.
Wobble cushions and spiky or textured or squishy balls etc. can be found quite cheaply in sports suppliers or supermarkets when they have a fitness promo on. Weighted cushions and blankets can be made at home or add some beans or rice to an ordinary cushion's inner, or to an existing large soft toy. There are online charts to let you know which weight is appropriate for the child's size.
Is focusing a problem, if so try a short physical activity beforehand, moving piles of books or putting tins of food into a cupboard can help. Does sitting on a wobble cushion during the activity that needs focus help at all?
If it's any consolation, lots of sensory stimuli which were terrifying and overwhelming to a 5 year old are not such a big thing as they get older. Coping strategies evolve over time.
As devastatedupset says, But it shouldn’t have been left for me to work things out, professionals should have done this
I agree, but when you can't get the professional help you need, you have to be the best advocate for your child's needs that you can be.
Remember, you CAN do it! 