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Original poster

DS 16 just diagnosed, please help me

11 replies

whatwoulddexterdo · 21/03/2018 15:08

My Son, 16 year 11 has just been diagnosed as ASD and ADHD and with an anxiety disorder. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. He has another series of assessments in a few weeks then the plan is for the consultant to tell him. How can I support him? How do I tell the school? How and will even, the school be prepared to help him? He will be sitting his Gcses a couple of weeks after receiving this news.
I know nothing has changed, hes still my boy but I'm completely devastated and have not stopped crying. I am so very worried for his future and I feel I have let him down. We had asked for help previously but Gp insisted it was my parenting and CAHMS refused to see him.
Thanks

OP posts:
LightTripper · 21/03/2018 16:28

Do you think it might be better to tell him either now or after his GCSEs? A couple of weeks before sound like a very hard time for him to process it, particularly if he has anxiety issues? That would also give him time to think of his own questions before he goes to see the specialist, so he can get more out of that session.

You could look up whether the National Autistic Society have a branch near you, and whether they can help?

BlankTimes · 21/03/2018 17:40

He's the same boy that he's always been diagnosis doesn't change that. He's always been autistic and had ADHD, anxiety is at the forefront of ASD.

There's nothing school can do now to help with his GCSE's like extra time etc. because concessions need to be sorted months in advance, so if you think it will be a shock for him, I'd not say anything as yet.

Did school initiate his diagnosis or have any input? It's usual for whoever does the diagnosis to inform your GP, school and the parent if under 16 or the young adult themselves if over 16. You may need to ask whoever did the assessment if they are sending a report etc. direct to your son.

Also if school have been notified, they may mention something to him. Ring the Consultant's secretary and find out who has already been notified, so you can let them know not to mention it until after his GCSEs.

I'm pretty sure he'll have noticed his differences and possibly looked into at least ADHD as his friends have likely ribbed him about it, so his diagnoses may not come as such a shock to him, hopefully he'll embrace it as it explains why he is a bit different.

When you do tell him, it's very important to stress, different does NOT equate to wrong. Please stress that as much as you can.
If all people are computers, the NT people's brains are wired like Windows, the ND (neurodiverse, covers a lot of diagnoses) people's brains are wired like Mac. But they are all computers and they can all contribute to society, they can get the same answers, but in a different way.

The Rebecca Burgess cartoon is helpful too, the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

You can't change the past, so concentrate on moving ahead, be as clued up as you can be on both dx and answer his questions as best you can. The dx will help in further ed and uni and the workplace, so it's not happened too late at all.

Checklist · 22/03/2018 07:40

DD2 got concessions in her A2s, after she had sat the 1st paper! The school had had the professional report recommending extra time since before AS. However, they decided she did not need extra time at A2. It took me several meetings and finally the threat of a claim to the SEND tribunal, to get them to agree to extra time for the rest of her papers.

Original poster
whatwoulddexterdo · 22/03/2018 15:42

Thank you blanktimes , Really Useful
I'm of the opinion now where it is too late for additional support in sitting gcses , and in any event he has sat his mocks and knows the structure. I need some coping skills to teach him so that he can sit in his chair for a 2and half hour stretch. Any ideas?

I've decided to delay telling him the diagnosis and also to delay further tests until After he sits his exams just To Not add Any Futher Pressure.
The consultant pediatrician is going to tell him and explain what it means for him.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 22/03/2018 17:15

What did he do in his mocks? Were they conducted in an exam setting? How did he manage to sit still during those?
Any chance of him doing some hard physical exercise programme in the lead-up to the exams, several times a week, it's alleged to generally help kids focus a lot more, but if it would be too much of a change for him to cope with, then don't.

Sorry, I'm not well clued up on ADHD, practical advice from a parent of a teen with ASD and ADHD who has been through the GCSE process would be great for you.

Original poster
whatwoulddexterdo · 23/03/2018 07:00

Blanktimes, thank you
In his mocks he excelled in the two subjects he likes , history and business studies and failed everything else. I am of the opinion that he will only do well if he wants to. He seems to think that he doesn't need maths English or science. It's this kind of deep seated rigid thinking that is very difficult. It's a real shame for him as he could read and write and knew all his times tables before he started school and was on the gifted and talented programme at the start of secondary.
I have popped over to the other thread, thank You I would never have found that

OP posts:
Checklist · 23/03/2018 08:09

Imo, it's not just a problem with rigid thinking! DD has ADD - she cannot even pay attention long enough in a 5 minute conversation or list of instructions to take in what has been said, and certainly does not get the gist of films or books.

She struggles in revision to realise what is key information she needs to know and what is the icing on the cake. So she tries to learn everything and gets swamped!

In exams, she struggles with:

  1. comprehension of the question
  2. planning her answers - she tends to write far too much
  3. getting distracted by noise from other people
  4. making careless mistakes
  5. realising there may be several parts to a question - so she will answer part a and not notice b and c on the next page
  6. time management
  7. checking over her work
  8. anxiety can swamp her brain before an exam - She has sat for 2 hours in a 3 hour exam and written nothing. She will collapse after the exam.

She can use hyperfocus on things she is really interested in; and will do very well on those subjects; but anything else....she does not do!

Checklist · 23/03/2018 08:12

She does not have ADD, but she is rigid in her thinking, takes things literally and all communication is functional for her. She could learn 2 + 3 = 5; but give her 3 + 2 and she was lost....

Checklist · 23/03/2018 11:36

Should say ASD not ADD!

BlankTimes · 23/03/2018 12:44

@Checklist, same here, I could have written every word!. Despite extra help for 2 years on how to find the relevant bit of the question, it didn't work.
Also being given the formula on how to answer a certain type of question didn't work as she confronted every new question as a brand new thing. Compare and contrast was a big no as well.

Subjects with coursework were a bit better as it was little bits each time done with instruction, so no having to work out what was required. I understand that coursework will no longer be a feature of GCSEs, it's such a shame for kids who can't sort out the information needed from different types of questions. Even simplified papers aren't simplified enough in my opinion and extra time for slow processing/writing speed can be torture if you have to sit there for such a long time, knowing you cannot do any more.

Hang in there Flowers

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