ASPERGERS

[bonkerz]

Need some support really. Previous threads linked below to save me writing it all again. Would be grateful for some advice TBH!!! Im not coping very well and am fed up of having to fight for support for my son!!!

here

and here

Thanks again for replies.
Peadiatrician has asked for reports from school and ed psych and has said he will see me again and will ring next week to arrange an appointment for this. I did tell him i NEEDED a diagnosis cos he explained they dont like to label children. I really feel a diagnosis is the only way the school will help DS.
Big meeting tomorrow at school with ed psych, senco, techer, head and also student support. Have decided im going to be hard and tell them EITHER they accept DS back full time as of monday OR they keep him on part time BUT they apply to statement DS! I know they wont like the choice!! Also wondering if i have a strong case for descrimination if they refuse to accept DS back full time especially now they have confirmation from pead that DS is being assessed for spectum!

meeting didnt go as planned and ive ended up taking DS out of school till they agree to have DS back full time. Am knackered.
Basically the meeting didnt acheive anything. When i asked about Ds going back monday full time they said they couldnt do that as they didnt feel they could cope. I then asked when they would apply for a statement which they replied they wouldnt!
Ed psych was crap and left saying he would leave me and head to sort out full time. Head said NO.
Took Ds in to school this morning and he was on his knees begging to stay all day and screaming he would kill himself if i collected him before lunch!!! Ofcourse this was the final straw for me. I went home rang ed psych, ed welfare and parent in partnership to see where i stood. All said they would ring me back asap. I then went and collected DS at 10.30. Head rang at 12 and said she still would not have DS back full time so i waited for ed pshce of ed welfare to ring BUT nothing! As it stands i have not told school when he will be back. Im happy he never goes back. Am on the slippery slope to depression, cant stop crying, am frantically looking for work for DS to do tomorrow based around space but i know not what is happening in school!
Dont know what to do.

Hi Boonkerz, really sorry you are going thru this.

I understand totally why you have taken ds out of school. However I think this is just playing into the school's hands. If you keep turning up at school with him it will force them to do something i.e apply pressure on the council to get a statement in place.

It is a legal requirement that your ds receives full time education in an establishment that can accommodate his needs. The part time thing is really only meant to be a temporary solution. If it was me I would (a) be turning up every day at school with ds and NOT taking him home until you had received written documentation from school that they were expelling him - this way you are keeping the pressure on and (b) ringing the council every day to urge them to make provision for your ds. I also think you really need proper legal advice on this. If you can't get hold of anyone on the NAS helpline or don't find it helpful, I would contact the CAB in your area. They should be able to give you some more advice on this.

I know you are going thru hell at the moment but you need to try and step back and be coldly logical about things (or at least try to). If you withdraw ds he is unlikely to get the help he so desparately needs.

I really dont know where else to turn though.

Have rand all schools in area who have said they cant take him. Ds doesnt understand why he cant go to school all day. School say they have no way of coping with him all day.

Maybe my only option then is to send him minday and leave him there and not answert the phone so they have to cope and cant expell him when they stop coping.

I'm not surprised other schools won't take him without the extra funding being sorted out. That is why you have to stick it out at the present school for the time being.

If they can't cope with him then he obviously needs a statement which will allow one to one support to be provided. OR transfer to a special school/school with a specialist unit etc.

I really can't understand why the school won't apply for a statement. have they explained this to you?? You need to talk to the Head again as a matter of urgency. I would forget about the SENCO/Class teacher etc. This is a situation where you need to the monkey not the organ grinder - remember the head is the one who makes the real decisions in the school. I would definately turn up with DS tomorrow to show that you won't be brow beaten by these people. You cannot go on collecting him at lunchtime. The Head needs to make her position clear and the Council/LEA will need to be involved as well.

There is now only one week to half term so perhaps for next week only you could collect him at lunchtime. However the position will have to be sorted out by the time you return on 4th June.

One other thing I would suggest is contacting your local MP and making a complaint about how your son is being dealt with. You might also think about contacting the local paper. Even if they don't publish an article the mention of this and the MP will probably have the effect of provoking a reaction. From where I am sitting, it is an absolute disgrace that a hardworking single (?) parent is having to fight to get adequate provision for an already disadvantaged child. O.K it is no surprise but it still makes me sick.

If it makes me sick then others will feel the same. Is this the sort of publicity your ds's school want? The threat of bad publicity often has miraculous effects in my experience so I'm afraid you might have to go down this avenue if you are getting no where with the school/Council. Keep posting, I am sending you loads of cyber best wishes!!

Sorry, I think that should have been organ grinder not the monkey... Been on the old vino I'm afraid, it's the only thing that keeps me off the prozac!!!

wine sounds very tempting at the moment but cant have any till later. Ds home here today with me as no phone calls yesterday. I had to ring ed welfare today and told noone in till monday! Ed Psych said he will tell school im bringing DS in full time as of monday. DH is going in with DS on monday and telling the school we will not support exclusion and unless DS is hurt or poorly we will not collect him from school before 3 pm.
I know he will be a nightmare for them as he feels really insecure at the moment! Also have a feeling they will try and get him sent home lunch on monday as its their open evening Monday and they wont have staff available for DS!!!!!!

well as previously mentioned DH and I were chased by deputy head this morning when dropping DS off.

It is open day this afternoon and bang on cue we were asked to pick DS up at lunchtime as dep head thought this afternoon might be difficult for DS!!!! AM FUMING>>>WHAT THEY MEAN IS IT WILL BE HARD FOR THEM!!!!!!!

Told dep head we will not pick DS up and that whilst we understnad it may cause difficulties that we trust the school , having recognised this need, to meet his needs and make this afternoon as comfortable for DS as is possible!!!!

Quick question really..... Have been talking to loads of people who have all said exclusion is for extreme behaviour that is not the 'norm' for a specific child. If the school exclude my son for trashing a classroom (something he does daily when in a rage and which they deal with sometimes but not others) could this be classed as discrimination? obviously trashing a classroom in the norm for DS!

good week so far this week really. Have been told by school that they have managed to find 1 to 1 for DS almost full time!!

Paperwork arrived today for Tribual for statement. Am so worried now. Should i go ahead with appeal? What do i have to do? Havent read letter at min as looks so complicated and only just feeling normal after last weeks fiasco!

Isn't asking a parent to pick a child up early like this effectivel an exclusion? If they try it again I would ask for it to be put in writing that this is what they want you to do.

I would say that you should definitely go ahead with the appeal for a statement. Without this the school can withdraw the 1:1 help at any time. With a statement it would be very difficult to do afaik.

Hang in there, Bonkerz. xx