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14 yr old in denial

4 replies

Div · 24/07/2004 16:33

I have a complicated situation that is hard to explain. I will do my best to keep it as short as possible. My daughter has Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, LD, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder. The BP and ADHD are under control with meds. She was put in a VE class in 4th grade after having several problems and being hospitalized. The pressures of school were just too much for her. In 5th we took her out of public school and put her in a special education private school. She just finished 8th grade and is going to be starting at her 3rd school this fall. She is immature for her age and has trouble with other kids her age. She is in a group at our church where she can't even make friends with anyone. She stays pretty much to herself. She has a couple of friends who also have special needs but is always saying she doesn't really like them because they have problems. It makes me angry when she says this because she has some of her own problems too. I don't understand why she is like this. This wasn't an issue until last year. She thinks she has the least problems of anyone she is ever around and constantly says that to me. She went to a camp for kids with ADD, LD, etc., and came home telling me she wanted to become a counselor in training next year which obviously wouldn't be possible. She said a couple of counselors wanted to be friends with her but I met these girls who were around 17 and they were just being nice to her because that was their job. It's obvious she is desperate to have friends that are so called normal but that isn't happening. I try to get her around as many kids as possible who don't have any special needs but she can't make friends with them. I just don't know how to handle this. I know she has self esteem issues and that's why she is in denial but what do I do? I don't want her going around acting better than all the other kids at her school. It's not right but I also don't want to tell her she's wrong and make her feel worse about herself. I try to explain that there's nothing wrong with having special needs and that she should except others and herself for who they are and concentrate on the positive qualities. I worry that she's becoming uncaring. She's always been so compassionate of others. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks. Diane

OP posts:
Eulalia · 24/07/2004 17:30

Diane, may I be so bold to say you are maybe looking at the fact that she has special needs more than her 'normal' areas? That's how it read to me... a lot of what she is saying/doing does seem to be normal teenage issues.

I am in the same boat with my boy. He has only just turned 5 but is hopeless at making friends but desparate to do it. He has autism which makes relationships difficult to form.

I can't give you any advice but I'd support her idea of being a counsellor, but obviously a long time in the future. She obviously understands and knows all the issues

Got to go just now as dd has wet herself !

Jimjams · 24/07/2004 20:02

I'd suggest getting her Luke Jackson's book "freaks geeks and asperger's syndrome". He was 14 when he wrote it. he also has a brother with ADHD (and one with autism and cerebal palsy, and one with dyspraxia). He writes a lot about teenage problems coupled with AS. It's very good. I'm guessing your in the States - no idea how available it is there but you can get it from here .

I think it will be hard for her to make friends with NT children at this age. The herd instinct has well and truly kicked in and children of this age can be very cruel to those who are different. Doesn't mean she shouldn't try though. Does she have a particular hobby/interest - sometimes that can help ice breaking.

ggglimpopo · 24/07/2004 22:09

Message withdrawn

tallulah · 25/07/2004 18:04

My 14 yo DS has ADHD & has a huge problem keeping friends. He came to work with me for a day last term & got on really well with 2 11 yos who were there with their mothers. Younger children aren't such a threat to an ADHD child. Might be an idea?

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