School issues work ss and dd with asd

[ThisLittleKitty]

Sorry about the title. I feel like I'm on standby with dds school. They are always calling me to pick her up early (due to her behaviour) or other things. Recently due to her getting difficult in the afternoons they decided it would be best if I pick her up at 2 so that means picking her up and hanging around outside the school till 3.20 to pick up my son. Not great with a 8 month old and a 3 year old in tow especially with the weather. There isn't an option to go home as it's 20 minutes by bus so wouldn't be any point. So I just hang around. Anyway recently (just before Christmas) they reported me to ss saying my dd "smells of urine" I was flabbergasted as I had had many meetings with the school where I explained toileting was an issue for my dd in that she is scared of the toilet and needs help with going and that she will occasionally wet herself. So what happened on this particular day is that dd had wet herself in school, hadn't told anyone another teacher later that day smelt it on her and decided to report me! She always goes to school with clean uniform. She also reported me saying that she's "tired in the afternoons" after a quick phone call with ss they decided this was related to her condition and not a social services matter. Anyway today I've recieved another call to say she's wet herself again and can I bring spare clothes. At this point I was awaiting a tescos online shop but instantly had to go out to drop the clothes in fear of being reported. So I'm on my way home now probably missed my shopping. I'm also sick of the way people stereotype my and look down on me as a single mum on benefits but they don't understand why I can't work. Will it always be like this? Don't know why I'm posting just looking for reassurance I suppose.

Bless you, that sounds awful.

One thing I've learnt is that asking you to collect her early is an illegal exclusion. She has a right to be in school the same as any other child and by asking you to collect her, it means they are 'let off the hook' of providing the right environment for her.

I would say no, you won't collect her as it's an illegal exclusion and request a meeting with the SENCO and class teacher to discuss the behaviour and toileting etc and get a plan together.

Don't let anyone think less of you because of your background and don't be afraid to hold your head up high and tell them their treatment of her is unacceptable.

That sounds awful.

She also needs a plan in place to support her toilet difficulties. She should always have a change of clothes, on her peg, in her locker, in a box in the disabled loo or in the school office, and whatever support she needs to make use of them. It's absurd you're being called in when it's a known problem.

Does she eat and drink enough at lunch?

Thanks for the comments. I actually agreed to picking her up at 2 as it meant I wasn't constantly being called to collect her randomly. So for example I was out shopping about 40 minutes away and got a call at 1.30 to pick her up meaning I had to drop everything and rush to the school, so it meant I could not really go anywhere as the calls were happening frequently.
I'm not too sure about lunch she always comes home with her water bottle practically full so I don't think she drinks much of it through out the day. There's also issues at the school with another asd boy who keeps hitting my dd, (he did again this morning as we were coming into school) it doesn't seem like the school are doing much about it and I do think it's affecting her behaviour as she doesn't act anything like the way they describe in school at home.

They can phone you whenever they like to tell you something that has occurred but they can't ask you to collect her. They either deal with it or they exclude her. Asking you to collect is their way of not dealing with whatever is going on which isn't helping anyone. It's illegal what they are doing.

They need to start looking deeply at what is happening, get referrals and assessments and formulate a proper plan not just keep sending her home. Please don't let them continue doing that. Just say no, they CANNOT keep phoning and telling you to collect her.

What they are doing is absolutely outrageous. They should not be getting you to pick DD up at 2 pm or any other random time. This is illegal exclusion, whether you agreed to it or not. Everything you need to know is here:

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/exclusion-from-school

Tell them you are not going to pick her up at 2 pm unless they are officially excluding her in which case they should give you a letter stating the reason for the exclusion and how long it is for.

They also need to have support in place to deal with the toileting issues. Send DD with a bag of spare clothes every day and let them deal with it.

Does your daughter have an EHCP? If not ask for an EHC Needs assessment.

We are in the process of the ehcp. I was told the senco has just finished writing it all up. I didn't know it was illegal that's very interesting. I was with my sister the other day and she said can't you call them and tell them you will get her at 3.20 as we were at the drs together and I said I don't feel like I can do that what with the reporting me. I didn't want them saying stuff like I was unavailable to collect her or whatever, so I instead called them and told them I would be 15 minutes late (so 2.15) as my sister said she would drop me to the school after she finished her drs appointment to save me getting the bus. They were fine with it on the phone however at 7 minutes past 2 they had called me 3 times! (I missed the 3 calls as my phone was in my bag) but I was really surprised as I had obviously told them I would be late. Dd also hates leaving school early and is generally very distressed about it as she knows it isn't the time she is meant to leave and doesn't like the fact she's the only one leaving and also that we are not collecting her brother aswell so getting her to leave can be difficult.

Have you diagnosis via GP referral

Yeh she has a formal diagnosis.

Really sorry you and your DD are going through this OP.

If I were you I would go in on Monday and tell them you have been advised that what they are doing is illegal, and that you will therefore no longer be picking DD up from school before 3.20 pm unless it is an official formally recorded exclusion by the Headteacher.

The minute you mention exclusion they will back off. They have to report all official exclusions to the Governing Body and to the local authority.

If you have any more issues make a formal complaint.

They are taking the piss here and are relying on the fact that you are at home to have you running up to school whenever they have had enough. The ss thing is also bloody outrageous. I would do the following
Write or email the head saying that you are concerned that they are not managing your daughters beh and are not meeting her needs by sending her home early. Your dd has a right to a full time education and as a chilf with asd needs a predictable timetable. Suggest they seek support from an advisory teacher or educational psychologist so that they can meet her needs in school. Say you will not be collecting her early except in cases of illness or if she has been formally excluded. Also address the toileting. Tell them that you have already advised them she has accidents and was therefore surprised by their referral to ss. Tell them you will be sending in a spare set of clothes to be kept in her bag until needed. Again suggest they seek support from school nursing team to set up a plan to ensure her toileting needs are met. Finish by saying you want to work closely with them to ensure your dd needs are met. Offer to come in to meet with school staff to discuss any issues.
Then sit back and let them manage it. I am pissed off for you standing around in the playground for an hour with your kids.