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moving countries with a child with ASD? (for better ASD opportunities) or just pipe dream?

15 replies

QueenofWhisperz · 07/04/2018 23:06

I am wondering if it's time I move countries for a better chance for my son? Has anyone done it? Is it possible?

OP posts:
Checklist · 08/04/2018 20:32

We have not done that ourselves, but I have come across parents who have come here from Australia or France to send their ASD child to a specialist school in the UK.

DD1 was in class in a specialist school the SE with a boy, whose home was in the Scottish Highlands.

QueenofWhisperz · 09/04/2018 12:26

Thank you for responding @checklist

I'm not in a rational frame of mind, but feel like moving stateside might give my son better chances.

OP posts:
Checklist · 09/04/2018 13:54

A friend of mine, a US citizen moved back with her ASD son and family, as she was homesick. Her comment was "same circus, different clowns!" The school in the US asked her if they would fund his 1:1 support for after school activities, contrary to the IDEA (?), iirc. A swift call to her friend in the IDEA office in Washington put the school straight!

QueenofWhisperz · 10/04/2018 14:05

@checklist

I'm a US citizen, as I have heard the ABA schools are pretty good and insurance covers everything...but surely that can't be true?

I have a job that I can transfer to the states quite easily, but I don't want to uproot my life without knowing whats out there. I may take a trip out to look into it.

OP posts:
Checklist · 10/04/2018 14:14

I didn't mean to put you off. That may be one experience in one mainstream school in one state some time ago - everywhere else could be complrely different now!

Checklist · 10/04/2018 14:16

(Her son was verbal, high functioning and only had two out the three symptoms of the triad anyway)

zzzzz · 10/04/2018 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenofWhisperz · 14/04/2018 11:22

not drip feeding; I want to make the decision to move or stay put this week. I don't think I have many options left.

I left the states at 22; so my schooling experience was pretty good. I don't know what it will be like re sen or aba schools. I feel so lost; I hate the idea of such a big move right now, but it's our only natural exit point. We wont be able to do it any other time.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 14/04/2018 12:35

Find active support groups online here and in the US where parents will tell it like it is about how much funded and private support is available for kids with ASD.

The provision in the UK varies greatly from county to county, some parents here don't even have a dx and their kids needs are provided for, other parents have a shedload of medical assessments and dx yet their kids get next to no support.

I've heard that the US (massive generalisation there, see why you need to find out the facts for whatever areas you are considering) treats autism as something that can be "cured" which is a totally different concept to the UK.

QueenofWhisperz · 15/04/2018 13:57

@blanktimes

...good ideas! I will definitely start on finding these support groups asap.

I don't think ASD can be cured, but I do think it can be made better. (am I delusional?) I've been isolated for quite a while.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 17/04/2018 10:57

@QueenofWhisperz

"Made Better?" I'd say no to that.

Enabling the child to cope by using different parenting techniques and ensuring their environment is not overwhelming as much as possible is a good start, but once the child is overwhelmed, then you'll see the 'I cannot cope with this' reactions.

Autism is driven by anxiety, so the more calm the child's environment is, the more calm the child is, the less you will see their different behaviour.

If I were you, I'd read about sensory processing, most autistic kids have it to some degree. If it can be recognised and the right interventions put into place by removing a lot of the things that are hard to cope with or going to different places, your child will be happier. There's a YouTube video done by the Nat Autistic Society which shows what walking into a shopping centre can be like for an autistic child with sensory processing difficulties, (an English small shopping centre, imagine the hell a Mall would be) lights too bright, noise from all directions, people milling around, not knowing who wants to interact with you and why. You can feel the seams in your socks rubbing and the labels in the back of your clothes feel like barbed wire, the smells from the shops and the people, food, perfume in other words, all of your senses are totally heightened and overwhelmed and your brain cannot filter out all the things that NT people can called background noise and background stimuli. What can you do? What can you do when you cannot describe this sensory assault and your anxiety is at Defcon 1?
Scream, because your own noise can drown out a lot of the other noises that you want to go away but have no control over.
Put your hands over your ears.
Drop to the floor absolutely overburdened with sensory overload.
Run in a mad panic, anywhere, you have to get out of this hell.
All of the above.

