Please help not getting anywhere with getting assessment

[Spoog1971xx]

I don't really know what to do. My son ( 5 and a half) has been having problems since starting reception 18 months ago. He attends school in an area that is extremely deprived. The school is 98.4 percent children with English is a second language, so they really have their work cut out and budgets are thin. We are reasonably middle class and I have a ( badly paid ) profession.
My son can't stay still, he ' spins and flaps' is very sensitive to stimulus, ( hits his head if it noisy etc). He has started pinching himself and leaving marks. He has always been very behind his motor milestones.
The school just say he excells academically and is a nice gentle boy and apart from the self harm they arnt worried ( to put this in context it taken 18 months to realise he can read)
I've had several meeting where I've been promised he will see and Ed psych but he was second in line, but now he's 12th. He gets shunted down as clearly there are some troubled kids at the school. I feel his nice manners etc are stopping him getting the help.
Here's the thing he has detention EVERY day- his crime is spinning/ flapping/ wobbling/ vocalisation. WTF is that? he's 5 and I keep saying he needs help. He has only had one playtime a week since sSeptember. This school is allegedly outstanding!
If I was to find the money for an Ed psych would the school accept the findings? I've heard that schools reject private ones. Does anyone have experience going the private route? What sort of budget should I expect?
Sorry this is ranty- I want to punch the headmaster 😬

Hi, the reality the school "might" take notice of the Ed psych but it's not legally binding to do so (unlike an EHCP for example) if you can afford it, then from personal experience we found it worthwhile because in our case it formed the basis for further investigation and ultimately help, but out DS's needs different to yours. It might be worth talking to your GP and trying to get a paediatric appointment too.

Have you looked at buying a weighted jacket? They are around £30 and can really help calm a child -

You can do this yourself - sit behind him with your knees pressed into his legs, using both arms push down on his shoulders (gently!!) see if it makes a difference, then consider a jacket

OP you can talk to the National Autistic Society about help with diagnosis if you think it may be autism.

The things he is being put in detention for are all stimming actions often seen in autistic people (my ASD DC does some of them too) and it sounds like he is very anxious even though he otherwise seems calm. It's deeply inappropriate for the school to put him in detention for that - can you get a meeting with the teacher or head if the teacher won't listen? There should be a separate SENCO (SEN officer) for the school for you to talk to too. Diagnoses can take ages as you are seeing and resources are scarce but the school is clearly wrong in their discipline policy and it shouldn't take a diagnosis for them to correct that.

you can get a referral from the GP but referrals are takeing up to 2 years at the moment.