God I'm such a silly, soppy cow sometimes!
There was a perfectly normal pleasant discussion on another thread about what our mums were like with us when we were little and what they think of us as mothers etc.
I was singing the praises of my wonderful mum and how we both had my nan to thank for the great job she did which has a huge part to play in how we both are as mothers.
I got to thinking how my nan passed on her skills to my mum and how she's passed then onto me and then realised that it's incredibly unlikely that Lottie will ever have children of her own. (I can't bring myself to totally rule it out it doesn't seem fair on her but we all now that it probably won't ever happen, will it???)
I don't usually allow myself to dwell on the future, it's so far away, things change, what's the point etc and I always do my best to find the positive and think about that.
I just can't do that in this instance right now.
Feel SO sad, as in tears at work the lot, that my baby won't ever have her own babies. That she won't ever have that kind of future, she won't be a mum, she won't pass on the things I taught her, that my mum taught me and that my nan taught her.
I know that what's really important is that I just do the best job I can with her and that she lives a happy and as fulfilled life as possible. I know I may well, god willing, have another child, but right now my little Lottie is all I have and it's just so sad that she won't be a mummy and that I won't get to hold her children and me a nana to them.
See - told you I was a soppy old cow! Sorry.
I realise this is a self indulged ramble and it's all a bit silly but there you go.
Mumsnet brings it out of me sometimes!
Thanks for 'listening'.