Buying online is a good solution. If you have to take your child to somewhere that affects him like that, ear defenders are helpful - if he's not overly irritated by the feel of them on his head. Tell him e.g. for a trip for new shoes, exactly where you are going, what's going to happen and when you can head home. If he can't cope with that in practise, order them online and check for fit yourself.

Most autistic kids thrive in a structured environment, they know when things are going to happen and in what order. They feel they have control, but when that structure changes without lots of prompting and explanation, then they are all at sea and don't know which way is up. Everything made sense and now everything makes no sense and they cannot understand why or cope with it. Overwhelm sets in and what NT people call bad behaviour results.

Our Paediatric Occupational Therapist who specialised in Sensory Processing was an absolute star in explaining things like this to me, suddenly I understood why my child behaved differently to their peers and tried my best to keep the sensory stimuli to a level they could cope with. there's the whole opposite of this where kids are under-stimulated by sensory input and they need to seek more, called sensory seeking. That can affect things you're probably as yet not even aware of, like their ability to sit still and listen. A wedge cushion with bobbles on provides proprioceptive input and can enable some children to be able to focus on what's being said instead of focusing on not falling off the chair.
I won't list everything I've found that helps us because your child's not necessarily going to respond the same way as mine (now adult). the OT can provide a Sensory Diet based on exercises, nothing to do with food, after assessing which overstimulation and understimulation symptoms your child has.

Advice, absolutely ignore friends and family and idiots who say stricter parenting with consequences is essential because it reinforces good behaviour. More often than not, the autistic kid has no clue why they are being punished or what they have done wrong. They have reacted to stimuli in the only way they know how.
Read as much as you can about autism and its co-morbids and how they affect your child.
Observe your child, what causes them to over-react, how can you tone that thing down to a level they can tolerate?
Coping strategies - be inventive, if it works for your child, then go with it. Ignore all strange looks and comments about your child doing things differently.

Don't think it will always be like this. Your child, with help from you, will learn to be able to tolerate lots of things that he cannot tolerate or cope with right now. It takes time, infinite patience and awareness of your child's needs.

This may help to explain his autism to other people, most have some totally ridiculous misconceptions when they hear the word autism.
the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

Good Luck with whatever you decide will benefit your son the most to help him cope in the NT world. Flowers

QueenofWhisperz · 18/04/2018 00:02

thanks @blanktimes :)

We've been on an ABA program since he was 2; consistently 40 hours a week every god damn week for the last 7 years. SALT/OT included and all self funded.

The LEA have been absolutely no help; and this year has been a rough year financially. I need to find a place where I can give my son the above without anymore financial strain.

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LefkosiaTigers · 20/04/2018 12:59

I moved to Cyprus with a son with SN and it has been the best decision I ever made.

The system here for children with SN is streets ahead. We settled in here, and I don't want to go back. We have gone from struggling and fighting to get support before, to having him in a dedicated SN unit within a mainstream school. Here he spends a certain number of hours getting one-to-one in the unit, other hours in the main class accompanied by a second teacher, plus speech and language therapy sessions at the school. He has an individually tailored programme, with regular assessment. His progress since we have been here has been phenomenal.

QueenofWhisperz · 23/04/2018 09:32

@LefkosiaTigers

how did you know Cyprus was worth taking a shot in, are you from Cyprus? Do they have an abundance of resources for children with SN?

I met one of their Diplomats once who told me Cyprus takes education quite seriously, but i hadn't expanded my thoughts on SN; Autism in particular. I'll check it out now.

OP posts:
LefkosiaTigers · 23/04/2018 09:42

I am not from Cyprus, but my DH is Greek, and our children are bilingual with Greek and English. One of DH's cousins moved to Cyprus some years ago, and we heard from him and through Greek Cypriot friends about the SN system here, and when a job opportunity came up we decided that we had nothing to lose.

I honestly couldn't be happier with the education. My other children are doing well, the curriculum is at a good level and well balanced.

Of course, I realise that not all schools will be the same - every country has its share of good and bad teachers, but for me it has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. My DS2 (the one with SN) has an enthusiastic teacher, who really cares and makes a tremendous effort.

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