arrgggh! friends have changed plans for tonight and i cant cope

[mamatres]

i have undiagnosed AS and always really struggle with changes of plan, as you do, and have been gearing myself up all week nd esp today for night out to a really nice pub for the evening. now 2 are poorly so cant make it, and one cant be bothered and so the other 2 have cancelled as well as its not worth their while.
they know it stresses me out when these things happen. feel so livid, and wound up in my tummy like a spring. i was really looking forward to it. and its been spoiled. cant think of anyone else to go out with and am now going to be utterly miserable for rest of evening and will end up going to bed sulking at 8 o clock.

i always tell them i cant cope with plans being changed, and only one of my friends ever listens and she always carries through with our plans even if her kids are poorly. which should make me feel bad i suppose but it doesnt. just makes me realise shes a proper freind.

AIBU to expect them to think of my needs? or am i just being wholly selfish? am sooooo gutted and also feel so stupid for it bothering me so much.

bump

I'm sorry i don't know very much about how you must be feeling - but I am sure you don't need to be thinking of yourself as stupid.

It's dissapointing for anyone if something you have been looking forward to falls through - and also hurtful if friends act as if they can't be bothered about something like a planned night out. In addition to this you have your difficulty with finding changes of plan hard. So don't feel stupid.

Would it be possible for you t pretend that you never were going out toniught, and do what you would normally do? Snap back into last week's plans - or next week plans, if you see what I mean?

Also, would it help or be possible to get a proper diagnosis, that might then pinpoint specific areas you find difficult and enable you to get some specialist help or excercises to try?

thanks blu.
dh has come home now and is being kind saying well at least you wont miss Casualty (which i normally never ever miss, so thats a bonus.

did try to get a diagnosis but the chap who used to do it down here is now retired and they havent yet replaced him. there is nowhere for me to go to be assessed south of Oxford, and we are in Exeter in Devon so thats quite a journey! both my boys have AS so i have some idea about the whys and wherefores but its hard to implement strategies for yourself! there is loads of support for children with ASDs (which is great obviously) but nothing for adults (which is rubbish obviously!)

Big 'duh' from me to me - of course you have checked out diagnosis!

Anyway - I hope you enjoyed Casualty - I saw a bit, it looked quite engaging. I am a lapsed addict!

How did it go last night mamatres?

I hate being let down as well, especially when it's such short notice. I hope you were able to enjoy your evening in the end.

in the end i had a nice evening with dh with a chinese takeaway watching casulty (well me not him, he cant bear anything slightly gory). will see friend who 'let me down' this morning. cant be bothered to talk to her. this prob makes me as bad as her. oh well. cest la vie!
my eldest ds goes to an AS youth group and a chap has started coming along to the meetings to do talks and so forth. i think i might try and see him next week about myself and ask about adult support groups (if such athing exists!)v as i have a few issues as well as the change of plan thing. if you met me though youd prob be very surprised as i think i project myself as being quite socible and confident. at least i hope i do, am applying for a part time job so hope to get an interview. its been quite a while since ive had to have an interview, and i'm very very bad at eye contact in fact i find it impossible. so they might think i'm a bit shifty..... well maybe i'll have to wear a lowcut top and hope its a mn interviewer and it might distract him from the eye contact thing. LOL! only joking!

god, sorry that was a bit of a long ramble

I hate being let down at the last minute as well and in the end I stopped being in touch with someone who kept doing it to me as I would rather have certainty that I wasn't going out than look forward to it for days then get a text an hour or so before we were due to meet up saying that she'd (effectively) had a better offer so she'd gone for that instead of going to the cinema or out for drinks with me or whatever (often without letting me know beforehand),leavig me grinding my teeth with frustration that she'd done it to me again. I decided that she was dissing me and our friendship by doing that so I haven't spoken directly to her since January! That may not be an option for you though - it depends how close you are to these people.

Maybe a good strategy would be to take a course of positive thinking - you are already half-way there by being outraged at how you were treated and arrange the next night out yourself with your good friend that you know will happen. I don't know what AS is so I can't help there, sorry.