Preschool Nativity

[magicroundabouts]

DS, 3.5 years old, hasn't received a diagnosis yet, but it is almost certain he will be diagnosed with autism early next year. Currently he attends preschool for 2 mornings a week. They have applied for 1:1 funding and are not happy for him to attend for any further hours until this is in place.

I found out last week that his preschool are putting a Nativity play on in a couple of weeks (this was a reminder email, but nobody had mentioned anything before to me). It will be held on the afternoon of one of the days he attends. Spoke to preschool and they want him to take part in the play, but don't want him to attend the morning session that day as it will be too much. When I was hesitant to agreeing, it was emphasised how much of a shame it would be for him to miss out on the play. He loves singing the songs etc etc.

Thing is though I don't buy it. The play is only going to add about an hour on to the time he would normally be there and I could be around if needed. There is a high probability he will refuse to go on stage at all and just sit on my lap and watch. DS has become very anxious about new places/environments recently and I think it could just be too overwhelming. It would be nice to give him the opportunity to try, but why does he have to miss the morning session in order to do this? He is hardly there as it is and the change in routine will unsettle him further.

I think the most hurtful thing is the blatant manipulation. Emphasising how important it is for him to be included while excluding him in the same breath. Funnily enough there was no mention of how he would be supported to take part

Why do you say that, because I said everyone has equal rights and no one matters more than any other?
You know.... Like law.

Also bingo.

It's not asking too much imo for parents to give a bit of co-operation to make the process easier
I don't see them asking the parents of the non SEN children not to bring them in the morning do you?
So it's just the parents of the disabled child that have to compromise and cooperate?

And if doing a bloody nativity is that bloody stressful then why the hell do it at all? It is their choice to do it. So we have to praise them for making the choice to make their own jobs more stressful, and then praise them again for excluding a disabled child because it makes their unnecessarily stressful job less stressful?

Where does it say teachers are more important? I was thinking of the teachers and the other children as well as the child
So the teachers and the other children are more important?

So the needs of the collective trump the needs of the child whose needs are protected by law?

You really don't get it do you? The school actually wants the child to take part in the Nativity. But they know the child better than any of us do and they think to keep him out of the way during the frenzy of preparation is what is best for him.

They asked the mother to facilitate this. If he had the 1 - 1 then they wouldn't have to ask. But they don't. Talk to the government about that.

So let's make it harder for them, shall we? And harder for the child who will not understand what's going on around him. No one's needs trump anyone else's. But why make it harder than it has to be?

You can bang on about the law all you like but teachers can and do decide on a daily basis if a child can or cannot take part in an activity. Or if it would be too dangerous or distressing for them. Or if it just is not possible due to staffing levels. The law allows for that.

they know the child better than any of us do
Do,...you...realise....the..
Child's parent....has....posted.

Yes, dear. By "any of us" I meant those posting opinions, surely you realised that? Or..... are .... you .... very.... slow..... of.... thinking....?

And harder for the child who will not understand what's going on around him.

The irony (big word look it up) here is that you've gone from "nobody knows da kidz" to making presumptious, arrougant and ignorant guesses at what this child knows.

Yes, dear. By "any of us" I meant those posting opinions
Which to everyone's shock and horror include the child's parent.

Too silly.

Bye.

So in short, everyone is equal, no one is better than anyone else.

You really don't get it do you? The school actually wants the child to take part in the Nativity. But they know the child better than any of us do and they think to keep him out of the way during the frenzy of preparation is what is best for him.

Youreally don't get it either do you?

Read the OP: They have applied for 1:1 funding and are not happy for him to attend for any further hours until this is in place. And
There is a high probability he will refuse to go on stage at all and just sit on my lap and watch. DS has become very anxious about new places/environments recently and I think it could just be too overwhelming.

This is fuck all to do with the child and wanting to include the child in the nativity, because that's a nice thing to do.
This is entirely about putting on a "this nursery is really inclusive" face. It's about face and appearances, rather than them knowing the child, because they quite clearly don't.
At no point are they being inclusive.

So no, I don't think the nursery should be praised for including a child in a nativity but not mentioning how they will be supported when they won't include the child at any other time.

Yes, dear. By "any of us" I meant those posting opinions, surely you realised that? Or..... are .... you .... very.... slow..... of.... thinking....?
Lovely manspaining going on there dear.

Perhaps you could read the original post and see what the OP has put, and then you would see for yourself how we have come to the conclusions we have.

Along with the fact that this isn't anything new. Nursery's and schools have been displaying these types of behaviours for years! It doesn't make it right.

Thanks for all the replies

I'd love to believe that they have actually considered how he will cope and are suggesting this plan so he can be included successfully. Sadly, it is not the case, I mean they haven't even discussed any of this with me and I am clearly not allowed to disagree "but it will be such a shame if he can't". Really, for who?

As I said, DS is very anxious in new situations at the moment. Even taking his brother to swimming last week caused problems. He hadn't been for a month or so and we had tears and refusal to go in. He calmed down, but he needs support and time. Taking part in the play is going to be hugely stressful. Lunchtime with all the additional children will be stressful. Being at home earlier in the day will not make coping easier.

Preschool are not suggesting any support. They just want him to take part like any other child. This is clearly not possible and they know it. He needs 1:1 to make it work. A morning away from preschool will make no difference at all, so why does he have to loose his hours? Why insist he takes part? It is to make their lives easier. If he can't cope in the afternoon, I will be there and they will just had him over.

I think I will bring him in for the morning session as usual, collect before lunch and then we can watch the play together (if he can cope). He will still be able to sing the songs if he wants to. They won't like it, but tough.

This happened to DS with Year 3 school play. A very sudden concern (a day or so before) that perhaps DS would prefer to come to the first night of the play only and not the other two. [And not the one which was being videoed I noticed]. Sounds petty but we were told this well after we'd arranged tickets and who was going to which performance etc. Passive agressive exclusion. You'd have to be naive to think otherwise. He's no longer at that school. Mainstream teachers being overloaded is a separate but sadly often intertwined issue.

They have applied for funding for a 1 - 1. What else can they do?

They could do what we have to do in our setting for children who get no funding for a 1-1, or are waiting for funding for a 1-1 - work in close partnership with the parents to facilitate things working for the child, and work out a way, as a team, to provide support for the child in order to ensure their inclusion.