How do I convince a teen to accept dyslexia support

[NotSureThisIsWhatIWant]

Long story short: He is doing GCSEs, all teachers say the same: very clever, an amazing ability to grasp concepts, very participative in class. But, he doesn’t take enough notes, his handwriting is very difficult to read, he doesn’t write enough in tests or homework’s. He can mess up even in things that are much more simple than the stuff he normally manages. They also say that on every asignment/test he spends quite a few minutes looking into space doing nothing. And that he has a bit of a know it all attitude.

He has a dyslexia diagnose and the school has offered to help, provide a computer, prepare revision timetables, give more time in exams.

DS doesn’t want any of the help, he says that he is fine but he can cry on frustration of how long it takes for him to deconstruct a complex problem in a test/assignment, how many times he messes up by not reading the question well, swiping numbers or not being able to follow simple instructions. He is 200% sure he doesn’t need the help, the computer or people to support him (it is all about fitting in, I suppose).

He wants to study a science degree, so does need very good grades. All teachers think he has a huge capacity to achieve them but he is not “paying enough attention” to instructions.

How can I convince DS to accept the help he needs?

As a teenager so much harder. You can't unless he accepts it himself. He has to be able to help himself in his attitudes. There are obviously lots of things out there assistive tech wise, even something like "dislexifont" might help but agreeing to use it is down to him. Tough love probably. If you get a good Ed psych on board and get your son to agree a "chat to discuss exam stragetiges" it might help. The bottom line is at his age he has to want to pass and want to let people help him achieve it. Otherwise he'll learn the hard way fortunately. Sorry I'm not much help.

I wonder if he'd be more prepared to use the strategies without anyone looking at him. Are there any non-exam lessons that he hates and would be much more prepared to be pulled out of in order to get the extra help behind closed doors in a learning base? It's an easier sell if you are able to say he'll go there instead of and for a limited period - try to come to an agreement that he'll go a certain number of times - he maintains an element of control but at the same time it's getting done. It splits the difference a bit between him being a teenager and agreeing to behave a little bit like an adult.

Do you know why he won't take the help? Does HE know? Perhaps he feels it devalues his achievement, perhaps it just sounds like extra work, perhaps he doens't like being singled out, perhaps... so many choices. If you can better understand why he's rejecting the assistance, you are better placed to negotiate with him to move towards accepting it.

I wouldn't be concerned about "not taking enough notes" provided that he's getting the concepts - schools like things they can see because then they can verify that he's done whatever it is they asked for. If you speak to him and it's clear he's got a strategy to remember things without copious writing, why go mad with the writing? If he doesn't have these strategies, memory games, mind maps, meaningful drawings and other non-verbal note-taking skills could be a good investment. As could anti-anxiety skills to help actually read the question rather than see too many words in an exam situation and just pull up the drawbridge.

When he doesn't write enough, is it because he's run out of ideas or he's exhausted or some other reasons? I have so often heard my daughter formulate a fabulous idea, then immediately start trying to cut out all the long words, hard words and length of sentence, and by the time she's written it down it's so bland she's lost half the information or full scale forgotten the idea. She can't remember the thing she's trying to write at the same time as keeping track of what she's already written - she really needs a dictaphone to speak the idea into so it can be played back to her.

I wonder if the bits where he's stopping and staring into space are decompression breaks from the sheer effort, and the "know it all attitude" is him being aware he really does know the material, he just can't get it down when he's put under pressure to do so. They are saying "but you have to learn x" and he's saying he knows x just fine, thanks, and doing it again will not help.

This is all good practice at accepting the right help to study a degree, it's not as if both dyslexia and support services will evaporate once he goes to university, so it's something for him to learn to get through rather than push against. He can take some ownership of his strategies - use the ones which help, reject those which don't. Have the school offered him the assistance he actually wants? If not, is there a good reason for this (not accepted by exam board?) or are they just treating him like a small child who needs to be told what he needs? He might be prepared to take some help if it's the kind of help that helps him.

Good luck!

Just read your reply Claennister and I you have totally described my Teenage DS. Don't want to hijack the thread but what has leapt off the page is that the attitude shown isn't unusual and you are so, so right it's about the strategies and understanding at school. I'm in slight diapair as my DS, who has extremely severe dyslexia, has really started resisting. His end of term report was ok in the main part but English was terrible. He got a D for effort and attitude and the teacher wrote "his negative attitute is ruining his chances". DS says it's a mountain he just can't climb and all she does is criticise. My son knows he needs the help bit has totally had enough of it all. In your reply, you've been more understanding and shown more empathy than any teacher at my so school, who literally just pass the blame.
Really sorry I haven't any helpful advice OP but I know how you're feeling.
About the dictating notes though, my DS does have access to Dragon speak and he uses Siri constantly for every day things and I know there are loads of voice to text apps and packages out there.

Sorry about all the typos!

My ds absolutely refused any help at Secondary. He has dyslexia. It was all about looking stupid in front of others. He did let me help him at home as private so l did my best. I made shorter notes. Tips for memory. Read things to him as got overwhelmed with too many words on a page. He lost concentration in exams so easily. If someone coughed he was gone for 15 mins.
Then he went to college. Took all help. Very supportive envirnoment. Had a dictaphone in lectures. Did exam in a room of 10 and got extra time. Told everyone he had dyslexia while tried to hide it at school.
Do your best to help him at home.Get a tutor if can afford it who would help him get organised if you can't do it yourself. Get a favourite supportive teacher to help him. I found with the exception of 1 the teachers were too busy and didnt want to know. Its not easy but he will mature and not care as much about others.

Bookmarking here. Sorry I haven't anything helpful to add, but in the same boat. DS profoundly dyslexic. He has always really tried hard but this last academic year has really shut down. His last report was really awful, teacher's saying his attitude is letting him down. I am at my wits end to be honest.