Mum, what's a freak?

[coppertop]

..asked ds1 (6yrs and autistic) last night while in the bath.

He told me that some of the boys in his class used to call him double-freak(!). A few months ago he was getting upset when it was time to leave for school in the morning. I eventually managed to persuade him to tell me what the problem was. Some of the boys had been calling him names and getting too rough in the playground. I spoke to his lovely teach who in turn spoke to the whole class. I don't know what she said exactly but it worked and ds1 has been happy about school ever since. It was only last night though that I found out what these boys had been saying. How can 6yr-olds be so cruel?

I explained to him that freak is a word that some people use to talk about people who are different to them and that it's not a very nice word. I gave him the example of his beloved Spiderman and how people sometimes called him a freak because he had special powers. Ds1 grinned and said that he had special powers too because he could hear and feel things that other people couldn't and that when he looked at things he could see colours that other people couldn't. He then said, "I like being ".

I think it's time to try to explain to him about autism. He already knows that his brain works differently to other people and that he hears, sees etc differently to other people. I've never told him outright though that he has autism. I've looked online for books to order but they mainly seem to be "My brother/sister has autism" books, which although is technically true I'd rather use something that explains in the first person IYSWIM. I also have to tread carefully as ds2 (4yrs and autistic) will probably also want to hear and he doesn't yet have the same level of awareness or understanding as ds1.

Any ideas?

Im glad the school have sorted it out though.

I love your comparison with Spiderman, I must remember that if ds asks a similar question.

I have the book 'Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything' by Kenneth Hall. It's written by a 10 year old boy with Aspergers, and it's an ideal book to share with your ds, he describes his feelings and thoughts about autism and how it affects him. Actually I think it's about the right time for me to start sharing it with my ds.

So glad he's got a great teacher, though.

Ds2 is 8, and I'm looking for just the same sort of ideas, coppertop. He's at special school, and they say they don't usually discuss it till year 9, but ds2 has said things like 'X (also autistic) is like me?', with a very definite questioning look, and I know that he's realising he's a bit different.
I said 'yes, he's autistic like you,' but I'm not sure how to proceed; the thing is, I know he hears the word all the time, but it's so often not in a good context IYSWIM. It's when I'm rushing up to someone in the playground to explain why he's not answering them, or shouting, or it's when his brother's complaining 'just because he's autistic'.

I want him to be proud of who he is, and autistic is part of that. I've shown him a couple of books written by writers with autism, not stuff he can read, but just so he sees that they've done it, and he's grabbed them and looked very intently.

Sorry coppertop, for this ramble, not meaning to hijack at all, but if you come across any materials or ideas I'd love to know about them.

Will go and check out the Kenneth Hall book on Amazon now, Mcwoozy!

Coppertop, my heart goes out to your lovely DS1

Some children are just evil, My DS1 has tourettes (he is 10) and he got to address his class to explane why he says does things that the others don't.

I hope your DS can understand that some people/children are just very stupid and unkind to others just because not everyone fits in to what they think is the right way to be.

Coppertop, I'm that this had to happen to DS1. What a briiliant attitude he's got though - I love the super-powers comment!

We've just had the latest Jessica Kingsley catalogue through from the NAS and there's a section of books about ASD for children and teenagers. I think there might even be one that features a super-hero? It's lost in the mess of moving house atm but will try to dig it out.

It's so very hard to choose and know the right words when explaining this to our children, without risking that it might contribute to them having even a lower self esteem. On the one hand I feel by explaining more to my ds, letting him know that there is a reason for why he's having difficulties and explain that there are many other chldren with similar problems might make him less anxious, but on the other hand I'm not really sure how fully he is aware that he's different from his peers, he finds it hard to explain more basic stuff so trying to get any info about this is very difficult. This has always been a difficult and worrying aspect of ASD. Sorry hijacking

It must be very sad to hear of your ds talking like this coppertop, sounds like he's got a great teacher though.

Thanks, everyone.

Macwoozy - I know what you mean about not being sure how much they are already aware of. Often (as in this case) it doesn't occur to ds1 to tell me about things until months later - if at all. I'm never quite sure whether he's oblivious to something or whether he's very aware of it but just hasn't thought to mention it.

I like the sound of the Kenneth Hall book. I remember seeing it in Waterstones but didn't get a chance to have a proper look. A superhero type of book sounds good to. It might even be something that ds2 could relate to too.

We've been very lucky wrt the teachers at ds1's school (touchwood!). His teacher this year is lovely. She's fairly new to teaching but is very good at it IMO. If there's ever a problem she deals with it straight away rather than waiting to see if things get any worse first IYSWIM.

Good luck to everyone else who's reached the 'What/how do I tell them?' stage.

Just a quick update in case anyone finds this thread in the archives while looking for ideas themselves. I bought the Kenneth Hall book and have been reading bits of it with ds1. So far it's going well and ds1 seems pleased to have discovered that other children think in the same way that he does.