ASD and starting school

[Kellyno1983]

Hi all have been advised to join by Playschool to join to hopefully get some help so hello! Our 3.5yr old dd has recently been diagnosed with ASD (or Aspergers)she’s classed as high due her to her understanding/speech/& her general intelligence.Although she’s very clever,ie she understands all letters in the correct order (she can sit for hours redoing the alphabet on her board)and also understand the phonics etc of each sound,can easily count & recognise all numbers to 50 plus knows all kinds of colours from purple to lilac blue to dark blue etc...she has no interest or concept of using a potty or a toilet.weve had a potty in the house since she was about a year old,but she just isn’t interested.ive tried just to leave her in knickers and all she will do is wet or soil them.i just don’t know what to do.she also refuses to sleep in her own bed,she’s in with me & dh.its like having a newborn baby in with us,she will wake at least 4 times a night ☹️ I’m really at a loss,and so worried for her starting school in Septemberweve also noticed that her mood swings are really getting quite aggressive,which is quite unusual as she’s normally very lovely and laid back .i really want some advice,no negative comments please.thankyou xx

Forget about potty training for now ,it'll happen when it happens, the school should understand and have things put in place.

The "mood swings" are probably anxiety based due to the pressure of starting school or potty training.

She's only 3.5 so don't worry too much.

I have an 8 year old with ASD. Sometimes I find I put any difficult behaviour down to him having ASD but when I talk to friends with children of similar age I realise some of the behaviours are happening because they are simply young children.

I also have a just-turned 6 year old who does not have ASD. I finally managed, at age 5, (with great difficulty) to get him to sleep in his own bed. Until then he'd slept in my bed every night since he was born.

When my sister in law came to visit me - her four children (aged up to 8) all somehow squashed into her bed in the middle of the night even though they had fallen asleep in their own beds. I don't know how she slept! So its not entirely unusual behaviour for children to want to be with their parents at night.

Maybe just go with the co-sleeping for now if that's what she needs and don't stress about it. Could one of you take turns sleeping with her while the other sleeps separately and gets a good night's sleep?

I'd say there are other children due to attend that school next year who are not potty trained yet. If you are worried maybe talk to your GP. You could also talk to the school to explain your worries as I am sure they have come across this issue before.

Maybe you've tried this - but I bribed my son who has ASD with sweets to go on the potty. Everytime he successfully went he got a sweet and this really motivated him.

Your daughter sounds very intelligent for a 3 year old.

My DD is 3.5 so starting school at the same time as yours and we are told she is likely to get an ASD diagnosis this spring. We potty trained for pre-school about a year ago but honestly I don't think she was ready and she still has some issues with poo-holding/soiling (not bad now thank goodness but it's been a year of problems on and off and she's still on Movicol to help keep things moving). I agree with others who say don't push it until she is ready.

If you want to get her interested maybe one of those dolls that wees would help, or being very open/frank about when and how you go? It may be easier to motivate her once the weather is warmer too. We used a little computer app called "Mr Poo goes to Pooland" to help with the poo holding, but it is quite a fun story and may help motivate her to sit on the toilet too (it has some nice sound effects!) or there may be some other apps or books you could use to spur an interest?

With our DD we used stickers as a motivator to begin with (mainly as a reward for communicating with us about when she needed to go, rather than results once she went) and still do give stickers sometimes when she overcomes her anxiety about going (which ebbs and flows). She gets a treat every 5 stickers, which she chooses (e.g. chocolate, going out for a babyccino, going to her favourite playground a bit further away than our usual one, watching a favourite TV programme, or whatever she wants within reason!). If your DD likes numbers she might like that "saving up" aspect of it too?

Your DD's literacy and numbers skills sound amazing to me. My DD is interested in that stuff and is counting to 20 (but doesn't yet recognise all the numbers reliably) and knows most of her letters/sounds (but not in order) and I thought that was pretty good, so what your DD is doing really sounds brilliant. She is obviously focusing on other things than potty at the moment!

FWIW my niece who is NT (but was very premature) didn't potty train until nearly 4, so there is a big range anyway - but everything I read suggests trying to get them interested is no bad thing, but pushing them too hard when they are not ready is often unhelpful.

Wouldn't stress about co sleeping. I would get a bigger bed or yourself/dh disappear off to her bed to get some decent sleep

Hi everyone thanks for all your comments.I think that’s was so frustrating as in other aspects she’s very clever so if she could master the potty it would make things so much easier just for herself.Shes not one for stickers so that’s a waste of time,she’s not really interested in any kind of reward or bribery tbh.the 1,2,3 is something that doesn’t phase her at all lol.the poo app is an idea as she’s loves her tablet.my concern is just for her starting school already being isolated in her social aspect so for her to still be in nappies may make her more so ☹️ .maybe I’m just being too over protective I don’t know,I feel quite isolated by the whole thing 😥

I doubt at 4 the other children will notice or care.

I don't have the answers but just wanted to say there is no harm in waiting. School won't be till September so you can afford to wait a few months till she is a bit more ready.

We didn't start training DS2 (non-verbal, probable autism) until a few weeks before he turned 4. We are 2 weeks in and going well (very few accidents now). He shows no interest in bribes, praise or rewards but seems prepared to accept that this is how things work now.

After our experience with NT DS1 I would advocate against rushing. We trained DS1 at nearly 3 (having been pushed by nursery) but he was not ready and it was a complete disaster leading to literally years of poo withholding problems.

Our ASD son was later than his elder brothers to toilet train (3+)but when he did he was dry within 3 weeks, and he never ever had accidents or wet the bed as his DS2 did. After a few weeks I gave up carrying spare clothes around with me as they were just never needed.

Like others have said I wouldn't push it until she's ready. You will only create problems for yourself if you do.

Can you pinpoint what triggers the mood swings and aggression? Could it be to do with pressurising her to use the potty before she is ready?